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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

£100K - difference of opinion on how it should be spent.

169 replies

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 19:26

Name changed. We’ve inherited (dh parent) just over a £100k. Both late 50’s with good defined benefit pensions of many years and good max lump sums if we want to take it of £200k or minimum of £50k tax free if we want to keep max monthly pension. Annual pensions will be £85K with state pension included. One child at uni whom we have saved £40k for towards flat deposit. Fees via student loan but we pay maintenance/halls/rent cost.

Dh earns a third more than I do, combined income £95k. Debts £20k as we needed some house works. Mortgage still £170k as we lost a business and had to sell up so didn’t re-enter the property market again in SE until 6 years ago. House worth £450k.

Over the years we’ve travelled extensively around the world and spent a lot on holidays. I’d like to pay off the debts, put a patio in (5K), buy a £10-12k car as ours is on its last legs and then put the rest towards the mortgage. Dh wants to pay off the debts, put a patio in, get the car then spend the rest travelling more whilst we can.

In my scenario, paying off the debts and paying down the mortgage will mean we can save an extra £1200 a month. With his scenario, it would be an extra £600 a month. We only have savings of £15k taking out dc savings of £40k above.

I think the longer term plan is to move to the South coast but houses there will probably be about the same as where we are price wise.

Dh thinks we should live a little now as we’re getting older and health wise things are creeping up. He envisages we’ll slow down in our 70’s and the pension savings will accrue then. I feel we need to be more sensible now to build more of a cushion. If there is another inheritance, it’s only likely to be about £20k.

What would you do?

OP posts:
GargoylesofBeelzebub · 09/08/2025 20:50

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2025 20:15

How have you managed to get such high DB pensions on your salaries? That seems very strange.

It doesn't seem right does it?

G5000 · 09/08/2025 20:55

his parent, he decides.

CatCollector · 09/08/2025 20:59

Get rid of the mortgage
All those saying what if you get / ill or die
Having 170K mortgage in that circumstance is no fun either.
I paid mine off mid forties and have zero regrets.Was able to go PT
The pension seems startlingly high !?

DinaofCloud9 · 09/08/2025 20:59

I think DH needs to make the decision not you.

Trotula · 09/08/2025 21:00

I would pay off the debts, get the patio and car sorted as you both agree on this and then consider the options for the remainder, especially as you have already travelled extensively.

Not the point of your OP but I’m wondering why you have debts while
saving £40k for a deposit for your son? It’s a great thing to do for him but you are paying interest on that debt!

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:02

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2025 20:15

How have you managed to get such high DB pensions on your salaries? That seems very strange.

Includes the state pension for both of us.

OP posts:
Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:03

Antin · 09/08/2025 20:11

Given your ages, have you considered paying AVCs into your pension? I appreciate that you have a very healthy annual pension already but you could pay into AVCs tax free (you would get a rebate from HMRC assuming you haven’t maxed your pension allowances) then you would be able to draw this down tax free.

It’s probably worth a quick call with a financial advisor. It isn’t always best to reduce the mortgage but it’s nuanced and very much case- dependent

Yes, looking into this but thinking ISA’s might be more flexible.

OP posts:
Frolie · 09/08/2025 21:04

Travel! Life is short and you never know what’s around the corner. My parents worked so hard their whole life and always intended to travel when they retired. However they were struck down by serious illnesses- cancer and neurological disease within a year of retiring at 68. Travel when you can!

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:04

EasternSkies · 09/08/2025 20:04

What age are you planning to retire?

What are does your £85k a year kick in?

My guess is that once you hit 63 you will be ready to retire.

I would do whatever enables you to retire soonest and THEN do all your travelling. If you retire early enough you will have plenty of early retirement years.

In DH’s plan you fit your travelling in now in between work but then might be tied to work for longer.

What’s your plan for paying off your mortgage? And managing before state pension kicks in?

£85k a year with no mortgage to pay seems a v v generous amount to me.

We’ll probably both have to work to 67. Defined benefit pension and state pensions will kick in then.

