Friends SIL dumped her DH while in USA

[canyoufeelz]

Background is the wife of a close friends brother is American and recently travelled back by herself home to see her family. Her DH was under the impression that she would return home. Turns out she has dumped him over the phone and has no plans to return to the UK as she would prefer to live in sunny Southern California and does not want to have any kids, which DH does eventually want to have but not for another 5 years at least. The DH did know they was having serious marriage issues so her splitting with him was not out of the realm of possibility.

The said wife has got a lot of negative opinion regarding her actions in our friend group. Dumping him while in another country has not gone down well.

Do you think friends SIL behaved in an unforgivable manner?

"Unforgivable" or not is not really relevant. She's ended it and isn't coming back so whether he or their friends forgive her or not is not relevant.

Objectively if he's a decent chap and she's just an avoidant type then her behaviour is a bit shit. If he's the sort that would have got angry or guilt tripped her then it's more understandable that she wanted to end it from a distance.

I blame Trump

No, I think any woman who is willing to walk away from her job, her friends, her possessions, her home like that will have had strong reasons to do so. I hope for her sake it was just a bad marriage and not an abusive one.

Plot twist - he done her in and invented her trip to America and fabricated the phone call! 🕵️🫆⚰️

How are you involved? Is this just gossip?

You’ve given enough details that those involved/people close to them could recognise the situation if they saw it. Is your friend okay with you posting about his brother’s marriage issues?

Perhaps she just got back to her family and roots and felt so relaxed and relieved that it emphasised how unhappy she was with him all those miles away. Perhaps she hadn’t fully made her mind up until she was there. Perhaps her family helped her decide. If the marriage is over does it really matter? Would it really make much difference if she had flown home, told him she was leaving in person and left?

That's awful!

I think she easily could have realised how much happier she was there without him. Or realised with her loved ones around her that what she felt for him was much less. Should she be expected to fly back to tell him and then fly home again in that case? That seems a lot for one conversation. I think it's understandable that she phoned him instead.

She must not care much about her stuff though, because I wouldn't bet on getting everything back!

I never involve myself in other people’s relationships/marriages. I find that works out well for me.

None of your business OP and you especially shouldn’t be posting online about it.

Why would she care what her UK friends think? She's probably never going to see them again.

It's going to make the divorce more complicated.

I too would run fast to the hills given the choice of living the single life in sunny california or being married to a Brit in Newscastle. Good for her.

Well, if he wants kids and she does not and she is happy never seeing him again, I'm not sure it makes much of a difference how she broke things off with him. The sooner he gets over her and feels able to look for someone who is actually compatible with him, the better. I wouldn't expect any of his friends or family to think much of her, but apparently she wanted a complete break from him, so I doubt she cares.

Yet another One Post Wonder. Getting a bit sick of these…

Not unforgivable or even necessarily unreasonable; if she wanted to end her relationship that was her right, as it would be his if the roles were reversed. Ideally she would have told him that she meant to end the relationship rather than saying or implying that she'd be back while knowing she would not. Could she have been afraid that if she'd tried to end the relationship before leaving the country he would have somehow stopped her? I think it's really hard to view things like this objectively from outside of the relationship.

Be fair. How many people on here, given the chance, would rather live in California with no kids. Not that it's remotely any business of yours.

Yeah I was going to say that it’s quite forgivable simply considering the merits of living in beautiful California versus damp, grey UK.

It’s literally the opposite. California is warm, sunny, and dry nearly all year and Britain is chilly, cloudy, and wet most of the time. Poor woman probably developed a raging case of seasonal depression.

What has she done wrong? Nothing. She was unhappy in her marriage so she ended it. Good for her.

completely agree with you @MrsTerryPratchett.

So irritating, have started to check if OP has responded, before posting.

Sure. When men do this, they are judged though. Even if there are no kids. "My husband left for a holiday and then dumped me while he was away" would always provoke a very supportive reaction towards the wife, especially on Mumsnet. "I wanted a baby and he divorced me" would similarly be met with sympathy usually

Gossip is what this site is built on.

I think what she did is fair enough.