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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To rage about where I live (noisy village)

22 replies

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:01

In lots of ways I know IABU, as it’s in a nice part of the country. I think my feelings about it are definitely affected by the fact that it was way more partner’s choice than mine, it’s near where he grew up and he felt it would be a good place to raise children which, on the whole, it is. But, I’m increasingly feeling that I hate where I live. It’s what used to be a very small, quiet village, no shop, one pub, and not well connected - train station to nearest (small) city is a 20 minute walk away, nearest (small) town is a half hour walk away.

In the last 10 years or so the village has had a real influx of new build housing and more people so, while still badly connected and difficult to get out of and boring, it’s not quiet. The road that runs through the village is really busy and noisy from early morning to evening and it’s driving me crazy particularly in summer when you ideally want the windows open. I just feel, for goodness sake, if we’re going to live somewhere so dull and cut off I at least want quiet? Yes in theory I could drive to the town or train station and that’s quicker than walking but parking has become a huge issue, unless you literally take off at 7am there’s no guarantee of a parking place at the station and so again it just feels like the worst of both worlds in terms of being both cut off and busy. I feel like I’m constantly champing my teeth in frustration. AIBU to feel there has to be something better than this? I lived in a midsize UK city previously and had total quiet in my neighbourhood plus could walk to cafes etc in about 10 minutes, half an hour into city centre. You know, an actual life. It’s driving me crazy!

OP posts:
idontknow54789 · 09/08/2025 21:18

Living 20min walk away from a station and 30min walk from a town doesn’t sound very rural to me, more suburban. And if cars are presumably going 30mph I don’t see how they are too noisy to have your windows open?

MyLimeZebra · 09/08/2025 21:18

I could have written this post! So no YANBU, I hate the village we live in, also my partners choice.

MyLimeZebra · 09/08/2025 21:19

I will add your village sounds more connected than mine

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:20

MyLimeZebra · 09/08/2025 21:18

I could have written this post! So no YANBU, I hate the village we live in, also my partners choice.

Solidarity! It sucks 😂

OP posts:
milkandblackspiders · 09/08/2025 21:25

I'd love to live 20 mins walk to a station and 30 mins walk into town, that sounds pretty well connected to me, and better than many suburbs! We get 3 busses a day here and I'm not even particularly rural, there's a city 3 miles away.

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:26

idontknow54789 · 09/08/2025 21:18

Living 20min walk away from a station and 30min walk from a town doesn’t sound very rural to me, more suburban. And if cars are presumably going 30mph I don’t see how they are too noisy to have your windows open?

I didn’t use the word rural, but suburban definitely isn’t right. It’s a traditional village with a church and pub (but no shops), used to be about 1000 people, not sure how many after the new builds. I’m towards the edge of the village so can probably hear cars coming towards the village at 50mph before they slow down to 30mph, but either way, it’s noisy and it’s constant and to me it negates the point of being in a village. I have lived in the London suburbs, and they were also quieter and had (obviously) a lot more amenities.

OP posts:
JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:28

milkandblackspiders · 09/08/2025 21:25

I'd love to live 20 mins walk to a station and 30 mins walk into town, that sounds pretty well connected to me, and better than many suburbs! We get 3 busses a day here and I'm not even particularly rural, there's a city 3 miles away.

30 minutes walk into a small town is definitely not better than the suburbs in my experience.

OP posts:
milkandblackspiders · 09/08/2025 21:31

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:28

30 minutes walk into a small town is definitely not better than the suburbs in my experience.

I meant in terms of walking distance into town - the last suburb I lived in would take over an hour to walk into town

EmeraldRoulette · 09/08/2025 21:39

How close are you to the noise of the cars?

I thought you were going to say something else. Where I live can be very quiet.

But people are so determined to make a noise. Playing music out of their windows etc. Everyone has a dog. I know it's summer and it's obviously been a good one or it has where I live. I find myself wondering where the hell you go to get peace and quiet.

I'm wondering how close you are to the car noise. If that's all you've got to contend with, it's not too bad. I think you have to live up a mountain to get quiet now.

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:41

milkandblackspiders · 09/08/2025 21:31

I meant in terms of walking distance into town - the last suburb I lived in would take over an hour to walk into town

Yeah but I suspect that’s not really comparing like with like? When I lived in the London suburbs it would take 2-3 hours to walk into the city centre. But within about 20 minutes you could be on a really bustling high street with a massive supermarket.

