Unreasonable ask of my son at nighttime?

[NuluTea9]

So my son has been completely potty trained in the daytime for years now (he's 6 yrs old). Overnight however, up until about a year ago -- dry nights were more or less non-existent. We've never once given him a hard time over it.

Lately, what we've been doing is that he starts out the first of every month wearing big boy underwear at night. This keeps up until he wees the bed, then we simply switch to nighttime pull-ups at night for the remainder of the month. That's always been our sort of 'routine'. If he makes it an entire month dry, we've promised a big celebration and some sort of trip.

Last week has been rough - because last month he made it quite far into the month before an accident. But for August, he woke up wet the very first week of the month. So we're already back to pull-ups for the month.

Is this unfair...? I'm inclined to let him try undies again for a bit. But he's had a wet pull-up in the morning 2 of the past 3 days.

WWYD...? Is this an unreasonable strategy?

Very unreasonable, night dryness is hormone related. It's not within his control. Please give him reward. My son wasn't dry at night until almost 10 and was dry during the day at 2.5

This is the dumbest strategy I've ever heard. Isn't it clear to you that it can't be trained and he can do it sometimes but not always. Just leave it at nappies for night until he gets dry ones consistently and then ditch them. He's only 6 and you are doing nothing for his self esteem making a big deal out of this. He can't do it. No biggie he's only 6 so wears a pull up no issue. Seems like you've already turned it into something he has to do though. Poor boy.

It’s really unfair to promise a reward for something he has no control over, and withhold the reward when he wets himself at night when he can’t control that. Let him wear the pull-ups till he’s reliably dry, it’s hormone related he’s not intentionally peeing at night

my understanding of nocturnal bed wetting is that it’s hormonally driven so there’s not a lot you can do other than just put mitigations in place. My DD was about 8 before she was properly dry at night (she was dry through the day at 2.5 years), we just used pads for the bed and put up with the sheet changes.
Pull ups are fine but as children get older they might feel a bit infantilised. Depends on the kid.

If he can do it some nights though tjen that is really good and means the end might be in sight.

Being dry at night is developmental stage. He cant control whether his brain wakes him up for it. Stop making an issue of it

Agree with others. You’re in essence punishing him for something that he cannot control. It is massively unreasonable.

Deleted as double posted

I don’t have experience with this like PP’s so I’m not an expert but I have heard good things about the bedwetting alarms. A friend’s child wasn’t dry at night so it was introduced when he just turned 5 and a few weeks later he was dry. A family friend also used them to encourage her son with SN to wake up for the toilet and had great success.

I haven’t done much research on it, it might not work for every child but it could be a start.

That's been our hope!

We've always seen it as not a 'punishment' per se. He's been wearing pull-ups at night for years now-- we only just recently started to dabble in letting him wear undies at night. So, switching back to pull-ups for a bit isn't some huge major big deal.

We just thought it might be a cool little thing to offer a small reward for that eventual day, so he can really feel a sense of accomplishment and pride, once he's able to make it a full month dry.

Doing it by reference to a calendar month is weird. That has no real meaning to a six year old and he can't control it.

I think you are making it into a big deal when it doesn't need to be. He'll be feeling frustrated with his body on something he can't control. With mine, if they were dry for a week they went into pants. Any episodes of wetting (of which there were many before totally dry) they went back into pull ups until dry for a week.

I'm a bit confused. Is that not almost exactly what we're doing...?

We never make a big deal about going back to pull-ups, there's not a lot of fanfare or anything. It's just kind of more "Eh, no big deal. We'll try again later!"

I can kind of see your logic, but still it sounds like the wrong approach.
During potty training, we have given rewards for trying (e.g. sitting on the potty when asked at the beginning, then remembering to go for wees later on), not that much for succeeding.

The issue I can see is that he goes 1 month dry and gets a reward, then fails again the next month so then "fails" the challenge.

I can't see how putting pull ups in this context can NOT look like a punishment. At minima, it's a sign of failure.

I have a 6 year old boy who has also never been fully dry at night. Honestly, your system goes against all of the advice, and it seems like he is being punished for something that is hormonal and for something he can't control- he is asleep for goodness sake!

You should be rewarding him for coming to tell you he's wet the bed, for using the toilet, for trying pants.

Also, his body doesn't know when it is the first of the month... I don't really understand how you feel this system is beneficial?

I would suggest the following:

• go to GP and get a referral to the Enuresis clinic. They can give amazing advice, waiting list might take some time.
• make sure he is drinking at least 1200ml a day.

-no caffeine, fizzy, hot chocolate, blackcurrant and orange juice isn't good either -stop drinking one hour before bed

• at bedtime go to the toilet, but sit down as it fully empties the bladder. Have a story, then go to the toilet for a second time. Called double voiding.
• some suggest to wake him up at your bedtime and make him walk to the toilet, try and rhen return to bed. However this advice changes depending on the person.

-others suggest wearing pants under the pull up so he still gets that uncomfortable, wet feeling. However if he is like my son, he won't wake up for it but just have broken sleep instead.

