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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 9 year old to go to the shop in his pyjamas?

57 replies

MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 11:21

Question is that really.

Will give some more context though as I’m really annoyed!

Husband and I are on hols with our two boys 8 and 9 in a place we come a lot. Safe small village, house we stay at has a little village shop round the corner the kids are allowed to go to alone from time to time to buy a drink or lolly as a holiday treat.

This year we have friends with us - single dad and his 2 daughters, 5 and 9.

Last night about 8 I’d got all the kids ready for bed, bathed and in pyjamas and watching a movie. Grownups were in front of the house (garden is on the front) having a glass of wine.

I caught my eldest having pinched some money from the house, with the elder girl, trying to sneak off to go to the shop. I said absolutely not - it was too late, we don’t walk round the street in our pyjamas, they didn’t need to be getting sugar, we don’t steal money from the house! To my mind eldest son was trying it on to impress his mate, absolute no. Anyway son then threw a strop and took himself off to bed (too bad, boundaries), but then the girls cried because I was being strict and they have never seen me be firm like that before and basically BOTH DADS thought I was being unreasonable! That I should have let two 9 year olds go to a shop at 8 at night, walking through a crowd of drinkers outside the local pub, both in pyjamas, the girl in a vest and pyjama shorts.

I think the dads just wanted a quiet life and to enjoy their sundowners in peace and if they let the kids do whatever they want so be it.

They both think I was too harsh and should chill out on holiday.

Tell me I’m not going crazy mumsnet… would you all let your kids go to a shop in their pyjamas?!

OP posts:
DeLaRuiz · 09/08/2025 13:38

Urgh. Some people have low standards.Dont join in! It doesn’t matter that they have low standards, so long as everyone else doesn’t just throw in the towel and join in, because then everything goes to crap. It’s just about manageable for there to be a small percentage of scruffy don’t cares, but if that were the majority, mental health would absolutely plummet.

AppleSlag · 09/08/2025 13:58

Also, why are you seemingly responsible for getting all the kids bathed and into PJs whilst the dads sip wine in the front garden?

Sidebeforeself · 09/08/2025 14:08

Im with you OP.

So many people are quick to complain about societal problems these days but also want a laid back approach to stuff like this, not understanding that instilling basic rules and values is an essential part of a parents job. Im not saying a trip to the shop in PJs means your son will become an axe murderer, but its the insistence on basic rules that provides people with a foundation so they will instinctively know what is the right way to behave.

Ticktockwatchclock · 09/08/2025 14:19

Stealing and sneaking out aside, I’m interested in why you were dealing with all of the children, getting them all ready for bed? Did it fall to you as the lone female to be in charge and responsible for this or did you volunteer?
Why wasn’t the lone parent father dealing with his children?
I find it so strange that he copes all the other days, but as soon as there is a woman present he abdicates his responsibilities to you, and strange that you accepted that role. Why did your husband not get his children ready for bed?

AppleSlag · 09/08/2025 14:22

@TicktockwatchclockI agree! I was really struck by that. The sole woman doing all the work and the parenting whilst the dads sit by and imply she’s being a fun sponge for asserting some basic rules.

Edited to add: OP is this your brother?

SaratogaFilly · 09/08/2025 18:23

Both of the dads sound like dickheads TBH. They need to step up & parent properly.

WWomble · 09/08/2025 18:53

PJs out in public, not for my children on the grounds of decency and hygiene. Stealing money and sneaking out are far bigger issues though. The Dads are looking for an easy life on holiday. Personally I think there should be consequences for their actions, loss of freedom (such as independent visits to the shop) for example. (I’m not suggesting you can discipline the friend, but would hope the other Dad would follow your lead).

nothingbeats · 09/08/2025 20:16

Meh pjs are clothes.

cunningartificer · 09/08/2025 20:27

You’re right on all counts. And perhaps remind the dads concerned that Holly and Jessica in Soham snuck out from a family barbecue and time was wasted because people didn’t think they would have done that… children that young shouldn’t be going out without your knowledge, and in pyjamas would definitely make a predator think that parents weren’t on the alert.

Octopus45 · 10/08/2025 07:42

A bit off topic buy I took my kids out in their PJs once when they had to come to work with me, I’m a freelance Merchandiser. They were refusing to get dressed, I called their bluff and said ‘right you can go on your PJs. I thought they would rush and get changed. Unfortunately it didn’t have the desired effect, they didn’t care

OutandAboutMum1821 · 10/08/2025 07:45

I agree with you entirely OP, and would have done exactly the same. It does no harm for children to see you being firm and following through- they will all respect you more for it and know you mean what you say. Sorry to hear you weren’t backed up by the other adults.

Createausername1970 · 10/08/2025 07:59

Regarding the PJs, I guess it depends what they look like. My DS had pyjama sets that were obviously pyjamas. But he had other sets that were basically plain shorts and a top and no different to any other shorts and tops.

