Changing mind about TTC

[WorkerBee1425]

We’ve been TTC for 5 months. I’ve worked alongside studying for the past 6 years and we agreed towards the end of my studying we would TTC.

Well I finished studying last month and suddenly I just really want a few months without TTC. Not in relation to the pressure, more because I really don’t want to be pregnant right now. I’ve probably worked 60+ hours a week studying and working- and I’d just like to enjoy ‘just working’ without taking on something else.

DH is quite upset and says we need to crack on (I’m over 30). Will a few months really make a difference or am I risking it, especially with us being unsuccessful so far? Is this normal to start TTC and then change my mind?

It really depends how far “over 30” you are and how many months you are talking
I had to do a lot of IVF to conceive over 30 (36/37) and yes I saw a decline in fertility over the space of 12-18 months

Are you early, mid or late 30s ? Is it just that you don't want to be pregnant or is it anything else?

As others have said, both of your ages are relevant here. If you’re both 31 then a few months off isn’t a huge issue, if you’re both 35+ then I wouldn’t waste any time.

I would crack on. It's already been 5 months of TTC. If I'm remembering correctly, 80% of couples have conceived by 6 months of unprotected sex so that would indicate a need to focus on conceiving now.

I’m early 30s! I definitely want children, but I do think there’s also an emotional element. Last month I was two weeks late (I’m never late) and even thought the tests were BFN, I really thought I was. I felt like I needed a break from that awful TWW window this month- although I know that’s completely counterproductive in our aim!

I think this statistic is playing a role…I feel like it should have happened already and maybe there’s a bigger fertility journey ahead of me.

If you think you have potential fertility problems ahead then stopping now is going to prevent you being able to say “we have tried for a year” because if you stop you go back to square one.

Do you think it’s doubts about wanting a baby?

I think I’m nervous about having a baby and everyone spends their whole lives telling you how hard it is! I’m in a good place in my career, I’ve just got a bit of time back and I don’t want to a) go back to being tired and stressed immediately and b) have to start down the road of fertility tests etc. maybe I’m burying my head a little!

Of course have a break, I don't understand these comments. Enjoy your time off! You've loads of time to try 😊

I don't understand these comments either.

Take a couple of months to collect your thoughts, recover from the intense study/work life and enjoy some relaxing, intimate time with your husband. A couple of months really won't make any difference (unless you're planning to do consume serious amounts of drugs and alcohol for that time?!?). Clear your head. You'll be in. Abetter space to conceive.

(and I say that as someone who couldn't conceive naturally and had 2 babies with IVF!)

The 80% statistic is after a whole year of trying, not six months ( see this nhs link) so I wouldn’t read too much into not being pregnant after only five months. A few months won’t make a difference in your early thirties. Congrats on finishing your studies!

I don't think the GP has cameras set up to check! 12 months of trying is reasonable to seek help, they don't need to be consecutive.

I think there is never the best time to have a baby. I think you need to think overall of the plan you and DH made and if having children are not part of that picture anymore for you, you need to be honest with him.

There is a scene in the tv series “A Teacher” and the husband says he wants to start a family with his wife (she has some medical issues). The woman replies, “I just started at the school I don’t want to be pumped full of hormones.”

Later in the show it is clear that she never intended to have a baby with the husband and she just found reasons to delay, holding both their lives back. Just noting it can be the case sometimes.

Anyway, good luck and congrats on finishing study!

Enjoy your time back.

Pause now and enjoy being a couple, no studying, no exams.

TTC can wait. If it turns out you have fertility issues you'll deal with that when you do. What's another 12 months to be ready?

I was a similar age when we were TTC for our first. It took us about 18 months. I was 34 when DC was born. Second was born when I was 37.

The most important thing is that YOU are ready for this baby.