AIBU to think my Ex is a loon?

[myXisaloon]

Got divorced from dickhead a couple of years ago. All clean break.

Since then I have been using my Tesco Clubcard to collect points (not actually Tesco, but equivalent, and you can also collect points on the same card in a pharmacy chain a DIY chain etc.), and last week was asked if I wanted to use some points off a purchase because their was a double points offer on one of the items I bought. The value was in the 35-40 pound range.

Today I got a shitty text from my ex that I have been stealing from him, and I’m a thief, because I cashed in his points.
Check my card, and indeed it is his!

It was a genuine mistake.

I could just send him the money, which is easiest but confirms to him that I am a Thief! and legitimizes anything he might say to the teenage children and others.
Or I could say “sure see how you get on with the police”
Or I could say “actually you need to send me the full list of purchases so I can calculate how many points I accumulated first.” He knows I have also accumulated points because of the location of one of the stores on the screenshot he sent me.

He isn’t short of money - on about 200K a year.

This volcanic behaviour is very typical of him, there is no talking to him at all. When I share some of the stuff he did before and during the separation people just shake their heads in disbelief.

Obviously I have name changed because he has stalked me on MN for years and gets my ex-SIL to do so too.

I haven’t replied yet, but would like people’s thoughts

I would ignore and make sure you don’t use his card, where is yours?

if he kicks off then I would ask him for the list as you suggested so those points come off what you owe him

Exactly the same thing happened to me, only I was the one adding points to a card in my ex's name.

If it wasn't declared and discussed at the point of separation and division of assets, then I don't think he has a leg to stand on.

I had set up my contact lens sub to add points to my ex's Boots card. Completely forgot about it, only remembered years later when I asked Boots to check where the points were going. Oh well, whatever. It's not like I'd have been a millionaire off the back of 5+ years of Boots Advantage. Couldn't care less.

Short version - Your Ex is being a muppet and you should tell him to do one.

I have no idea where mine is, or whether I ever had a separate points account.

I have organized my own today.

Oops - didn't realise that was your card ex. I must have been accumulating points on it too so I expect it will have balanced out, but it's too small an amount to be worth quibbling over so I am sending you £xxx.

Actually, now that I think on it, we had a card with about 15 years worth of Sainsbury shopping points and I never saw a penny from that! 😡

I would so love to tell him to do one, and to let him experience the years of frustration and having to say nothing to keep the peace, because he has a shorter and shorter fuse.

‘Don’t be fucking ridiculous’

I did read an incredible divorce court judgement once where one of the items at issue was the avios points though. Always wondered how many it was

You both sound very immature if it's got down to arguing over bloody Clubcard points. Just get your own.

“You could’ve mentioned it whilst I was earning points on the card, seems like you have been stealing my points for a while then. Let’s call it quits and move on.”

If you have to respond.

I try not to be immature but feel stuck in a bind of either giving my abusive ex the money which then will be a reason to further denigrate me to my children, (it proves I was always a thief) or standing up for myself a little and getting any amount of abuse.

With abusers it isn’t about the topic on the surface - it is about manufacturing a reason to abuse their target.

I dated a man who had this. The judge told her not to be a loon (in polite Judge words!)

If it’s a clean break just ignore him

I’d ignore but if challenged say “you only spent what you accumulated”. Glad you have your own now.

Do you have children with this man? If so, just move on for the sake of your children and keep things civil between you.

Not much point in name-changing if you’re going to post the details of a very unique incident with a Nectar card. Be the better person. He might be a loon but you are not looking much better by posting about it on a public forum that the whole world can see.

And get your own Nectar card.

How childish. Can you ignore him?

Could you send him £40 in 1p pieces?

OP says they have teenage children.

Tbh there are limited reasons for even limited contact once they're teenagers. One email address for emergencies should suffice.

'Who dis?'

I’d go with this reply, it seems he was happy enough for you to add points to his card and only got the hump when you had the temerity to spend some of them!

This

Ignore him.

Although to be honest, if my ex used my points I'd think he was a cheeky fucker and tell him to get his own.

But you've done that now anyway, so just ignore or apologise for the mistake.

Send a text- see you in court, nothing more.