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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD complaining of having to look after dogs

51 replies

ML5 · 04/08/2025 21:13

Going holiday Tom with DH come back Friday evening. DD not happy about having to look after our dogs & is complaining about having to get up if they become unsettled/anxious. This is not an every night thing but occasionally me/DH have to come down to resettle them back down. Also she’s complaining about having to wake up earlier to sort them out before she gets ready for work. (she works from home)
AIBU to be annoyed & frustrated at her the night before we go away for having ruined the start of our short break or should I just ignore her?

OP posts:
Gardeninrags · 05/08/2025 18:14

How selfish of her. Is she usually like that?

Nearly50butdontfeelit · 05/08/2025 18:32

I had the exact same conversation with both sons of a similar age. Think they just like to remind us of how we put on them 🤣🤣🤣 and how hard done by they are.
Ignore the whinging like I did to my 2. The dogs will be fine. She loves them ( like my sons) and when it comes to it, will do the necessary care.
Im relieved to hear its not just my family's issue- I thought we were abnormal 🤣🤣🤣
Everyone, dogs and dc will cope. Just go and enjoy

Nearly50butdontfeelit · 05/08/2025 18:32

I had the exact same conversation with both sons of a similar age. Think they just like to remind us of how we put on them 🤣🤣🤣 and how hard done by they are.
Ignore the whinging like I did to my 2. The dogs will be fine. She loves them ( like my sons) and when it comes to it, will do the necessary care.
Im relieved to hear its not just my family's issue- I thought we were abnormal 🤣🤣🤣
Everyone, dogs and dc will cope. Just go and enjoy

Viviennemary · 05/08/2025 18:35

Dogs can be a real tie and a nuisance. She obviously doesn't want to do it. Book them into kennels next time you go away.,

tommyhoundmum · 05/08/2025 18:38

ML5 · 04/08/2025 21:17

Yes and she agreed to it

Show quote history

She might be a bit envious

Luckyingame · 05/08/2025 18:52

Viviennemary · 05/08/2025 18:35

Dogs can be a real tie and a nuisance. She obviously doesn't want to do it. Book them into kennels next time you go away.,

Exactly.

TakefivedeepBreaths · 05/08/2025 18:52

It depends whether the dogs are yours or dogs that she really wanted you to get.

BreadInCaptivity · 05/08/2025 19:09

Not a dog lover, but if she agreed to look after them (after an offer of kennels was made) then she needs to stick with her word.

As a more general point about them being family dogs though was she keen to have them in the first place?

Just internally referencing family friends where the parents both wanted dogs in lockdown but all 3 kids were non plussed or (2 of them) against it.

Parents now very frustrated the (now young adult/soon to be young adult) children don’t want to help with the dogs on a day to day basis and especially when the parents go away citing “family dogs”.

Can’t say I blame the children when they push back and say “no, your dogs, we didn’t ask for/want them”.

Original poster
ML5 · 05/08/2025 21:18

TakefivedeepBreaths · 05/08/2025 18:52

It depends whether the dogs are yours or dogs that she really wanted you to get.

Family dogs all agreed to them

OP posts:
Original poster
ML5 · 05/08/2025 21:18

BreadInCaptivity · 05/08/2025 19:09

Not a dog lover, but if she agreed to look after them (after an offer of kennels was made) then she needs to stick with her word.

As a more general point about them being family dogs though was she keen to have them in the first place?

Just internally referencing family friends where the parents both wanted dogs in lockdown but all 3 kids were non plussed or (2 of them) against it.

Parents now very frustrated the (now young adult/soon to be young adult) children don’t want to help with the dogs on a day to day basis and especially when the parents go away citing “family dogs”.

Can’t say I blame the children when they push back and say “no, your dogs, we didn’t ask for/want them”.

For your information these are well loved family dogs that we ALL agreed to getting

OP posts:
GiveDogBone · 05/08/2025 21:30

ML5 · 04/08/2025 22:15

What does that have to do with her complaining about looking after dogs

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It has everything to do with it. If she’s not contributing to the household expenses in any way you are perfectly entitled to tell her to help out with things whether she likes it or not.

