Husband liking pictures of other women

[Worthless9]

Hi never posted before but basically my husband of 9 years (together 18) has always searched for other women and even messaged them years ago asking for naked pictures etc And doing it through fake profiles. I thought that had all ended but just found him liking a lot of pictures of a woman he went to school with whos pictures are on the sexy side and when I confronted him he said it's because he likes her breasts and her poses on them and has apologised but doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with liking how she looks. Am I mad or is this completely out of order. I'm so distraught and class this as good as cheating. Am I over reacting? Currently sat in a (very shady and scary) hotel room because I can't face him and he's stopped messaging me back when I called him a cheater. I've also sort of chased him for messages today because I still love him but he's just given the.'Im sorry ok I don't know what you want me to say' kind of responses. I honestly dont think he is or realises how much it kills me. Any help appreciated (also we have 2 children 7&9)

Of course you aren't over reacting.
He took wedding vows to you. He is supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with you. So he shouldn' t be seeking sexual gratification from other women. I would count it as cheating.

It sounds as though he has been like this all through your marriage. Thats the type of man he is. It must be so damaging for your self esteem. I'd rather be single than put up with being treated like this.

Oh mate - get rid of him x

Get rid.

Liking the pictures is just the tip of the iceberg unfortunately. He will cheat- if he hasn't already done so. He doesn't have respect for you or women in general.

He knows exactly how much this hurts you, he knows its pervy and the women don't like it because he's using fake profiles, and I bet he'd blow his stack if he'd been the one to find out you were doing it.

What a sneaky weasel..it's most certainly not normal or respectful and more so because it's someone he knows rather than an unattainable fantasy figure which wouldn't be great either

Oh come on OP, you know this is unacceptable behaviour on his part! As hard as it is, you need to face up to the fact that your DH is seeking attention from other women - if he hasn't actually cheated yet, he is wanting to. You need to end this relationship because you deserve to be treated better than this.

Hes not just liking pictures though is he. Hes liking them because he likes their breasts, hes approaching old school associates, hes making fake profiles...

All of which paints a picture of a man whose faithfulness is tied to a current lack of opportunity. But the worst of it...

He doesnt care that this crosses a line for you! He doesnt care this is a betrayal to you. He likes her breasts, he shouldnt have to hide it, sorry if youre upset - isn't an apology. So dont hold out for changed behavoiur.

This is who he is. Its good enough or it isnt

I want to leave him, I want to feel happy and not absolutely worthless but I honestly don't know if I'm strong enough. Thank you for all the replies, I dont have anyone else I can talk to.

Where are your DC? Surely it should be him sitting in a shitty hotel room?

Your username does not reflect you, you're most definitely not worthless.

he said it's because he likes her breasts and her poses on them and has apologised but doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with liking how she looks

See now, this is gaslighting.

He knows damn fucking well that it's extremely hurtful but he's trying to make you feel like there's something wrong with your reaction. And it almost worked! Be careful OP.

Whilst it's human nature for guys - even married ones - to acknowledge someone is attractive, it's something else entirely for a married man to actively seek out half-naked pictures of women online.

Time for a serious conversation I think...

Unfortunately I don't think op husband is the type of person you could have a serious conversation with.
He's already brushed it off as a nothing and it's ok to like a woman he knows from school days and says he likes her tits.
Wtaf can you do with that.

They're at home with him because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of them and he wouldn't have left.

You're right he's not he's always maintained he doesn't know why he does it and will never give me an answer and gets angry the more I push. I more need to know for my own self esteem because clearly I'm not what he wants but I stay for the kids .
And because I'm so unbelievably in love with him.

I'm sorry, you deserve better than this. Take some time to get your head together and decide what you're going to do

Why are you with this creep. Have some self respect and be a better role model for your children!

You've been together for 18 years and He's always done it. You married him and had children with him knowing this and he still does it.

He isn't going to stop.

He fobs you off with,"I don't know why I do it,' and not taking any responsibility and you accept it. He gets angry if you don't.

Yes, I can definitely see why you are "so unbelievably in love with him.' I mean, I can't see how you can even like or respect him on a really fundamental level personally.

Come on, you know what you need to do. What is actuaĺy stopping you?

Maybe he's ruined my self esteem so much I don't think I'll find better or deserve it or maybe I'm scared of being alone or don't want the kids to get caught up in it all but I really couldn't tell you what it is that stops me leaving.

I’ve been exactly where you are OP.
I don’t need to imagine how upset, confused and heartbroken you are.

Firstly- as a prev post (s) mentioned he is gaslighting you. Your username/ how you’ve described him briefly indicates your being emotionally abused. And his behaviour will make you feel worthless, but you are far from it.

You should leave save yourself some wasted time and energy, lots of people will tell you to and you want too. You just don’t know why you can’t leave?! To help you understand look up “cognitive dissonance in a relationship”
It is very normal to go back when you are in a toxic relationship. You’ve probably not come to the end of your rope.
If you can’t leave right now or should I say stay gone (as another point on this mans attitude - hasn’t even got the respect to give you some space!) and you do want to go back because things settle down and you are madly in love with him….

Best advice I got was - Work on Yourself . Do things that make you feel good. Start every day if you can writing a List of one thing you like about yourself an add to it. Do some self care every day even if it’s for a short period.
If you can afford it get a therapist for you to work on YOU. If not, there are lots of books/podcasts etc that can be a great resource for what you’re dealing with a Toxic Relationship. Talk to people, if you have a friend friendship group, even if you don’t want to tell them about this just keep them close.

You will never fix/ change this man no matter how hard you try. You will likely never win or try and make him see he is wrong. Which he is. People like this erode your self esteem. He might fake an apology he may seem genuine but I would have a guess you’ll be here again at some point.

Shift your focus to you, you deserve happiness, respect and love.