Husband asks me what’s bothering me then makes it all about himself

[2791cc]

Second marriage - married 5 years
realising we have different approaches / boundaries / friends / attitudes to money

i think I love him but not sure I like him - he’s loud and overbearing and if ever I ask him to tone things down he says I won’t accept him for who he is and want to change him !
I don’t want to change him - I would like him to respect my (and other people’s ) boundaries
There have been 4 recent occasions when he’s asked my what is on my mind and when I have told him that something he has said has upset me he immediately turns it on me and says well you do that ! There is no acceptance on his part that he has caused a situation - he just makes out he is upset about something I have said! Really makes my piss boil as it seems as though he asks a question but doesn’t want to hear the answer.
has anyone else experienced this and what has helped ? Thanks

What "situations" do you think he's caused? We weren't there.

Do you want to be married to someone you don’t actually like? Is it time to get your ducks in a row?

You “think” you love him? OP, are you being honest with yourself. You don’t communicate well and you need to break the cycle. He clearly feels the need to deflect blame back to you and be defensive. You both need to approach the situation without anger, and to actually set about resolving issues.

You've done five years. That's long enough. He hasn't passed probation.