OP posts:
Poobs2022 · 09/08/2025 21:06

I inherited a large sum from my grandad. Husband wanted to put a huge amount towards the mortgage but instead we've invested most of it and kept 50k back for holidays and buying stuff and doing up the house. We are 40 tho so lots of time left for working. I would travel now while you can. Do some bucket list stuff.

oldFoolMe · 09/08/2025 21:06

I would travel while you still can. Maybe not spend all of it but definitely spend some. No guarantee you will make it to pension age and see any pension so enjoy it now. Life is short

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:06

Harassedevictee · 09/08/2025 20:12

@Wrinkledretainer I understand your nervousness. What you need to do is break the pensions down into what each of you would have if the other sadly died. This would partly inform how much lump sum each of you take as I would be aiming for the same pension/widows pension so who ever is the survivor has the same amount.

You have a house worth £600k once the mortgage is paid off. This can fund a smaller downsized property with lower running costs which cuts outgoings and potentially releases capital.

Life is about a balance and you both agree on paying off the debts, the patio and new car which is sensible. That leaves about £60k, personally I would probably go for £30k off mortgage and the rest on travel/savings. However, this is DHs inheritance so I would defer to him.

This calculator https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/mortgage-overpayment-calculator/ shows how much you can save by overpaying the mortgage. If you reduced the mortgage by £20 or £30k but keep on paying the same monthly amount how much would you save in interest and how many years earlier would you pay it off. Once you have no mortgage you have £1200 a month to save and use for holidays.

The house is worth £450k. Unfortunately not a lot of room financially to downsize in the South if you include the costs of moving.

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 21:07

Good god I don't know
I'm not a financial advisor why don't you pay for one. Surely, with all that money and pensions, you can afford it

oldFoolMe · 09/08/2025 21:08

Frolie · 09/08/2025 21:04

Travel! Life is short and you never know what’s around the corner. My parents worked so hard their whole life and always intended to travel when they retired. However they were struck down by serious illnesses- cancer and neurological disease within a year of retiring at 68. Travel when you can!

Same, my dad died within the first year! You may not get the opportunity later

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:08

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2025 20:18

They’re not ‘comfortable’. They are late 50s and in debt to the tune of £190K.

You’re right and this worries me.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 09/08/2025 21:09

I don't get this question.

It's a simple maths question.

What leaves you financially better off in terms of compound effects?

If one option means you end up with more money than the alternative option that perhaps gets you more things in the immediate future, isn't stopped because you ultimately will still have the money to do it.

The problem is framing it as a 'who is right' or 'who decides' type answer. It's a stupid response from both parties.

Who SHOULD decide? Your maths.

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:11

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 09/08/2025 20:50

It doesn't seem right does it?

The £85K figure includes both defined benefit pensions taken at 67 (both started early in the final salary schemes which switched to career average). Plus a full state pension each on top.

OP posts:
OudAndRose · 09/08/2025 21:11

I would totally pay it off the mortgage but I am financially conservative.

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:15

Thank you for all of your comments, lots for us to discuss.

OP posts:
Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:16

Also the £85k is gross, we’ll obviously be taxed on it.

OP posts:
Scarylett · 09/08/2025 21:20

Life is short. I have many friends with cancer or ill health. Do the travelling.

luckylavender · 09/08/2025 21:20

mynameiscalypso · 09/08/2025 19:30

I realise when you’re married that it’s joint money but I generally think the person whose parent(s) died gets more say in what the month should be used for.

Absolutely this. Both my parents have recently died & I wouldn’t like it if he told me what to do with the eventual inheritance. We’ve discussed it & I listen to his opinion but I get the casting vote. When he inherited I did the same.

AvidJadeShaker · 09/08/2025 21:24

DH gets to choose.

AvidJadeShaker · 09/08/2025 21:26

Wrinkledretainer · 09/08/2025 21:11

The £85K figure includes both defined benefit pensions taken at 67 (both started early in the final salary schemes which switched to career average). Plus a full state pension each on top.

Have you looked at retiring early and having a smaller pension?

Lavenderflower · 09/08/2025 21:30

I think this DH inheritance - I think he should have ultimate say on how it gets spent.