To not want to move in together yet?

[MagicCookies96]

I have been with my partner for just over a year. He has his own flat that he rents, but often stays at mine (I have a dog in a house whereas he has no outside garden space and his flat is tiny).

His rent has increased, and he has had new neighbours move in that are an absolute nightmare (loud all times of the day and night, etc), so has decided to move out. Since he has been staying here quite a bit anyway, he has been hinting about potentially moving in together when his contract comes to an end in a few months time.

I am really hesitant and don’t really want to at this moment in time;

The main one being his work shift patterns. I currently don’t work due to ongoing health issues and probably won’t be for the foreseeable future, luckily I have money to fall back on and can afford to do this for now. One of his shift patterns is absolutely fine, it’s the other 2 that he does in rotation that sometimes causes issues - early and night. Early shifts, he wakes up around 3am and it often accidentally wakes me up and then I really struggle to go back off to sleep. Night shifts, he sleeps all day and then I don’t have access to my bedroom when I need it. For example, if I’m having a bad day health wise, sometimes I literally have to spend all day in bed resting and that’s hard to do without disturbing him.

Another reason is, I just feel it’s too soon and our relationship will quickly become mundane and it’ll turn into responsibilities and who is doing what and who is paying for what bill, and I feel like a year into dating that things should still feel exciting and a little time apart here and there to miss each other is a good thing rather than being under each others feet all the time (he has quite a lot of time off work due to his shift patterns and won’t go off and do his own thing on those days).

AIBU for saying no to living together for now and keeping our households separate?

Say no. And read the replies on the other thread about this tonight. Do what’s right for you.

His lifestyle doesn't work for you. Just tell him straight you don't want to live together at this moment in time.

It’s not your role to accommodate him because it’s easier for him Stick to your guns.

Ask him if he’s starting looking at new rentals yet and tell him you’ll keep an eye out. But that’s it. How he reacts will tell you a lot. I’d reconsider the relationship if there’s any push back or sulking

You are DEFINITELY NOT being unreasonable OP. I do tend to think that when a man only has a small flat, and his partner has a house, that there does tend to be the possibility of him becoming a cocklodger, especially when suddenly nothing is right with the flat - in this case, the rent has gone up, and the neighbours are a nightmare. If you weren't around, he'd either stay where he is, or would move somewhere else, so don't make him your problem, until you're absolutely sure that you want him moving in. Let him find somewhere else, if he doesn't, then I believe he's a cocklodger in the making, and you've saved yourself some headaches. If he says OK when you say you're not ready for him to move in, and finds somewhere else to live, then I think the relationship is more likely to last.

No, yanbu, and if he pressures you then that would be a big red flag.