When you say ‘town’, if it’s the suburbs then presumably you really mean city? So maybe it takes twice as long to get to the centre, but my guess would be there’s a lot more than twice as much going on in the centre versus my small town, and I’d also assume you have at least some amenities nearer than that.

OP posts:
JNicholson · 09/08/2025 21:43

EmeraldRoulette · 09/08/2025 21:39

How close are you to the noise of the cars?

I thought you were going to say something else. Where I live can be very quiet.

But people are so determined to make a noise. Playing music out of their windows etc. Everyone has a dog. I know it's summer and it's obviously been a good one or it has where I live. I find myself wondering where the hell you go to get peace and quiet.

I'm wondering how close you are to the car noise. If that's all you've got to contend with, it's not too bad. I think you have to live up a mountain to get quiet now.

As I’ve said, I’ve lived in the London suburbs and a mid-size UK city, and in both cases my neighbourhoods were much quieter than this village.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 09/08/2025 21:48

@JNicholson yes but what I'm trying to figure out is what about it is really bothering you

Is it car noise? Is it the fact that they're going at higher speeds? If you're going to move, then you probably need to factor in how noisy places are generally. And what kind of noises bother you.

if you move somewhere else now, after 10 years, you'll probably find a whole bunch of other noises that are really annoying. Because everywhere is much noisier and busier than it was 10 years ago. Or at least that's how it feels to me.

Sorry not to be more positive.

Beck30 · 09/08/2025 21:50

You say this has happened over 10 years or so; presumably you have lived there for longer than this? Did you see plans for a large number of new builds increasing the population significantly, or feel a noticeable increase of traffic etc say 5 years ago? If so - why did you not move?

VintageMarket · 09/08/2025 22:13

From my own personal experience OP I would say that two things are in play here.

One is that almost everywhere where there are people has got busier, nosier and faster in the last 10 plus years. I think if you were to move back to the places you lived before they wouldn't be as you remember them.

Secondly, as you age you notice these things more. When I look back on my life there was a stage when I was the one rushing around making the noise and now I am the one finding it irritating.

Hankunamatata · 09/08/2025 22:22

If you live on the main road, could u move somewhere else in the village

ShinyPebble32 · 09/08/2025 22:25

When you say noisy are you referring to just general traffic noise or a certain feature?
I live in a village that’s famous for something that’s been noisy for 100 years, and people still move here and then moan about the noise 🙃

BourgeoisBabe · 09/08/2025 22:25

Although I love the outdoors, sea swim all year, walk, cycle etc, I also love city life and would hate to live somewhere like you describe. I think you need to discuss compromise with your partner.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 09/08/2025 22:27

I’m in bed now, windows wide open.
i can hear an owl, and a lamb in the distance. That’s it.
i live in a village with a primary school, shop, pub, doctors, vet, bus to nearest city, five a day, takes 50 minutes.
its very very quiet here and lots of places around here.
don’t compromise OP, not everywhere is noisy!

lavendarwillow · 09/08/2025 22:32

I live in a busy commuter town but my road is so quiet, you can literally hear a pin drop. It’s a non-through road though and set far away from the main road. I was recently on a rural UK break but every morning I was woken up by cars on a nearby A road. I couldn’t stand it.

JNicholson · 09/08/2025 22:33

Twoshoesnewshoes · 09/08/2025 22:27

I’m in bed now, windows wide open.
i can hear an owl, and a lamb in the distance. That’s it.
i live in a village with a primary school, shop, pub, doctors, vet, bus to nearest city, five a day, takes 50 minutes.
its very very quiet here and lots of places around here.
don’t compromise OP, not everywhere is noisy!

Thanks. Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of environment it might actually be worth being in a village for.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 09/08/2025 23:48

I couldn’t bear it. I’m a city person, but if I lived in a village I need to be within five minutes walk of whatever the action is.

Caerulea · 09/08/2025 23:58

Just for fun, I looked at how long it would take me to walk to the nearest train station...7 and a half hours 😂. 3hrs 40 minutes by bus, 41 minute drive (though much longer at this time of year).

But anyway, can totally see where you're coming from op. We're very rural but have a huge population increase in summer & the additional noise drives me fucking mad. At least we go back to being quiet in October

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