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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Annoyed about senior colleague’s comment, AIBU?

3 replies

Practicewhatipreach8 · 07/08/2025 00:25

Hi
I work in a mental health setting, as part of a multi disciplinary team (MDT: therapists, psychiatrists, nurses, assistant psychologists etc). Recently, in a joint appointment (me/senior-psychotherapist/female, and my colleague/psychiatrist/male) we saw a 13yo patient (girl) urgently who had been just discharged from hospital having been very unstable (DV trauma, EUPD, autism, to name a few of her diagnoses), with her dad. I was told by the psychiatrist where to sit, not to say anything. And so, as I sat and listened to the psychiatrist doing all talking, towards the end of the appointment, he turned to patient and said ‘if your therapist doesn’t listen to you, tell me and I’ll give her a slap!’, to which we all nervously half-laughed, and I added ‘he means he’ll tell me off’, which intended as a recovery on my part, also felt demeaning. I don’t think this is professional conduct, there’s being informal and funny, but not these words - and not in this context.

This is bothering me. I don’t like to rock the boat, but I’m not the only one who feels there is a power differential, this particular psychiatrist seems to say jabby things to a lot of the team and he is constantly putting ‘less senior’ colleagues through the mill during meetings, some of us feel undermined, incompetent and subdued when he’s done talking, to the extent that in mdt meetings the rest of the team (bar the psychiatrist, team manager, clinical lead) feel intimidated and usually stay silent while this psychiatrist lectures, dismissing other’s views. He often makes references to analogies such as ‘the general needs loyalty from his soldiers’. As I see it, I work in a team not in a regiment! The senior team seem to pander to him, I guess he has a large caseload of people who are medicated.

I’m sitting with this annoyance, aibu? Happy for your thoughts…

OP posts:
Blindsidedandconfused · 07/08/2025 00:28

NOT the point of post but why on earth has a neurodivergent minor been diagnosed with EUPD! Should never formally be diagnosed in ANYONE under 18!

Blindsidedandconfused · 07/08/2025 00:29

The issue with the psychiatrist absolutely needs to be addressed through official channels as it’s not something anyone should be subjected to. Also completely undermines your therapeutic relationship with the client

HollyBookBlue · 07/08/2025 08:33

You need to raise this both with your team lead and with your clinical lead in your supervision. Be prepared to make a formal complaint.

There are 3 problems which need addressing.

  1. His behaviour towards you, a fellow colleague: His sexism/inappropriately taking authority/undermining you/demeaning you
  1. The harm he caused to your therapeutic relationship with the child. He's undermined the success of the therapy before you've begun. Now when you make an interpretation she doesn't like, she knows she can go to 'daddy' to get you 'punished'.
  1. The inappropriate nature of talking about physical punishment with a child. Does she have a dv history?

How is your management team? How is your union?

Are you still in analysis yourself? You also need to work through your own response to his behaviour. You were passive in the moment he told you how to behave. Why was that? You softened the comment about the slap, but didn't directly object. Why not?

Edited to add, consider talking to the head of patient safety and safeguard lead

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