I’m in an all female friendship group of three, mid 30’s and friends since school. The other two have become much closer friends, but I am still close to one of them. I would like to remain close to her because she is a good friend individually, having been there for each other through tough times and we do speak to each other regularly with lots in common.
I have recently decided I’m flogging a dead horse by trying to continue the 3 person friendship. Various things have happened such as them both being open they meet up without me for dinners, even been on a spa trip and weekend break together. They don’t seem to have any awareness that this exclusion always stings. There is minimal chat in our WhatsApp group but they talk privately. On the rare occasion when we do meet up as a three (which I will always organise) they seem to know everything going on in each others lives, there is no depth to the conversation and the chat is just about other people who I don’t know, so I find myself really withdrawn during the meet up and come away feeling sad and emotionally exhausted. It’s been this dynamic for years, with me feeling like I’m getting increasingly excluded, a third wheel and I’ve finally gotten fed up and a bit embarrassed for myself.
So AIBU to seek closure for myself by mentioning to the friend I would like to stay close to that I think the group dynamic has changed and we no longer work as a three but I’d like like to stay friends with her? Or would that just make it awkward so is it better to not say anything and just accept it has fizzled out and move on?
I don’t really want to talk to the other friend about it as they have quite a confrontational approach to conversations. I accept we’re now different people with different lives and priorities and really do wish her the best.