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My partner is obsessed with cars and it’s killing our relationship

35 replies

GuidersSmitheh · 08/08/2025 23:04

My partner is lovely and perfect in most ways. Loving, attentive, nice gestures, practical support etc. I do love him. But recently he’s had an obsession with cars and it’s driving me nuts. I’m 4 months pregnant and trying to save in preparation for maternity leave and we’re also FTB weeks away from completing on our first home, he is dyslexic and English is his second language so all of the communication with solicitors etc and paperwork has been on me whilst working full-time and being tired from pregnancy.

He’s been driving me nuts because recently he’s been absolutely fucking obsessed with cars. He passed his test in 2022 and had a modest little old Toyota until February 2024 when he treated himself to something nicer, a bit sportier and 5 doors etc. Turns out he’d been sold a dud and it blew up in November, ultimately leaving him £7000 in loss. He was depressed for a few months which I did sort of understand but it was a rough time for me dealing with the moping and he even cancelled coming to Christmas at my parents because he was upset about the car.

January this year he bought himself a modest 2010 Ford Focus, nothing fancy but it does the job. But since then all he fucking talks about is how much he wants a nicer car. When we are driving he will talk the whole time about cars on the road and how he was all these different dream cars. I used to join in and humour him but lately I’ve been snapping as I want to be talking about things that we actually should be focusing on such as the house purchase and baby.

Whenever he has some downtime he is watching car videos on YouTube, watching comparison videos etc. He’s obsessed with the idea that we need an SUV before the baby comes, despite the fact that once the house purchase goes though we’ll have literally no savings except for my maternity leave pot. He sort of gets the practical reasons why we can’t have a new fancy car but then he gets emotional about it and literally mopes around the house sulking. He has started spending £20 a week on online car competitions and is sulking tonight because he entered one and really thought he would win. He was giddy the whole day. He obviously didn’t win and now he’s sat on the sofa in silence watching videos about the car with a face like a slapped arse.

I have had to come upstairs as I just snapped at him and told him I’m sick of hearing about cars. I reached the end of my tether. What makes it worse is I work for a car insurance company, I have tried to explain to him that I talk about cars all day as it is and when I get home I want to discuss something different, but he just laughs and thinks I’m joking. I honestly can’t take it anymore. Yesterday I snapped at him because I was telling him about a difficult client I had at work, I was dealing with their car insurance claim and they weren’t happy with the outcome, and he started mansplaining to me about how that particular brand of car is known for accidents as they have some very sporty models. I cut him off and told him to bloody shut up because I WORK IN CAR INSURANCE and know a bit about bloody cars without him telling me!!!!!

I needed to rant. Am I hormonal or would anyone else be pissed off by this

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 09/08/2025 07:53

You're saving for maternity leave.

He's buying cars and spending £20 a week on car lottery competitions...

Is he saving for maternity leave too?

He sounds unreliable and tedious. If you must buy a house with him I hope the legal side is sorted.

OldLondonDad · 09/08/2025 08:00

I like cars, it doesn’t sound all that different to me and a lot of other men who like cars, except I mostly keep it to myself and watch the YouTube videos late at night or when I’m on the exercise bike etc.

If English is his second language then I assume he’s from another country. Perhaps a poorer country where having a nice car means more than it does here in terms of wealth, success etc. Yes it sounds like it’s a dream- which he feels on the verge of achieving.

As for the SUV- I also went down a rabbit hole of what car do we need to get as soon as I found out my wife was pregnant the first time. It did become somewhat of an obsession, because it was all about using our money effectively to have what we needed to be practical and keep our lives easy. Nothing wrong with that.

I think you have to allow him his interest, but get him to understand you really don’t want to hear about it as much.

Littleredgoat · 09/08/2025 08:02

How old is he?

It sounds to me like baby and house coming at once have made him realise he's suddenly an adult and he is retreating back into teenage boy mode. It sounds deeply unattractive.

I would write some notes out, and sit down with him and tell him how you feel. It isn't a discussion where he gets to explain or invalid what you have said:

The obsession with cars bores you. You think about cars all day for work, you don't need it in down time too.
The cars are making him check out from day to day life, leaving you carrying all of that by yourself
He is frittering money at an important time
He is sulking and taking it out on you when things don't go right

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 10:51

Spending that money on competitions etc is ridiculous. Does he realise what the odds are of winning? I not get financially tied to this man.

LakieLady · 09/08/2025 11:03

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 07:37

'A certain standard of provision' for the family? I wonder where that idea comes from... car manufacturers and advertisements perhaps?

I have two nieces that have had babies in the last year.

Both of them changed cars because "You need an SUV when you have a baby". I have no idea where they got this notion, and neither of their partners are especially interested in cars.

I'll have to ask them.

wizzywig · 09/08/2025 11:06

Please don't name your child Porsche, Mercedes, sharan.

Juststop2025 · 09/08/2025 11:07

GuidersSmitheh · 08/08/2025 23:10

Having read back my post I might sound a bit of a lunatic but I’m honestly resenting him for this.

I work from home some days and I came out from my office, where I’d been talking about cars all day long, only to go downstairs and he’s watching a video about cars

Edited

No, but he does. I mean he really does sound quite mental.

topcat2014 · 09/08/2025 11:10

I would be depressed about losing 7k..

Remember when you do get another car they need regular servicing. I'm guessing the cam belt snapped as that is the main reason cars "blow up" beyond repair.

Has the car gone now? Could you not put another engine in it?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/08/2025 11:30

GuidersSmitheh · 09/08/2025 02:14

We just had a huge bust-up tbh. Went for a late night cinema viewing, movie I’ve been wanting to see for a while. Thought we were going to have a nice date night. He kept making comments during the movie about how shit it was and was on his phone looking at cars!!!!

im so glad he’s on night shift for a few nights from tomorrow. He’s giving me the fucking rage tbh

I'd leave anyone who sat on their phone in the cinema for that alone. Shows they don't give a shit about anyone else at all.

Smallgnomethingy · 09/08/2025 11:36

My DH is obsessed with cars. Watching videos on them is what people who like them do. It’s a lifelong interest for him. If he talks to me about them I smile and nod, just like he does when I talk about something that for him is boring. The money thing would be more of a concern for me. My DH’s interest has never affected me financially.

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