Playdates - when are they important?

[DinosAndMonkeys356]

And AIBU to hate them? My DS is just turned 11 months. I keep having mums I met at various groups ask me for playdates and to reciprocate etc. I hate playdates. With a passion. My son doesn't get much out of them. He enjoys going to soft play and the park and the pool much, much more. But I'm worried he will soon need them so maybe I should keep doing them for the future so we're not ostracised or something? We live in a small place FYI. He won't be going to nursery until he's 2.

My son loves being out, he hates being in a cramped space, and I spend my time trying to keep him safe as people's living rooms are just a new challenge to him in how to hurt himself.

The mums try to make conversation which is invariably about the babies and we're all sort of talking over each others' kids, it's just tiring and annoying.

Not at 11 months. My kids didn’t start having play dates til they were 5. Even now at 7 they aren’t that common.

The only play dates I ever did was my best mate's kid. Havent ever entertained anything else, to be honest.

I don't think they actually play with other kids until they're around 2.5 - 3.

Around 2-3 I'd say. That's when my son wanted to play and interact with other children.

They don’t really even properly play with other children until they’re 4/5 so at 11 months they’re just for mums. I’d leave it until your child starts school.

They’re mainly useful for parents, not kids. So if you don’t enjoy them, don’t do them! Especially if your kid is getting social time elsewhere - toddler group, nursery, school?

If you aren’t enjoying the social connection with the other mums then 2-3. I enjoyed them just for talking to another adult though.

My DD enjoyed them from about 3. They're all different though. She is very sociable.

If neither of you enjoy them don't do it.

Edited for typos

primary school I’d say.

He's not going to nursery for another year but I do take him to places daily.

I've enjoyed them from birth until now my eldest is 3. But I wouldn't call them playdates as such at 11 months, they're just getting together with other mums so you have adult company and the babies do their own thing. If you don't enjoy them, don't do them. Once your child is 4ish they'll actually enjoy playing with others, before that playdates are a handy change of scene when you go out and entertainment for you and child when they come to you.

Yes, this is the feeling i get from the other mums. The talking is incredibly stressful though. No one can finish a sentence. Constantly getting interrupted by our kids, they're all 9-14 months so crawling/walking but not very well so it's all an exercise in keeping them safe. Also, about 20% is about toddlers milestones (boring!!) and 80% about how shit the husbands are (I relate to some of it but what a snooze).

I think I have NOT found my group.

At that age it’s for parents but if you if live in a small place and decline a lot now they might not ask again in future when it is more
important. At this age you can make it short and sweet - 1 1/2 hour or so. A cuppa and a catch up and then out of there.
If you don’t like being inside, especially when the weather is nice then suggest a walk/trip to the park/picnic etc. Or take your child to playgroups and they can play there.

An 11 month old won't play with other children so doesn't need playdates! I had a few friends with babies that I would have round for coffee or lunch but that was more about having some adult company for myself 😂

I think they are positive for the child. Encourages good socialisation. I did lots coming out of Covid with my first and still friends with some mums. I get you about them being tiresome, but I always did them for my child and it was helpful for me to build a network as we also live somewhere small.

Which is why there are playgroups for that age

I don’t think they are needed at all if you’re thinking in terms of your child’s development? I’m the same as you and trying to wrangle a small child in a cramped space with breakable things is not relaxing at all. Play dates as a concept are a modern invention and there’ll be no harm to your child at all if you don’t want to do them. They’ll get all the socialising once they start nursery at 2, and it sounds like the activities you’re already doing (park, swimming etc) are far more beneficial for you both!

Didn’t bother until 2, and that was because I liked the mum. In the last few months DC (now 3) has had regular play dates with another little one because they get along - and I get along with the mum too, or they wouldn’t be happening 😂

No way I would have bothered at 11 months unless it was for my own benefit.