Coparents- tips to make Christmas special when I don't have the kids for Christmas?

[BookArt55]

I know... it is August. But this year will be the first Christmas I won't see my children aged 3 and 6, the court order means they will be with dad this year. High conflict coparent relationship.

So, any top tips on how to make Christmas special? I plan to have our Christmas just before the actual big day (because my eldest's birthday falls between Christmas and New Year which I will have the kids for).

How do you explain to the kids that Father Christmas will still come, even though it is early? Last year dad told the kids the Santa presents were fake... he's always said he doesn't agree wjth lying about santa... I don't think I have many years left, even this one I doubt!

Any tips for me to get through the actual day. I find the time they are with their dad tough anyway, so i know this will be particularly rough for me. It'll also be the quietest Christmas I have ever had as all other extended family are away, so will just be me and my dad.

Christmas is our favourite time of year, but last year wasn't as fun as didn't know until 8 days before that I would have the kids as we were in court, such a stressful time. I just want the kids to enjoy their childhood, for us to make lovely memories and possibly see if there is a bonus to having Christmas early! Trying to look on the bright side :)

How early will you be having Christmas? If only a day or two before at that age can you not just tell them it’s Christmas? Presumably they won’t know what date it actually is, if you tell them it’s Christmas then they’ll believe it. So Santa comes to them and for all they know he’s come when it’s really Christmas Eve, they won’t know it’s actually only the 23rd. Then just tell them they’re going to have another Christmas with their dad but Santa won’t come as he’s already been.

I agree with this, and also think booking to go out for Xmas lunch with your dad rather than cooking for 2 and dealing with all the washing up. A nice breakfast, out for lunch, nibbles in the fridge for later, take it easy.

We had a massive ADVENT party. 1st December - didn't matter whether dc were with me on Xmas day or not. It became our thing. We put up all the decorations, we had full Christmas dinner and Christmas pud, we had special advent presents. It was magical. And even better because no-one was tired of turkey, or bored of the Xmas music.

@moderndilemma I absolutely love this idea! I'm definitely doing this, thank you so much.

We are planning on having a really lazy day, have talked about going out for dinner. I think wha you say is right.

My only worry saying my Christmas is the real Christmas is that the kids will say something and then I'll be accused of alienation, abuse, etc all over again. But I do see your point, and planning on doing it on the 22nd...

Santa knows that they’re having two Christmases so he makes sure he drops the presents off early at your house….
I’m guessing you’ll already have cooked a Christmas dinner for the kids so use this as an opportunity to either eat the best leftovers yourself or save the washing up and go out to eat with your dad. Watch your favourite films or do what makes you happy.
It’s only one day.

I always tell my DD that santa know she's having two christmas, she's with her dad this Christmas but when it's my days with her we will still do all the Xmas eve traditions etc just on different days

I wouldn't lie about it being Christmas, as this will be really confusing especially knowing the dad will tell them it wasn't.
I agree with the others to say that they are having two christmas' and Santa knows they have been good and has dropped their presents off early.
On the day make plans for the day. Can you go to family? My brother only has his daughter every other year and is the main parent so he finds it tough when he doesn't have his daughter but goes to our parents for Christmas day. I think he accepts it for it is what is and that it isn't going to be a great day for him, but keeps neutral about things for his daughter.

Would highly encourage you to consider having your Christmas after the dad's Christmas.

Loved Christmas after Christmas with my divorced parents. Second Christmas was always the best, whoever did it. It was like... Christmas was over, but oops no it wasn't! Score.

As for your Christmas day , have a totally chilled one. If you do have Christmas after Christmas with the kids, you could spend it making everything really magical though and that might be enjoyable.

Do you write to Santa with your DC? They can tell Santa that they are celebrating Christmas early with you so he knows when to deliver their stockings.

Is your ex going to do stockings with them too? If not, I would be tempted to say Santa only visits if you believe in him, which is why he sent the presents to your house 😂 You probably shouldn’t though…

Adult stockings are fun too! You could make some small stockings with treats and drinks for you and your DF (instead of just serving them) and an extra gift. We usually put something fun to do in adult stockings for any quiet moments on the day eg a game, a book, craft kit, puzzle. Is there something you would enjoy doing together? A lock picking kit, as suggested on MN, was a big hit for us one year 😂

You probably don’t get to spend much time alone with your DF without the DC? Is there anything you both enjoy doing? Walking, eating out, cooking, games, films (it’s a chance to watch something a bit more grown up), music! You could centre the day around that.

I would go to midnight mass, have a leisurely breakfast with Buck’s Fizz with some adult stockings, go for a long walk, eat out or have a day long buffet of nibbles and treats or a luxurious non traditional meal (eg steak and chips, and Indian takeaway), with some silly games and a film. There would be real candles without worrying about the DC and more alcohol than at a family Christmas 😂 Some fancy cocktails would be nice. I might dress up too but you could go the opposite way and lounge in PJs. I would enjoy a more adult sophisticated Christmas without children but you might want a child free child out day 😂

Put Christmas aside for a second, what would you and your dad like to do on a “me day”? That would be a good starting point.

I'd just "do" a Christmas without stressing to the kids it's the Christmas Day.

One thing I will say though is try and stay off social media on the day if you use it, made my first one without DD really tough seeing people's Christmas morning pics. Also on here with people bellyaching about the kids or whatever when I was missing mine.

Hope you have a lovely day whatever you do!

Maybe for your Xmas dinner with your DC make it a bit different, so beef rather than turkey( which is a bit rubbish anyway, otherwise we'd eat it all year round), all the trimmings, of course, but a different pudding etc. So special but not quite the same thing twice for them.