to not want to look after two three year olds? (long post, sorry!)

[jessikart]

I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant and have literally just started maternity leave in the last few days. Whilst I was working DH & I shared childcare with DB & SIL as our boys are almost exactly the same age (only three weeks between them!). Usually this'd mean one parent having them 9-12:15, preschool until three, then another parent having them until 18:00, so that three of the four parents could work at any given time (we all work together).

It worked ok, but there were always niggles - nephew was always early here, late to be picked up, or when we went to collect the boys/DS to take them to preschool/home they wouldn't be ready. A few times when DS stayed at home because he was ill, they'd assume it was ok for nephew to stay here too so I'd end up looking after two three year olds for six hours, then have to go to work at three. Nothing too dreadful, but when it keeps happening it becomes an issue.

Throughout this pregnancy I've had SPD and the midwives have constantly urged me to rest which just hasn't been possible until now. Just having the one boy to look after has been so much easier for me, not to mention that DS's behaviour has dramatically improved since he has had me one on one for a few days.

DB & SIL are deeply unhappy with the situation however - apparently they think 'I'm letting the side down' and 'I've really messed them about'. In reply I'd like to tell them that I'm really hurt that neither one of them has once asked about my pregnancy or made the slightest concession towards me work or home-wise to acknowledge that I might find things more tricky when I'm a) preggers or b) after the baby's arrived...

Do they pay you for childminding?

If not, you don't owe them anything and they're just pissed off cos they've got to find a childminder now

Your health is far more important - I had SPD and it HURTS!

Clearly yabu.

obv spd means adjusting what you can do. If you were pg with pfb and working full-time you'd be making adjustments. this isn't so different.

I suggest you do discuss how things could work once you go on 'mat leave' as such and can no longer care for their son and when you have new little one.

I suggest a settling in period from now or very soon til you feel established wioth your new one and ds1. Before you take on external childcare again. Invite round for a cuppa and say right so I'll be going on mat leave and unab;le to work, including looking after other children so what shall we do? Shall we review in 6 months?

duh yanbu sorry typo

If you were working for anyone else I think you know your answer.

The fact you are working with family should make no difference to your eligibility for days off sick and maternity leave.

So go to the GP and get a sick note, which exempts you from working, like you would if you worked for a 'boss' - you may be entitled to some welfare payments also.

Legally you are entitled to maternity leave and sick days - this case is no different.

Please be assertive and look after yourself, SPD can get a lot worse if you don't mind it - hope your wrists are Ok also?.

You deserve to have a lovely pregnancy, birth and babymoon without this hanging over your head.
YANBU

I think DH & I should have been more assertive, definitely, about what I could be expected to manage childcarewise, but I think we were just assuming that the other family would understand what it's like when it gets to this point - dangerous assumption!

I should have said that my mum's on high alert - as soon as I text her to let her know that things are happening she'll be on a plane back to the UK and has said she'll look after me, the house, the boys, DH, etc for as long as she's needed (that'll be the next twenty years then!), so it's not as though we've not got back up - there's just a blip in childcare at the mo.

SPD is horrible....horrible horrible horrible

ask them how they would feel, heavily pregnant, and feeling as tho someone was sawing them in half from the fanjo up, slowly, and grindingly....

and while looking after at least 1 x 3yo!!!!!(if not 2!)

if they are huffy, that is their problem.....

assuming that at some point they will also be having another baby????

well.....just hope for their sakes they don;t go thro this....after all, what goes around comes around so they say

ignore them...you will very very soon have a new baby to focus on...maybe they are a tad jealous that you are having what they want???