Partner indulges our son too much, lets him have and do whatever he wants

[Reliablysaturdaydoormat]

Looking for opinions

our son is 18 months old, he’s a lovely little boy but I’m worried my partner (his father) is spoiling him. He gives him whatever he wants and lets him do whatever he wants when he wants, when I try to step in he has a go at me saying why shouldn’t he have/do these things, an example of things- son saw him pouring milk from a carton and wanted the carton, started crying so he have it to him, it was empty but still had some drops on the bottom which son proceeded to pour all over the sofa, I said to partner there needs to be boundaries you can’t just let him do what he wants all the time, he started yelling at me calling me psychopath and that I need to speak to someone

You are definitely not being unreasonable, OP! @Reliablysaturdaydoormat

they are only little for such a short period of time.
i would have rinsed it and then given it to him, all these requests are his brain cells growing and learning including that drips of milk fall toward the ground or soak into the sofa actually fab opportunity to begin an understanding of physics.
children learn through play.

Really?

of course you let kids play with large empty boxes/toilet paper rolls/egg cartons. when outside you let them play with hoses/bugs/mud/puddles and some gardening tools.
so very much to learn (kind of like montessori education).
save "no" for dangerous items.

YANBU op, it wasn’t a clean empty carton, it still had drops of milk in it which your partner allowed your child to drop on a sofa. You are quite normal to say no to this and your child will not be damaged from it in any way. He will be more damaged from seeing daddy shout at mummy and call her names.

My father was indulgent with me.
Once he took me shoe shopping - I must have been about 9 or 10. I settled on a hideous pair of suede multi-color slip-ons. Of course, I thought they were beautiful.
We got home and I ate a gigantic piece of cherry pie.
Later, I set the table for dinner, as was my chore and Mum and Sis got dinner together, and fhen after dinner Sis washed and I dried.
We watched a bit of tv and then it was my bedtime - I put my new suede shoes right by my bed.
In the middle of the night, I awoke violently ill, and couldn’t make it to the bathroom - all I could do was lean over my bed and throw up - right into my brand new shoes..
Mum came running and she wasn’t even cross - I suspect because the shoes got thrown out.
I wouldn’t be half as angry with OH over how he treats your son, but I’d be seriously pissed off over how he treats you. That’s inexcusable.
Sending love ❤️

You are both unreasonable.

You for not letting your kid play with a box that will end up in the bin anyway - What's the problem? Free toys, they love playing with cardboard, flyers, empty boxes etc. As long as there is no danger and you don't need for something else, what is the issue? Give it to them for the day and bin once they're in bed.

Him for not cleaning and drying the box before giving it to him.

Don’t be daft - dripping milk onto a sofa isnt ‘play’. It’s ruining furniture!
Giving in to toddler tantrums is teaching the toddler that if they cry and scream loud enough they can have anything they want. Things my toddler grandson wanted yesterday - my coffee, the remote control to poke the cat with, to throw his dummy in the toilet, the cat food, to not be strapped into his car seat. He would have learned that coffee tastes nasty, cats will scratch you if you annoy them, a dummy that’s been thrown in the toilet will end up in the bin and granny wound take him to the park if he’s not strapped into his car seat.

OP, your issue here is your husband calling you a psychopath.

This is correct.

It sounds like one of you is too strict and the other too quick to say yes, you need to meet in the middle.

The milk carton isn’t the problem. Your issue is that you are not on the same page on how to parent and not able to discuss that without arguing. This will get worse if you can’t find a way to communicate.

Yes, he can play with that but when it is rinsed out and clean. Your partner is a dick. Ask him to clean the sofa now. How you feel about how he would react to that will tell you more about your relationship.

This doesn't seem like over-indulgence; his reaction, however, is mental and completely over the top. Is there a pattern of this kind of behaviour in your relationship?

@YodasHairyButt i would t say I’m too strict, I’m happy for him to play with anything like this providing it’s empty/clean first. I try to set boundaries which my partner never agrees with and doesn’t see a need for them as he says he is perfect as he is

@BreakingBroken

nah mate, even rinsing it, any drops falling out onto the sofa are still gonna be a bit milky and are thus gonna make the sofa stink! Who wants that?? 🤢 It’s ok to say no to kids!