If you have a 13 /teen year old girl....

[Getagrip22]

What do they value in friendship? (Mine said to be included, thought of, funny, kind)

I honestly think most of the teens in our town are brutal.... you have to be popular...on all the social media with followers....have all the popular brands, hair dye, lashes etc...to be liked and included

My daughter keeps getting dropped in friend groups...and I'm wondering why? ....

Imo there is a serious lack of social awareness and empathy now.with kids.. seems they are literally out for themself and dont reflect how others feel.....I don't think most parents follow it up either..by having those conversations-I know not all kids / parents are like this BTW..

im sorry OP it’s awful for your dd and you.

Do be careful though about making her a ‘victim’. My friend for years told me how her daughter was always left out , always dropped etc etc. I knew the daughter too but she wasn’t close with mine. Eventually she was left lonely because all these other kids had been mean etc etc. My dd took her under her wing a bit and I wish she never had. My friends daughter was emotionally very very hard work, dd had to tread on eggshells and ultimately friends daughter ended up doing some really cruel stuff to dd and leaving her out. I spoke to my friend (as did another parent who independently witnessed the bullying) and my friend was absolutely adamant it was all a misunderstanding. So just really be conscious that you need to be 100% sure of what’s going on.

dd is 14 now she values people being kind, liking similar stuff and being adventurous.

I had to leave her to fend for herself a bit because I was so bloody angry! She is actually friends again with the girl which I don’t like tbh but they arent close, just chat at school etc.

dd also has friends from outside of school which helps - is that an option?

Oh and I always encourage socialising eg dd often has sleepovers or friends round etc or we facilitate them getting wherever they’re going. I also do remind dd not to do to others what she wouldn’t like done. Eg I noticed one girl had stopped being invited and stepped in. I don’t think they were being deliberately cruel just that girl was a bit quiet and would often be unavailable so they just stopped asking. I suggested they just ask now and again and really we have to remember they’re just learning. I find friendships hard now sometimes and I’m early 40s!! Plus when I look back at my teenage years I was quite a ‘good’ kid but I still did things which were objectively mean eg gossiping and not standing up for people because it would make me look uncool.

Thanks so much for your reply. You make good points. Bless ur daughter for trying to help her, always seems to be the way -it shoots them in the foot being the kind one....... I think I do need to have a good look at what is going wrong....maybe i am being bit naive thinking it is because she is not keeping up with trends....but she does seem very mature and kind, . There has been occasions were she has stuck up for her friend with bullies for example ..
but im honestly at my witts end now...she has had so many friendship groups and always seems to be dropped. Once she is part of a group i always encourage hangouts and sleepovers...but im so worried about her long term...and how i can support her and help her make long term connections-I've offered her counselling she refuses...I've suggested clubs again refuses. Says she can't make friends out of school because it doesn't make sense and she wouldn't have much to say....Her cousin has been her little rock tho shes 15....another good point
..I know what you mean friends are extremely hard as an adult, I don't actually have close friends so I'm not much of a role model either!r