I could really use some advice.
My exH and I split up 18 months ago. I moved out six months later, once I'd found a suitable place I could afford.
Amicable split. We just reached the end of the road. Although I was the one to instigate it, he didn't put up a fight.
Now, with hindsight, I think he had checked out long before me.
DC are young adults. Away at uni, often home at weekends and in the holidays. They stay in the family home but I see them every other day or so.
They've asjusted as well as can be expected.
I've been in a new relationship for nearly a year. We have been taking it slowly. It's long-distance. I waited to be sure before I told my kids and ex, and beczuse the kids needed time to adjust to the zlready huge upheaval. I told them about six weeks ago. I just wanted to be honest. There's no pressure for them to meet him.
Last Sunday, so not even 10 days ago, exH phoned to tell me he'd met someone and it was serious. They met on Elite three weeks previously and had met in person the day before. He's smitten, blown away by how compatible they are, according to the results of the questionaire they filled out. So, even though I was a bit taken aback by how quickly he'd told the kids, I told him I was happy for him and wished them well. (Apparently they hadn't even told each other their real names until they met for coffee!).
The next day I found out from my kids that the Saturday evening, having been out all day without telling them where, he phoned at 10.30pm to tell them he was coming home to get changed (more likely to pick up condoms and Viagra!) and that he was bringing a woman back with him, but then would be going back out. When my older son said fine, I'll go into my bedroom, exH said no need, you can meet her. They didn't as they both felt really uncomfortable with this, that their space had been invaded.
ExH spent this weekend just gone in his new GF's hometown. And has told the kids this is the plan going forward:all weekends spent with her.
They (kids and ex) are supposed to be visiting old friends of the family in the town we used to live in. I would have taken them (they were more my friends than his) but I'd already arranged to visit family.
Anyway, exH announced to the kids when he got home Sunday evening that he's hoping to bring his new girlfriend along, have lunch together on the Saturday "so that he can introduce her to everyone", then bugger off to an airbnb with her, and pick the kids up on Sunday on the way home.
They are understandably disgusted. They've told him how wildly inappropriate it is, to them but also to our family friends. It will be the first time they've seen them since we split, so already awkward. ExH is apparently stunned that this has not gone down well. Is telling the kids they're being difficult. They've said they'll call the whole thing off if he tries to force it on them.
So, my question is, do I call him and ask him to reconsider? Do I call my friend and give her a heads up?
My kids have said no to both. I want to respect them because they are technically adults and it's between them and their dad. But they're still my kids, and he is being so obtuse.
Edited for SPAG.