We used to do a regular long drive, set off at 4 with him in his PJs. Arrive at 10.30, straight to bed. In between there was a stop at services for dinner, so he was in the services in his PJs. In the winter they looked like snuggly long leg pyjamas.

I bought a pj set from M&S and the bottoms were legging style. I have worn them out during the day as they don't look like pyjamas.

But all that aside, stealing money and sneaking off is not acceptable and you dealt with it exactly as I would have done.

healthybychristmas · 10/08/2025 08:03

Why the hell are you doing all the work? Why are you taking any notice of a guy who's drinking and not taking care of his children telling you what you shouldn't and shouldn't do? Those children sound like a bad influence on each other. Sneaking out at night is absolutely outrageous behaviour. Sneaking out in pyjamas after stealing money is really awful. I would've come down so hard on them and on the knobheads who thought it was funny.

Calamitousness · 10/08/2025 08:04

No. Yanbu. No person, child or not should ever be out of their home in pajamas. It’s a strict no. I too would think parents were neglectful.

Glitchymn1 · 10/08/2025 08:07

Not a cats chance in hell would I let DD go to a shop on her own at any time of day. I don’t care how safe and quiet it is- and it clearly isn’t if there’s a pub or bar there with men drinking.

MissyB1 · 10/08/2025 08:09

so not only did these two men leave you to do all the work and the parenting, they then criticised how you did it?! Cheeky fuckers!!

chattyness · 10/08/2025 08:11

YANBU sneaking out without parents at night especially in PJ's is not on. You might feel that it's ok as you're in a small village, but nowhere is really that safe these days.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/08/2025 08:23

I couldn’t get too fussed about the pjs in the face of stealing and sneaking out - the pjs wouldn’t even register.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 10/08/2025 08:25

Createausername1970 · 10/08/2025 07:59

Regarding the PJs, I guess it depends what they look like. My DS had pyjama sets that were obviously pyjamas. But he had other sets that were basically plain shorts and a top and no different to any other shorts and tops.

We used to do a regular long drive, set off at 4 with him in his PJs. Arrive at 10.30, straight to bed. In between there was a stop at services for dinner, so he was in the services in his PJs. In the winter they looked like snuggly long leg pyjamas.

I bought a pj set from M&S and the bottoms were legging style. I have worn them out during the day as they don't look like pyjamas.

But all that aside, stealing money and sneaking off is not acceptable and you dealt with it exactly as I would have done.

Young child (7 or under) are absolutely fine to be in PJs in a service station in the evening. That is very different. They will be with parents and on a one journey when they will be going to sleep.

Walking around a village not on. What is it about being on holiday that makes people forget the basics? I doubt the dads would be ok with this at home on a regular day.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 10/08/2025 08:25

Createausername1970 · 10/08/2025 07:59

Regarding the PJs, I guess it depends what they look like. My DS had pyjama sets that were obviously pyjamas. But he had other sets that were basically plain shorts and a top and no different to any other shorts and tops.

We used to do a regular long drive, set off at 4 with him in his PJs. Arrive at 10.30, straight to bed. In between there was a stop at services for dinner, so he was in the services in his PJs. In the winter they looked like snuggly long leg pyjamas.

I bought a pj set from M&S and the bottoms were legging style. I have worn them out during the day as they don't look like pyjamas.

But all that aside, stealing money and sneaking off is not acceptable and you dealt with it exactly as I would have done.

Grrrrr posted twice.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/08/2025 08:41

Regardless of PJs two DC of those ages stealing money and trying to sneak out should be the focus here. Since he doesn't like your style of parenting don't look after his DDs Op, let him get on with it, you're on holiday too so if you have to parent so does he.

user2848502016 · 10/08/2025 08:46

I wouldn’t be that bothered about the pyjamas but I wouldn’t have let them go to the shop alone at that time of night either - and stealing money from the house was naughty.
I would have said you can go in the morning if you behave tonight!

BendingSpoons · 10/08/2025 08:48

I have let my DD go to the shop in pyjamas. She wears them out the house sometimes e.g. after an evening swimming lesson she will put pyjamas on to go home (in the car) or sometimes she will have a shower at her grandparents house and travel home in her pyjamas. It doesn't therefore seem a big deal to go to the corner shop. This is in trousers and a long sleeve top though, so more covered up than her daytime clothes!

I would be horrified at the idea of them sneaking out though. That's a risk because you would leave them longer without checking on them if you assumed they were in the house.

YelloDaisy · 10/08/2025 08:53

You know you’re right just stick to your guns - what happens the next night when they want a 9pm stroll or the next or the next

NewBlueNoteBook · 10/08/2025 09:02

The PJs are the most minor item on the list!

Stealing- I’d have been seriously angry about He’s old enough to know this is very wrong.

Sneaking out - children don’t always risk asses well. I’d having a long a serious discussion about the hundreds of ways that could have gone very very wrong.

PJs - flat rule of we don’t go outside in our PJs.

I wouldn’t care if your son was grumpy or the girls cried - upset misbehaving children are part of parenting.

You need to get a handle on the stealing right now.

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