I have 3 siblings, and growing up each Christmas or birthday we would do a list of present ideas for each other, in case we needed inspiration. It is obviously not a demand list, but a "these are the things I like, in case you are stuck list".
Often you would receive things both on and off the list - if it was off the list and someone had an idea for you of things you would really like, great! If it was on the list, it was something you'd love and obviously that was great too. There was never an issue with any of this.
Then once I was older, with each boyfriend I've had we did the same and it worked the same. Even extending to boyfriend's families when the relationships were serious enough to buy for other family members.
I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 years and this doesn't exist in his family. As soon as I realised that, it was fine by me - you just do things a different way in your family, and that was fine. However I feel he constantly looks down his nose at my family when we still do this.
As we have grown up, my siblings and I no longer buy presents for each other, but instead buy for the children. Sometimes I have ideas for my niece and don't need ideas, but sometimes I might not know exactly what she is into or would be appropriate and I ask for ideas. The same with me and my little boy - his birthday is coming up and my mum and one sister asked for ideas, which I gathered some links of things I thought he would like and sent them over.
When I mentioned this to my boyfriend, he again was making comments about how weird it is we do this, and he does it in a "I'm better than you" way, because his family don't do it. Also when my mum has just bought something for my son that my boyfriend clearly doesn't like, after a good few snide comments about it, he asked "was that on your list?".
I have never once commented on the way his family give gifts - even though it is different to mine. My family spend more on presents than his family, so I have just toned down the amount that I spend on presents to fit in and not make anyone uncomfortable. Also, he often buys wildly inappropriate things for his family that are just odd - for instance a hedgehog house for his brother who lives in a flat, or a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle for his 4 year old nephew.
He says that it's more thoughtful to give something that you have thought of instead of off a list, which I do get, but if you're buying things like that for your family, or rushing around on Christmas eve grabbing anything that is available, I don't think that is particularly thoughtful either.
It just seems really judgemental and unnecessary to not accept that other families do things differently to yours, and make comments about it continuously over the years.
Do you all make gift lists, and is it so bad??