To ask if therapy really makes a difference - and if so, how?

[MrsRylance]

Im struggling with my mental health - anxiety, depression, panic etc.
I have a history of addictions and I don't want to take drugs if I can avoid it. I keep reading about talking therapies but I cant see how it would help to spend hours talking about my troubles. Can anyone explain it to me? AIBU to feel like many therapists are just making money from vulnerable people's difficulties?

Therapy made me more assertive and able to look after myself. My therapist was the one that nudged me to think about giving up seeing her weekly.

All the therapists I initially reached out to had waiting lists so I think to them when a client has achieved all they can with them, there is someone ready to replace them anyway so it’s not in the therapist’s interest to keep you hanging on to moan about your problems.

Sorry for a double post, but I also think it’s worth you investigating the different styles of therapy to see what would suit you. Some are a lot more “talking about your problems” than others.

I have only been therapised once, because I thought it was bullshit. Lots of ruminating on stuff that can't be changed.

Have you had a bad experience in the past with therapy? You made a bit of a bold statement accusing most therapists of prying on vunerable

I think you have to be ready for therapy. It involves working through why you are the way you are or think the way you do. Not just what’s going on right now. I personally feel like it saved my life, but it doesn’t work for everyone.

I did CBT which helped me a lot.
The therapist helped me recognize unhelpful thought patterns and then gave me strategies to break them.
We did go into my past a bit but it was more about stopping letting it rule my life.

I found it great. And, until I had it, thought it was a rubbish idea.

The ONLY thing I’d say is only YOU can improve your mental health. And it’s bloody hard work. Therapy can help. But you have to work hard on exercise and sleep routine and making good choices. People want therapy to ‘fix’ them, it’s doesn’t. It’s just a tool to help you fix yourself.

I went to therapy for anorexia on the NHS, eating disorder service. I went in not wanting to recover and being terrified of eating. I was also extremely mousey, with zero confidence.

I came out transformed. Not entirely... I still struggle with the eating disorder, but I was at least able to keep my head above water eating with support from my partner (I'd previously just lie and refuse to eat), lots more confidence. Weight gained, etc

No idea how it worked. Think my therapist was just some kind of wizard. I initially had CBT but then he said he was going to change approach because CBT wasn't working on me. After that he mainly spoke about my family, etc.

I really wish I knew what he did but whatever it was, it helped. I needed more sessions really, but NHS limits them.

I'm back in therapy now, dynamic psychotherapy, basically having the sessions I needed before I suppose becsuse I broke entirely again.

Not seeing how it's working so far, it just feels like hassle in my week currently, but apparently this type of therapy is more of a marathon than a sprint. We'll see. I already know therapy can work somewhat from experience, so will stick with it.

I think having a therapist you click with is key, and having the right type of therapy.

It helped me. It gave me a space to talk about what was worrying me, helped me to understand what I felt and what I wanted to do. Some of my issue was the pressure I put on myself and that I then struggled to meet my own expectations. It definitely improved my stress and anxiety levels at that time and now I think I handle things better. The therapist used a number of different exercises over the sessions to get me talking and it flowed from there. I refer back to some of that even now a few years later. I felt we got to a natural point where I didn't need the sessions anymore, but I knew I could book more if I needed them.

My work offers free therapy sessions if we want them. I have found them helpful with my mindset- she challenges me a lot on why I feel that way and the discussions have been useful. I still have my social anxiety- its not worked miracles- but I feel its helped with my processing and problem solving of things I wanted to change in my life.

Retired therapist here. Evidence suggests that the relationship between therapist and client is key and more important than the modality. While therapy can help with mild to moderate mental health issues, the primary purpose of therapy is self knowledge not “cure” in the same way that seeing a medical doctor might be expected to cure you of a physical illness. “The unexamined life is not worth living” is the aphorism that sums it up best for me. Also, the client needs to do the necessary work on themselves and be honest which can be very painful at times. The therapist needs to move them on when the client gets stuck and discourage rumination and rehashing of old grievances. Don’t do it if you can’t commit to making it work and if you expect it to take away all your pain. Life is painful at times for all of us. Do do it if you want to live life to the fullest possible for you.

Thank you for all of the replies. I have skim read them all and I think that I am even more confused. So many different views and experiences.

I did try therapy once. Unfortunately I became very panicked about the prospect of the sessions and always arrived in tears. I just couldn't calm down and therefore the sessions were ineffective. I stopped the sessions after about 4 weeks as I was getting nowhere.

Sorry, I forgot to add that I am going to re read the posts again with more care and thought.

I have tried it twice through NHS 6 sessions, made no difference to me at all

Never been. Due to massive trust issues.

I was wheedled in an hour of coaching (sistemic). Had no idea idea what it was, which is a good thing or I would have backed out at warp speed 9.

