Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband's sleeping issues

8 replies

objectivebread · 07/08/2025 06:57

My husband has chronic obstructive sleep apnea, he has a CPAP that he wears diligently every night but he also has insomnia mostly from working nightshirts years prior that messed his circadian rthyum up. He doesn't eat right due to ARFID, which in turn doesn't help the insomnia. I've told him hundreds of times over the past 2 years, you need to seek professional guidance from a healthcare professional, over either the sleep apnea mask not being correct fitting, the disordered eating which doesn't allow for proper nutrition as he just lives off chicken sandwiches with marmite, peanut butter, crisps and pizza... and I told him to talk to the GP about sleep help. He shuts me down even though he can barely function, complains endlessly all day everyday about how terribly he slept. On top of all of this we have a 2 year old, whos sleep is actually decent! Little man sleeps through and when he doesn't I go get him back to sleep, but yeah.

My husband is 31, for context and we have been together for 14 yrs, the sleep apnea was first detected 1 year after our son was born. DH works fine from home, he does need to nap though in mid afternoon and sometimes he misses out on social stuff at the weekend because he is so low energy

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 07/08/2025 07:03

He obviously doesn’t want to do anything about it, and enjoys the moaning. It’s up to you what you do about your situation.

Meadowfinch · 07/08/2025 07:12

He needs to change his way of life if he wants to improve.

Work with you to improve his diet, increase his levels of exercise to gain fitness and energy, spend more time outside and gradually his sleep pattern will improve. Does he also need to lose weight?

But he doesn't want to, or can't be bothered, or is frightened or too set in his ways and obstinate. Something needs to happen to get through to him that the only person who can permanently fix this is him.

objectivebread · 07/08/2025 08:52

Meadowfinch · 07/08/2025 07:12

He needs to change his way of life if he wants to improve.

Work with you to improve his diet, increase his levels of exercise to gain fitness and energy, spend more time outside and gradually his sleep pattern will improve. Does he also need to lose weight?

But he doesn't want to, or can't be bothered, or is frightened or too set in his ways and obstinate. Something needs to happen to get through to him that the only person who can permanently fix this is him.

I agree, yes he needs to lose over 7 stone to be healthy at this stage. He struggles a lot with motivation and keeping on track with fitness due to the eating disorder 😕 I believe you are 100% correct tho

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 07/08/2025 08:58

Does he acknowledge the impact all of this has on you? And the impact it will be having on your child? He has a responsibility to get help and start to address these issues, a responsibility not just to himself but to his wife and child. Put it that bluntly to him.

Agix · 07/08/2025 09:02

He can still eat within a calorie limit with ARFID.

But it's beside the point. He doesn't want to change. Nothing you can do really, if he's not responsive to a sit down talk.

He'll be relying on you for personal care as he ages and the health conditions get worse . Hopefully you're up to it.

PigletSanders · 07/08/2025 13:02

objectivebread · 07/08/2025 08:52

I agree, yes he needs to lose over 7 stone to be healthy at this stage. He struggles a lot with motivation and keeping on track with fitness due to the eating disorder 😕 I believe you are 100% correct tho

Absolutely gobsmacked at the state he’s in at such a young age.

Weightloss and professional help are what he needs. Urgently. And if he just wants to carry on moaning and taking no action, you know what you need to do.

OneWiseBlueSheep · 07/08/2025 15:23

Agix · 07/08/2025 09:02

He can still eat within a calorie limit with ARFID.

But it's beside the point. He doesn't want to change. Nothing you can do really, if he's not responsive to a sit down talk.

He'll be relying on you for personal care as he ages and the health conditions get worse . Hopefully you're up to it.

We've had so many convos about it, he flip flops daily between going on a rant he's gonna go the gym everyday, then the next day he can't manage it, or the end of the working day rolls round and I don't even remind him anymore, if he wants to lose weight he would.. at this point. Yeah solid point on the personal care, I've always presumed he'd get back down to 11 stone and be ok but he's been quite large for a few years now :/

OneWiseBlueSheep · 07/08/2025 15:24

Agix · 07/08/2025 09:02

He can still eat within a calorie limit with ARFID.

But it's beside the point. He doesn't want to change. Nothing you can do really, if he's not responsive to a sit down talk.

He'll be relying on you for personal care as he ages and the health conditions get worse . Hopefully you're up to it.

On that, I myself am not overweight but I've got spinal issues and I'm riddled with arthritis, I'm not allowed to lift weights, I have to be super careful because of my hypermobility issues, so me doing any care would be out of the question :/

New posts on this thread. Refresh page