Page 2 | getting cousins to get along

908080nf · 2025-08-07T12:20:12+00:00

My brother and I have one Ds each with a five year gap. I was really please when DB had his kid who is now two and a half. Unfortunately, Ds seems totally disinterested in his little cousin to the point of mostly ignoring him when they come over. Now granted a seven year old might not be that interested in a two year old, but it upsets me and the rest of my family. Has any one else had something similar in their family, what has worked to make them closer?

x2boys · 07/08/2025 14:14

908080nf · 07/08/2025 14:04

To answer a few question. Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over. in terms of expectations, my brother and I have a similar age gap and I was definitely expected to entertain him and his friends when they were little. The adults did their own thing, the kids entertained themselves. There is certainly an assumption in the family that Ds does the same.

Well that's very unfair on your son and he might grow to resentt his cousin if you try and force ,it
Left on their own you might find a relationship develops naturally.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 07/08/2025 14:17

Would you expect him to be pally with a 2 year old he wasn't related to?

Luxembourgmama · 07/08/2025 14:25

Thats a hugely unreasonable expectation from your family. He'll grow to resent his cousin. I was forced to play with cousins growing up and thats why now my kids don't really have contact with their cousins.

Complet · 07/08/2025 14:27

Your poor son. It seems your family members don’t want to take any interest in your child or your brother’s either if they’re just expecting them to entertain each other whilst the adults talk to each other. This doesn’t sound like a healthy family dynamic. It’s not your son’s responsibility to be a babysitter. The adults need to step up and take some responsibility and interest in their own families.

bigageap · 07/08/2025 14:29

908080nf · 07/08/2025 14:04

To answer a few question. Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over. in terms of expectations, my brother and I have a similar age gap and I was definitely expected to entertain him and his friends when they were little. The adults did their own thing, the kids entertained themselves. There is certainly an assumption in the family that Ds does the same.

Your poor son.
so basically he can look after the kid and you adults can crack on being lazy fuckers!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/08/2025 14:30

908080nf · 07/08/2025 14:04

To answer a few question. Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over. in terms of expectations, my brother and I have a similar age gap and I was definitely expected to entertain him and his friends when they were little. The adults did their own thing, the kids entertained themselves. There is certainly an assumption in the family that Ds does the same.

It's not your DS's job to entertain your brother's toddler. You need to get that notion out of your head.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/08/2025 14:31

908080nf · 07/08/2025 14:04

To answer a few question. Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over. in terms of expectations, my brother and I have a similar age gap and I was definitely expected to entertain him and his friends when they were little. The adults did their own thing, the kids entertained themselves. There is certainly an assumption in the family that Ds does the same.

Then advocate for your child and CHALLENGE that assumption. It's completely unreasonable to call a 7 year old "rude" because he isn't interested in a 2 year old.

user9064385631 · 07/08/2025 14:35

My Sil is 5 or 6 years older than my DH and various cousins, she’s not far off 60 now and still seethes at Christmas time about how as a child she was always shoved on the kids table and had to look after the young ones!
Don’t allow your DS to be rude, but it’s not his place to entertain the baby while the adults chat. It’s not the 1960’s anymore!

MsJen · 07/08/2025 16:15

908080nf · 07/08/2025 14:04

To answer a few question. Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over. in terms of expectations, my brother and I have a similar age gap and I was definitely expected to entertain him and his friends when they were little. The adults did their own thing, the kids entertained themselves. There is certainly an assumption in the family that Ds does the same.

Well stand up for your son then. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing much to advocate for him. He’s 7. Don’t let your family suggest he is being rude or assume he’s there to entertain the 2 year old.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 07/08/2025 16:26

I think it depends on what you perceive as being rude. Ignoring someone or not responding when being directly spoken to is rude and you should address his behaviour. Him being plonked in a room with someone and not being interested in their company is not rude. Sounds a bit more like the adults need to adjust their expectations.

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 16:37

I think that you need to protect da and shut down the expectation that he’s babysitter and entertainment. If he enjoys chatting to the adults then it sounds like he’s benefitting from the meet ups and when his cousin is ready, he may join in for a natter too.
Your brother isn’t unreasonable to want a break but not at Ds’ expense.

Dontcallmescarface · 07/08/2025 16:39

If the adults want someone to entertain the 2.5 year old then they either hire a clown or do it themselves, it's not the job of a 7year old.

WorkingMum1391 · 07/08/2025 16:42

I was one of those kids that was forced to play and hang out with my cousin was I was younger. I really don't like her. She has a personality disorder (diagnosed) and an anxiety disorder, which to be fair, isnt her fault but it makes her incredibly hard work to be around and she was violent and manipulative as a child.
My aunt would insist to my mum that we were to hang out at every opportunity which I dreaded. It really spoiled things like holidays and Christmas's for me as a child.
Please don't do that to your son!

Lovelynames123 · 07/08/2025 16:43

Totally normal, my cousins are 6, 8 and 14 years younger than me, I'm actually closest to the younger one!

My dd and dn are only 3 months apart and great friends, but dd1 is 2 years older than dn and not as close - 5 years is a massive gap when little!

RafaistheKingofClay · 07/08/2025 16:43

I think that sort of keeping entertained works better when there are more kids tbh. You either need kids with similar age/interests that the younger ones can sometimes (not always) tag along with and the older ones can keep an eye on or for the younger kids to be engaged in an activity which an older one might be happy to ‘act down’ and join in with.

A 5 year age gap at 2 and 7 for just 2 kids is huge and needs adults to plan and try and find that rare activity that will interest both.

ginasevern · 07/08/2025 17:46

@908080nf "Ds isnt overly rude but he basically just ignores his cousin. He either reads or talks to the adults when they come over."

No shit. Poor kid. On what planet does any 7 year old want to play with a 2 year old! I mean, words actually fail me. I suggest you all stop "doing your own thing" and appropriately manage your kids.

outerspacepotato · 07/08/2025 17:52

Just because you were expected to entertain a much younger sibling doesn't mean you have to have the same expectations of your son and your brother's kid.

It's an unreasonable expectation. The age gap is huge. A 7 year old has no interest in a 2 year old.

Stop forcing things between them.

Or is it that your son is supposed to be entertaining and minding your bro's son? If so, again, unreasonable. He's 7, definitely too young to be a child minder. That's wild that your family expects that.