Original poster
ML5 · 05/08/2025 21:48

GiveDogBone · 05/08/2025 21:30

It has everything to do with it. If she’s not contributing to the household expenses in any way you are perfectly entitled to tell her to help out with things whether she likes it or not.

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Sorry misunderstood what you meant
but yes I agree with that

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 05/08/2025 22:35

ML5 · 05/08/2025 21:18

For your information these are well loved family dogs that we ALL agreed to getting

Show quote history

That’s fine then.

No need to be snippy, especially when I agreed that if she’d committed she should see it through and especially so if she wanted dogs in the first place.

It was a reasonable question to ask.

Chinsupmeloves · 05/08/2025 22:40

Surely she loves them as her own, I always did and helped to look after our beloved family dogs.

IMO she needs to step up, be more responsible, a God preparation for real life ahead.

If she has only known wfh and being looked after by her parents then this tiny step of juggling reality will be helpful. Xxx

dottydaily · 05/08/2025 22:42

She sounds spoilt and entitled...they are family dogs.she should understand she has responsibilities in the home she resides in.if she is not paying rent she should be,she sounds like she does not know how to earn her keep...

Chinsupmeloves · 05/08/2025 22:43

Viviennemary · 05/08/2025 18:35

Dogs can be a real tie and a nuisance. She obviously doesn't want to do it. Book them into kennels next time you go away.,

She's living with her parents so family pets. I see no reason she can't look after them, take some responsibility?

She's livng at home and wfh, what's the big deal?

Campingisnexttogodliness · 05/08/2025 22:44

We have a Your Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch Yours policy..
We have just left 3 x ddogs with dd 19 for 4 nights..
She didn't complain..
She gets lifts from the train station after work 4 /5 nights a week and work uniform washed every week.
And a home cooked meal every night...

Pricelessadvice · 05/08/2025 22:47

Good grief, she can’t look after the family pets for a few days on her own?

She’d have hated my life then- horses, dogs, cats and small animals who all needed sorting before and after school, college, uni, work… and still do 😂

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 05/08/2025 22:49

She quite obviously pays rent - rightly so IMO (just figuring out how to approach this with my 19YO) however, it clouds the water doesn’t it? Especially if she pays a decent amount, She agreed so just ignore her and enjoy your break but I think next time I would be tempted to book into kennels or offer her some reduction of rent for looking after them. I find the whole ‘adult child at home’ thing so difficult to navigate, how much should they pay? Should they be responsible for chores if they do or don’t pay? Should that money be saved up for them? I blame the government, we would all have left home by that age and still had enough money for a night out now and again!

StarDolphins · 05/08/2025 22:57

YANBU - 1) she agreed so she needs to get on with what she’s agreed & 2) they’re family dogs and I bet she gets lots done for her so should help and 3) I’d just ignore it or just keep replying with ‘you agreed to this’

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/08/2025 23:00

ML5 · 04/08/2025 22:15

What does that have to do with her complaining about looking after dogs

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Quite a difference, I think. If she pays rent and doesn’t want to commit to it, fair enough (would you expect a paying lodger to do the same?) If she doesn’t, she’s cheeky.

In any event, though, if she agreed when you booked and has changed her mind with short notice, she is being unreasonable.

Coffeeishot · 05/08/2025 23:01

ML5 · 04/08/2025 21:20

21

Show quote history

She's old enough not to be whinging about looking after pets for a few days, the dogs will be fine she will just have to manage and she will manage
, saying that id hate to get up to settle dogs down it must be a pain,

littlemisstrytoohard · 05/08/2025 23:12

@ML5
I’m guessing it’s the first time she’s had to do this alone. She’s probably nervous, worrying about what could happen ( hence the sleeping downstairs). I know she’s 21, but she probably needs reassurance, give her the confidence that she can do this.

Swirlythingy2025 · 05/08/2025 23:18

dog watching is usually easy and not rocket science, i used to look after 2 for a friend when they went on holiday and then let them in the garden before work. while i had my cuppa tea etc

BrendaSmall · 06/08/2025 07:13

We’ve always put our dog into home boarding when going away as didn’t think it was fair for my daughters to take care of them and also not fair on our dog because our daughters were out to work everyday and also out in the evenings, so dogs would have been left alone too often