Dealing With Abusive Neighbours

[OldLadyP]

This is a long story but in short we have lived in our house for over 30 years. New neighbours moved in and almost immediately began complaining about things like being able to see our bins which are up the side of our house, a fence panel that blew down when we were away on holiday, people (nothing to do with us) parking too near their drive all of which we dealt with politely. When they erected a huge trampoline within 7 ft of our lounge windows their teenage children would stand on it and play music, looking into our property sometimes until 10 pm. Rather than make a fuss we decided to erect a screen. This sent the neighbours into some sort of meltdown. The began shouting abuse at my husband telling his our fence was dangerous and that they were going to take us to court, which they did. Then then put up several cameras looking straight into the front, back and side of our house. The wife began taunting my husband with things she had "overheard". When we told our solicitor he said take photos, which my husband did. The neighbours called the police - accusing him of spying on their teenage daughter in her bedroom (where they had placed a camera). Despite the police dismissing this (and other wild accusations they made against us) my husband was destroyed. He had a breakdown and is on medication and receiving therapy. I don't think he is ever going to recover. Now a year on they want to mediate, but on their terms. We have suggested a specialist in mediation because of my husband's frailty, but the cost is horrific. We are pensioners, what can we do?

Let them sue you, what's their claim? You said mediation is on their terms, have they stated what they want. I wouldn't engage at all, have you got written evidence you offered to move the post.

Hi this all started with them
claiming money for things like a new fence they put up on their property when they moved in because they didn’t like the view into our garden. They claimed we flooded their garage and caused damage to bikes etc stored (we live on a steep hill and their house has always had problems) and wanted us to pay them £5k. When we refused that’s when the trampoline the cameras and the constant harassment started xx

Every time they say something say “sorry to hear that, have a nice day”. Do not engage at all. Your solicitor saying you will look bad if you won’t mediate, that is nonsense. It is wholly inappropriate given the circumstances and the fact they have caused your husband to become unwell. As I said previously, it’s no difference to mediation being inappropriate in an abusive relationship.

If you receive solicitors letters, I’d simply reply “if your client feels they have a case, they must make an application to the court”, yours sincerely. Let them throw their money down the drain or lose money on their house because they’ve behaved the way they have. They are bullies and are counting on you being frightened and giving in. I’ve been in this position with appalling neighbours, they soon backed down.

In the meantime, quietly keep recordings, records and evidence and let them dig their own graves. Do not let this impact on your life any more than it has already. They have fuck all power.

I sold a flat where I had hideous neighbours. I was honest and said we had been having problems with noise but also stated this was personal to us as my then husband had a job that they took offence to.
they torched my car, threatened us, council and police both involved.
still sold the flat at a reasonable price.

Have they ever won any of these claims, I don't know why you need mediation, I'd just ignore them and report any further harrassment to the police.

I would sell up and move. It’s really not worth your personal or emotional health. I know that it’s not fair but is it worth your poor husbands life? There not going to change they’ve probably being doing this for years

What they are doing is called bullying and harassment. I wouldn't spend money on mediation, they can come and talk politely to you! That's mediation.

I think you have been too accommodating and polite and they have decided that you are a pushover. Not everyone wants to fight back but I would do what you can along the lines of blanking them, refusing to speak unless they make it clear what it is they want and then can you get hold of a smartphone and turn on voice recorder and tell them you are recording the conversation? Spend your money on a 6ft fence, they can't stop you doing that.

If you have any male members of your family who are 6ft guys or similar, can you arrange times when you can have a loud gathering in the garden when these family members are present? I like someone else's idea of occasional security type people around. Does your husband have male friends, could they come around and support?

I wondered about the teenagers and where they go to school, you could threaten speaking to the school about their behaviour.

We moved into an estate house with a neighbour who we were nice to who quickly started bullying us. We built a fence inside the joint fence (trellis panels on wooden posts) that was taller than the joint fence and we planted it with quick growing climbers. We completely ignored him whenever we saw him, we had to put up with loud belching and music in the garden quite often but we just went inside and closed the door/windows.

In a bit, he changed and got a dog which possibly made him nicer and he tried to talk to us if he saw us. My stupid DH would exchange brief phrases but I went on ignoring him, treat these bullies as they deserve.

Ignore them completely the stupid idiots. You dont need mediation. Hopefully they fuck off.

Best advice here.
They are horrible bullies but also stupid and weak - relying on you to be frightened, probably knowing or suspecting how badly they've affected your husband.
Do not give them more power and as above, mediation isn't going to help and is not suitable due to their aggressiveness and harrassment. It's just going to be money down the drain for you. LET THEM do as they wish through the courts, any same judge will see through this bullshit easily, once they've heard your side and seen the police logs.
Anything they do keep a diary or best Try to Record with your phone, keep reporting them to the police anytime they act intimidating too.

@OldLadyP How are things?

Thank you so much for asking. Not good. I went away for a short break with my daughter and left Hub home alone. The neighbour tried to climb into the back garden and break down an old fence panel we had repaired several times and intended to replace at some point but was still functional and keeping the dog safe. It was sturdy but not attractive I'll admit. My husband was so frightened I had to come home. I contacted the police who said they would add it to the list! The solicitors are still pressing for mediation and we have to agree we've been told otherwise the courts will look favourably on their side. Even though we haven't got the money and our insurance say they can't cover this time of legal dispute as its not straight forward, I feel my only course is to gain some sort of injunction against them and start my own court battle but whether my husband can cope with that I really don't know. I'm collating evidence and writing everything down. It helps knowing there are nice people out there like you thinking about us so thank you!

Good grief! My love, I would be coming down hard with the police, they are harassing and now trespassing and terrorising your husband and you’d like them to do something about it! Today! I don’t agree with your solicitor and I think you need a better one. No judge is going to see the list of horrors that they have bestowed on you and say you’re unreasonable. Mediation is absolutely not suitable in this abuse situation. Plus you can’t afford it. The end! You can’t magic up money you haven’t got! I’m angry for you that nobody is doing anything about this. Have you thought about seeking assistance from your MP because I’d definitely go down that route too. These bastards are walking all over you. What do your children make of it?

Oh and I’d be painting anti climb paint on your fence and putting up barbed wire. Fuck them. That’ll bloody teach them. I hope you also have a camera recording this.