Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Coercive Control Or Something Else?

16 replies

TheStinkyPrincess · 06/08/2025 02:29

For a very long time now my husband has made me feel very ill.

He always has to have his own way. I never got a say in the first house he bought and the second.

When we got married a friend of his walked me down the aisle he doesnt like my dad my parents and brother didnt come because they werent invited.

He drinks every night at a pub i get no say. He is a lot older than me.

When my gran was dying i was meant to spend a night with her my family were taking it in turns but he didnt want me to do it has it would upset his routine my family thought it was my fault and were very upset.

When my mum died less than three years later he didnt even try to offer me comfort.

He has been married before two grown children.

He made family planning with me on his terms too dangling on a string i didnt have any.

Recently he has turned physical striking me with a plastic sex toy i had bruising on my eyelid.

I mentioned divorce he said he will put our property into one of his family members names to look like they own it and he has been paying them rent so i cant claim.
I rarely go out havent worked in ages i just cant pick myself up. He comes in late every night so i couldnt get up very early.

I dont like him any sexual attraction went years ago.

Im scared i dont want to be homeless.

I havent been out socialising for 9 years . Last time was new years eve 2013 he dragged me out of the pub when i asked him how long the taxi would be made me walk home two miles in heeled shoes.

Last boxing day i was ill forced me to go to a meal at a bar with his ex and his children and their partners.
I barely see my dad and brother.
Now he is saying he wants to sell up and move near his daughter it is 12 miles from where we live now i cannot drive i have narcolepsy i already live 4 miles from my family and that feels far i dont want to carry on living.

OP posts:
Kinneddar · 06/08/2025 02:37

What exactly are you getting out of this marriage to such a Prince of a man

Katflapkit · 06/08/2025 02:39

You are being abused in every single way, emotionally, financially and physically. Please contact a local women's shelter that can help get out of this awful situation.

Are you still in contact with your Father and your brother? Perhaps send them link to this thread in order to start building bridges.

ProfessorSillyStuff · 06/08/2025 02:45

He sounds beastly.

When you prepare to leave, be careful, he could suddenly become even more violent.

Please get help from an Independant Domestic Violence Advocate by calling 0808 2000 247 when it's safe to do so.

LittleMissNumber · 06/08/2025 03:21

Please reach out to your dad or brother or any previously close friends that you have lost because of this awful man. It doesn't matter what has happened in the past or that he has isolated you from them, just reach out to them.

Reading your post made me feel so sad, please believe us, he is awful you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be treated well.

I had a friend in a similar situation we tried to help but she wouldn't accept, eventually she was isolated from everyone. Years went by and she saw who he was but she was to afraid to come to us and ask for help after all these years and ignoring us previously so she took a different way out. I would have welcomed her and your family will do the same.

TheStinkyPrincess · 06/08/2025 03:29

LittleMissNumber · 06/08/2025 03:21

Please reach out to your dad or brother or any previously close friends that you have lost because of this awful man. It doesn't matter what has happened in the past or that he has isolated you from them, just reach out to them.

Reading your post made me feel so sad, please believe us, he is awful you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be treated well.

I had a friend in a similar situation we tried to help but she wouldn't accept, eventually she was isolated from everyone. Years went by and she saw who he was but she was to afraid to come to us and ask for help after all these years and ignoring us previously so she took a different way out. I would have welcomed her and your family will do the same.

Would it be a matter for the courts or police?

OP posts:
LittleMissNumber · 06/08/2025 03:38

TheStinkyPrincess · 06/08/2025 03:29

Would it be a matter for the courts or police?

I'm no expert but it does sound like it to me yes. You need to reach out to a domestic abuse agency, someone above posted a number.

JustMyView13 · 06/08/2025 04:03

I know you wrote your post, but have you read it back to yourself, as if it were written by someone else?
I think you should. Disconnect yourself for a moment, and I think you’ll see that whatever this is, it isn’t a happy and loving marriage.
I echo @LittleMissNumber reach out to your family, they’ll be waiting for you.
Regarding the house, it can’t legally be transferred out of your ownership without your signature so don’t sign anything. Also, keep any messages or written communication where he’s threatened that in a safe and secret place.

TealSapphire · 06/08/2025 04:11

I think you've posted about him previously?

In any case, it doesn't matter which type of abuse he's dishing out, he is abusive and you are unhappy.

You need to get hold of any financial information possible and then get out of that house. File for divorce. Ask for help from your family and womens charities.

monkeysox · 06/08/2025 04:47

Women's aid. Asap. Hes a cunt.

Endofyear · 06/08/2025 06:44

OP please reach out to Women's Aid - your husband is abusing and controlling you. They will support you and help you make a plan to leave. Can you also speak to your dad and brother? Don't keep this to yourself, you need help and support. You don't have to live like this, you deserve peace and happiness.

TheStinkyPrincess · 11/08/2025 01:05

He has always had things his own way. I didnt want to live in a family size home with a big garden I dont even like gardening anyway. He said houses like that sell for big money.

He has said if i dont look after him in his old age i wont get anything.

OP posts:
TheStinkyPrincess · 11/08/2025 01:06

JustMyView13 · 06/08/2025 04:03

I know you wrote your post, but have you read it back to yourself, as if it were written by someone else?
I think you should. Disconnect yourself for a moment, and I think you’ll see that whatever this is, it isn’t a happy and loving marriage.
I echo @LittleMissNumber reach out to your family, they’ll be waiting for you.
Regarding the house, it can’t legally be transferred out of your ownership without your signature so don’t sign anything. Also, keep any messages or written communication where he’s threatened that in a safe and secret place.

I dont own it to sign myself out of ownership.

OP posts:
TheStinkyPrincess · 02/09/2025 15:09

I have emailed womans aid.

The lady who lives next door to us doesnt really like him and she acknowledges me but rarely him. She has asked if im ok now and again.

The couple next door but one talk to him sometimes i bet they think im strange i hardly go out and dont work.

I go out for a hours walk in the afternoon.
His son and daughter dislike me and he said they nwont help me should anything happen to him.

OP posts:
MarxistMags · 02/09/2025 15:18

Well done. 1 step at a time. Have you tried to walk to your Dad or brother's house when you are out ? Or get a bus ?

Bananalanacake · 02/09/2025 16:26

What would happen if you got a job?
Could you get your dad and brother to help you leave.

Firststop · 02/09/2025 16:29

Please talk to your Dad and you brother about how awful things have been for you. And take the advice Women's Aid give.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread