Advice on relationship

[Gj41]

My partner and I had a massive row and it was infront of our son, I feel terrible my partner got angry threw his mug, he has been out of work so short of money and unhappy although he has a job now, I was out of work last year but working now, things have been tough money has been tight, we haven't had a family holiday for 4 years I managed to book a little break a while ago for us but it has been unappreciated, i get moaned at constantly I'm trying to make life better, my partner is just moaning all the time, he wants to sell our house I don't know what to do, he thinks I don't appreciate what he does but honestly he just works and doesn't help around the house, we don't do things together anymore I just feel so upset and don't know what to do for the best.

Well firstly this bit is not OK-

My partner and I had a massive row and it was infront of our son, I feel terrible my partner got angry threw his mug

This should be two red lines crossed for both of you and I thibk you both need to agree that this is a never event for you both.

Finances are always going to cause arguments when you are struggling, its stressful. It doesn't sound like either of you are particularly happy and maybe you need an honest conversation with each other about what needs to change so you are both happier for yourselves and your child; whether that is together or not.

What exactly are you arguing about?

Throwing stuff is a huge red flag especially in front of your child

Money mostly and we've not been intimate for a while, my partner feels unappreciated i feel unnoticed all the mental load and keeping the house isn't enough for him he feels like he's drowning in outgoings from the house

It upset me so much my son was so upset by it

I don't know how to make it right I don't want my son to feel scared

Is there anyone who could maybe watch your son whilst the two of you go somewhere neutral, maybe for a coffee or something where you can talk through everything? You will both have to be prepared to listen though-you both have valid perceptions of the situation, just because you/they disagree doesn't mean it isn't real for the person. What could your partner do to make you feel seen? What could you do to make them feel appreciated? Etc

Is the financial situation that bad or is it temporary following being out of work? If there are debts, would it be worth getting some debt advice? Stepchange or Payplan are both free services.

The intimacy is bound to flounder when there are other issues-I'd focus on the other issues first.

Thank you that's good advice I will suggest we go out and talk although I'm worried it will just be another argument, it's just a very high mortgage and outgoings each month there doesn't seem to be anyway out we're upto date with bills and mortgage just credit cards and no spare money every month it just feels like we're existing not living but I know there's alot of people in the same situation

I completely understand and have been in a similar financial situation myself, it feels never ending at times. If you are both wanting to work on it, it will get better. It will depend on how that conversation goes I guess.

I hope you are OK though, you sound upset, hope you have someone you can speak to irl as well x

I don't really have anyone to speak to but I'll be ok just worried I've upset my son aswell I honestly don't know how the conversation will go but I appreciate your advice