• consistency is key!!!!!! Must do it every jight.
• reward all the good things, every small step but not just a dry bed. Well done for double voiding, well done for sitting, well done for all that drinking, etc.
• you can get bed wetting alarms, gor some they work great and the Enuresis clinic do offer them, there is a wait though. But again, if he is a deep sleeper this is no good.

Just to try and make this more understanding for you, my two children were both potty trained at the same age, same parent. My son is 6.5 and not dry at night. My 3 year old has just potty trained and is dry most nights after 1.5 weeks. They are ready or they aren't, it isn't their fault.

I honestly think yiur son deserves a massive prize for persevering and trying again every month. Instead it does feel like he lost his reward after nearly half a month... this could create anxiety about toileting even though I really don't believe this is your intention at all.

Also, if family members weren't dry until older, or adhd is part of this picture, among many other research studies- there are loads of reasons why children take a bit longer. And until.recently you couldn't seek help for this until the child was 7 years old, but thankfully NICE changed the guidelines not too long ago. You'd be surprised how common it is!

We've never approached it as a punishment. I'm 100% fully aware he can't control it - that's why pull-ups have sort of been the default at night for so long. He does not get upset at wearing pull-ups, I should have made clear... that's what he's been wearing at night for years now! It doesn't bother him.

The reward for sure isn't something so huge that he's completely devastated when it doesn't happen... it's just a sort of small little fun thing, that we thought we could do as a small acknowledgement when he's finally able to stay dry. Just a little high-five sort of thing, that's all.

Honestly, we cheer dry-pull ups just as much. He CHUGS water, which I'm super happy about, because I myself have chronically been terrible at drinking water, so we've never made a point to strictly limit drinks at bedtime. However, he sleeps so, SO deeply, that waking him at night would honestly be a disaster for us as a family.

'Double voiding' is 100% something we'll try though! I do remind him to try and go each night before bed, but that's about it. At this point I don't even really check to make sure he even did, as I'm usually busy with one of the other kids.

Perhaps a trip to your GP for a chat maybe in order. There are lots of things that can be done to help with nocturnal bed wetting. I understand your strategy, but in my honest opinion ‘rewarding’ something he has no control over whatsoever is a non starter.

Fingers crossed he gets sorted.

It's not punishment but you are not giving him a treat, which to a 6yo is punishment.

All 3 of my boys took until 7/8. We did the alarm with two of them once they were 8 which worked within days. I wouldn't have bothered at 6 unless your son is actually bothered. We didn't make a big deal, although my mother was always pushing for them to be dry and did try them without pull ups when they slept at hers...more fool her. She was the same about potty training. I myself was a bit older until I was dry at night and I remember she used to tell me it was because I was upset about my dad leaving. Looking back now it's just I obviously wasn't ready but she needed a different reason to explain to herself.

I don't see the rush.

Thank you!! we're hoping! Within the past year he's already gone from every single night in a row sopping wet, to a majority of nights wet, to now where he's actually waking up DRY pretty often. So our hope is it's kind of on it's way out, before too long...? But certainly not pushing him if his body isn't ready yet.

We always tried to not view it as a 'reward' per se...? Like, we never get at all upset over wet pull-ups or even underwear. It's always just been a small thing that we hoped he could look forward to-- but not be something so massive that he's heartbroken when it doesn't happen.

...and usually, that's the case! The only reason it was a bit different this month, is just because he did (comparatively) so well last month, making it almost the entire month. But this month he's already back to pull-ups after less than a week.

I did a lousy job of explaining it in the the OP-- but he's not so much bothered about the 'reward'... but rather he's just frustrated that now he has a full month of pull-ups at night to look forward to.

I was dry day and night at 18 months, I couldn't walk till 22 months but I would just tell people I needed the potty or the toilet and I used to just sleep thru the night but the potty was in the room if I needed it as I could get out of bed and crawl to it if needed.

So my mum thought my brother and sister would be dry around the same time. My sister was 3 before she was continually dry day and night and my brother was 7 though we think he was just lazy at home as he was dry all day at school and my mum told him that now he was 7 he was a big boy and big boys didn't wet the bed and after that night he was dry.

My oldest son was only 2 when he was completely dry my 2nd was around 3 but my youngest was either 5 or just before 5 as he was starting P1 in the August and I was worried about accidents during school times so I was thinking id have to pack numerous changes of clothes and it might make him not want to go to school when suddenly he just started using the toilet and being dry at bedtime within a week of being dry during the day. So I wouldn't be pushing to try him being dry at night until his brain sends the hormone and he will be dry continuously at night.

My son was nearly 7 before he was out of pull-ups at night. Weirdly when u was at the end of my tether with it I spoke to a friend and she said there’s a link between blackcurrant juice and wetting bed. It sounds so weird and even as I’m typing this I know I may be risking a pasting 🤔😉 But we did cut Blackcurrant juice and I’m not saying it totally was the cure but I can’t discount it 🤔