Checking child’s phone

[Takingthemic]

My DC always had a phone on the provision I could monitor it, know password at all times etc. I don’t check it often but do spot check every now and then.

Ex husband is now saying he doesn’t support and that I’m totally invading DC privacy. He has told the kids this. Says I need to trust them.

It’s not that I don’t trust them, but at 12, one of them is still a child and I feel I need to protect and educate from potential risks.

YABU - Stop checking
YANBU - Its fair to check your child’s phone

Incidentally, we more parallel parent than co-parent and have a poor relationship.

Google FamilyLink is good, you can block specific websites and apps. DC has to ask permission (needs to enter a code sent to your phone) before downloading apps. You can check their location (or at least the location of their phone). You just need to tell them not to log out of Google on their phone. DD did that accidentally once so we had words and she's not done it since (I regularly check her location when I know she's at home just to check she's not logged out). It's not perfect but DD isn't a techie wizard so I think it unlikely she's found a way round the restrictions.

As for a PP saying kids could have a burner phone for illegal activity, yes that's true, but would be accompanied by other changes in behaviour I keep an eye out for. Also, I use FamilyLink to minimise the risks (I can control this phone, if she starts using another one we have a whole new set of problems but I do what I can to keep her safe).

What hidden monitoring apps are there? I’m also looking for my DD

I check my 11 year olds phone, it has to be left downstairs at night so we check it maybe 1-2 times per week

if he was being bullied / being a bully or searching worrying content I need to capture it early

absolutely nothing wrong with this at all - tell him to watch adolescence and he’ll soon change his mind!!

I'm horrified your 12 yo has a phone, why? And more horrified you'd question checking it. It's a 12yo ffs! Remember being 12? That's still so very young

Pretty standard to have phones at secondary school, it’s the norm.

i do use family link so it is restricted - shuts down at night, time limits, needs permission to download apps etc - but it was the checking of personal messages I was querying.

I think you are doing fine with the 12 year old.

You are doing a great job. I work in schools and I wish all other parents did this - it would save so much damage and trauma. It is hard work though, and lots of parents simply don't bother

The personal messages are likely to be the worst. Have you been living under a rock?

No, if you read my thread you will see this is what I have been doing. My ex husband though is saying it is unacceptable and an invasion of her privacy. It would appear to be him living under a rock.

My child was groomed on the messages on thier phone (we did do random checks but still missed it) so your ex is wrong.

Not only do you need to continue with the check, you need to make sure your child has the tools to deal with the main risks. spot them / how to report etc. This is the bit we got right and ny son went to the pastoral lead because of things we had discused and learned in school.

The nspcc has lots of advice. I think you can phone them for more specific advice.

People are horrified at a 12 YO having a phone? Really? It’s totally typical at that age, often younger too.

It’s important to most kids to be like their peers and fit in. I’m not sure the answer to the (very real and terrible) dangers of phones is to just stop them having one altogether when all of their pals have them. Hard socially, for kids at that age, I bet, especially when they’re missing out on group chats with friends, social plans etc.

Loads

MMGuardian for Android.

Famisafe

NortonFamily

Bark

Qustodio

Get your child a phone, install monitoring app on both yours and your child's handset. Set up what you want to track, it can be anything from real-time screen viewing (so you can literally see exactly what your child is looking at in real time) of just location, whatever.

Then off you go.

Most don't show up on the target device, so unless your child is particularly tech savvy, they won't know their phone is being monitored.

Please please keep checking phones. My cousin has had a nightmare at the moment with her son being groomed online through the Xbox or playstation chat feature, which escalated to Snapchat on this phone. He thought it was a girl his own age. His mum wasn't checking his phone and is now in the midst of a social services/police/school nightmare. According to the police this is becoming more and more common and they really struggle to stop it.