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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On family holiday found out partner has been cheating

16 replies

TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 06:59

As title says, away with 3dc and partner. Am 5 months pregnant with his baby. He is not the father of my older dc but has a good relationship with them. They range from
8-13 years old.

Found a notification from a dating app pop
up on his phone last night while he was asleep. Have had suspicions for a while and he recently went on a night out and then a lads trip away where I think something happened. He’s been secretive with his phone and just generally been off with me.

Im numb. Don’t really know how to feel. We leave tomorrow. In the UK and it’s a 5 hour drive back. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through today. Dc looking forward to
a beach day and I’ve barely slept all night. Feel sick to my stomach and right now I’m resisting the urge to pack and leave with dc while he’s still asleep. I’ve had a difficult pregnancy with complications and I am trying my best to remain calm and not stress but I can’t breathe

OP posts:
BlueJuniper94 · 08/08/2025 07:01

I'm so sorry, better posters than me will be along to support but I just wanted to send you some strength. What a poor excuse of a man

Agix · 08/08/2025 07:05

Could it be possible that it's a old app on his phone that he still has installed and just sends him notifications? And that he's not actually using it.

Not defending him for any reason, just trying to give possibilities so you don't automatically flip your shit. You might need to find out more about this before reacting.

Of course if he is being a scumbag, he'll probably be a liar too, so just be careful either way. Ask to see the app perhaps, to see if there's any recent activity?

Original poster
TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 07:06

BlueJuniper94 · 08/08/2025 07:01

I'm so sorry, better posters than me will be along to support but I just wanted to send you some strength. What a poor excuse of a man

Thank you. Tbh I’m not even sure what I want right now. I just knew that posting on here would give me at least a little strength at a time where I really don’t have any of my own

OP posts:
NewDogOwner · 08/08/2025 07:07

Shit. Claim (rightly) you feel unwell today and hand over all responsibilties to him and try to get your head straight. Did you / could you save any proof?

Original poster
TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 07:08

Agix · 08/08/2025 07:05

Could it be possible that it's a old app on his phone that he still has installed and just sends him notifications? And that he's not actually using it.

Not defending him for any reason, just trying to give possibilities so you don't automatically flip your shit. You might need to find out more about this before reacting.

Of course if he is being a scumbag, he'll probably be a liar too, so just be careful either way. Ask to see the app perhaps, to see if there's any recent activity?

It’s possible but I doubt it. I’ve had that feeling that something was off for a while now. I confronted him a few weeks back but he told me it’s just my hormones and I’m being paranoid. There’s a lot of little things that just aren’t adding up.

OP posts:
Speakingofdinosaurs · 08/08/2025 07:10

I’m so sorry this is happening to you!
All I can say is keep a chant going through your head… “think of the kids, think of the kids, it’s the last day, just get through the day”
perhaps say you’ve got a really bad headache (which you probably have) to explain your mood so you don’t have to engage with him, just go quiet.
It doesn’t matter if he thinks you possibly know, he’ll be feeling guilty anyway as he’s a cheating scum bag.
Just don’t engage with that today at all.
Think of the kids today, they don’t deserve to have their last day ruined. Just play with them on the beach, or doze a bit.

Simplestars · 08/08/2025 07:10

Stay the holiday for kids sake and when u return finish with him.

Mumofsoontobe3 · 08/08/2025 07:13

I'm so sorry OP. As someone who was cheated on whilst pregnant, please just care for yourself and your children. Ask him to leave when you get home and ask for some space. You need it. You don't need to see him or confront him right now. Sending love. X

Chocja · 08/08/2025 07:26

I would echo that you don’t need to say anything until you are ready.

I agree it would be better to delay that until you are at home and illness is the easiest way to explain your mood.

It doesn’t sound an easy holiday to get back from on your own, so I would avoid that, can you let him take the dc to the beach and stay behind to rest? What are your living arrangements?

You must take as long as you need before letting him know you know. Will you be ok financially if you split?

Original poster
TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 07:41

Thank you so much ladies. Just reading the comments is helping me massively. I feel very sad at the moment and I’m trying to calm myself down and not react with my initial thought which would not have been beneficial to anyone

OP posts:
merrymelody · 08/08/2025 07:42

I’m so sorry, OP! What an appalling situation. Take some time to recover from the shock, no need for immediate confrontation. Once you’re calmer, plan and strategize!

Original poster
TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 07:58

merrymelody · 08/08/2025 07:42

I’m so sorry, OP! What an appalling situation. Take some time to recover from the shock, no need for immediate confrontation. Once you’re calmer, plan and strategize!

Thank you. I think I am in shock

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTaimor · 08/08/2025 08:00

Even though you have suspicions it just hits you when you are confronted with the facts. It’s like I wanted to know, but also I really didn’t

OP posts:
Liondoesntsleepatnight · 08/08/2025 08:03

Can you tell us more about the notification? Talking it through might help with the shock?

Lemonadeat8 · 08/08/2025 08:05

Agix · 08/08/2025 07:05

Could it be possible that it's a old app on his phone that he still has installed and just sends him notifications? And that he's not actually using it.

Not defending him for any reason, just trying to give possibilities so you don't automatically flip your shit. You might need to find out more about this before reacting.

Of course if he is being a scumbag, he'll probably be a liar too, so just be careful either way. Ask to see the app perhaps, to see if there's any recent activity?

Of course it won’t be.

Send him to the beach, pack up and leave asap.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 08/08/2025 08:10

How long have you been together?

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