40 years of deep, constant pain…. gone. Had to do “homework” after the session, which I had my doubts about. But it fixed the sense of peace. It’s still gone almost a year later. Not sure it will work for all of the people all of the time with all of the coaches, but I’m glad I suspended my massive doubts and cynical tendencies, because that coach with that form of coaching was a perfect match for me.

Having said all of that, I had relented on refusing anti-depressants 2 years prior which turned the volume down on many of the manifestations of the pain. And I went on HRT to allow the anti-depressants to work again when peri-meno upped its game. Also became a member of a formal, hand-on ADHD “daily boot camp” which has played a significant role in balancing me out. I don’t know if the coaching would have been able to penetrate without all that groundwork first.

I sort of use Chatgpt for “talk therapy” on an ad hoc basis. I’ve got the paid version have trained it to come up with action steps rather than just validating my feelings. Seems to work at shaking me out of a decent into the danger zone, where the black clouds could find me and worm their way back into my headspace.

You could try a limited “suck it and see” approach towards therapy if finances allow. And regroup to look at other options if you don’t feel it has achieved the outcome you were hoping for after a set amount of investment.

Great posts already about how therapy can help you to understand yourself. What's at the root of your addictions? What is the pain that you are trying to to medicate? Where do your anxiety, depression and panic come from?

Your therapist certainly doesn't have the answers to those questions, and they are not there to judge you, but they can guide you towards discovering those answers for yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint, as someone said upthread

I was in therapy for 7 years - psychodynamic psychotherapy, which looks at the impact of your past, especially your childhood, on how you experience the world now. Am I 'fixed'? 'Sorted'? 'Problem free'? Absolutely not - I'm still in the process of understanding myself, and I will be for the rest of my life. But therapy gave me the best possible head start in understanding myself, finding compassion for myself and starting to heal

There's that trendy phrase - 'be kind to yourself '. Some of us don't really have a clue what that means or where to start. Therapy is a brilliant way of starting down the right path in understanding it and putting it into practice

Well if you are holding stuff back because they are ‘prying’ it’s not going to work. Took me a few goes before plucking up courage to talk about some things but in the end you have to assume they’ve heard worse and just be honest.

I am having EMDR therapy and it's been life changing going through Peri menopause gave me terrible anxiety and brought a lot of trauma and PTSD from my past. I've gone from being anxious 24 7 to feeling resilient and good. I do really like my Therapist Which I think makes a difference.

Therapy can help you to recognise patterns of your own behaviour and how you react to other people’s behaviour. It can teach you how to process emotions and then deal with them instead of storing them up or stewing on them.

therapy sagged my life. I had 26 weeks of intensive psychotherapy and it turned me around 100% and I’ll be forever grateful for that

I had CBT...after trying a few therapists to find 1 I gelled with. Worked great on dealing with some childhood issues that came up whilst doing my degree.

Then i had EMDR due to PTSD from work..
Absolutely amazing and saved my life.

Both of them require a lot of work inbetween sessions and the understanding everything changes...ie how you interact with partner/family etc so there's a lot to get your head around and support from others is key.

I was super motivated too but kind of knew when I felt ready to end.

I've friends do years and years of traditional psychodynamic therapy...yuck. I'd rather be sectioned than to go down that road but for them it works. So it is horses for courses.

Helped me with PND, anxiety, a tricky time in my marriage and a difficult childhood.

I had 12 sessions of EBT (a form of CBT) and it really helped. It gives you tools, coping strategies, gives perspective from a qualified professional who can explain it’s not necessarily all your fault or who can just listen. Very worth doing.

I did it alongside 50mg of sertraline every day for a year and the two together made me well again and able to return to work.

Yep, lots of different types of therapy which help in a variety of ways, some will be more effective for a particular person's issues than others but all have their place. I was like you, couldn't see how talking about my problems would help but how wrong I was! I see it like a little animation in my head now, problems unspoken just circulate in your mind til they're stuck in an endless, pointless loop. Talking about them gives them an exit point and breaks the cycle, freeing up your headspace to either find solutions or just find some peace.

I've had both CBT and counselling (both on the NHS) and found both useful in different ways despite being sceptical about any form of therapy, I basically only gave it a go out of sheer desperation! Glad I did though, it's helped me make peace with a very difficult family situation and I'm more confident and grounded than I think I've ever been in my life.

Therapy helped me so much. I was in a controlling, but not violent relationship and it helped me to see what part i played in that and gave me the courage to start standing up for myself and get a little bit of me back.

When i suffered pregnancy losses and a stillbirth it gave me a safe space to talk about a taboo subject and for my feelings to be acknowledged and validated.

That being said, i also tried EMDR for PTSD and did not gel with that at all. Felt like i was playing the system so to speak. I was saying what i knew they wanted me to say and really in my head thinking what a load of rubbish. Never felt any different afterwards and quite after about 5 sessions. Not sure if it would work with a different therapist, i've not tried.