Long story but bare with me. For the past 3 weeks I have been hosting my in laws who are divorced first my mother-in-law for a week and now my FIL who is staying for 12 days. Although he is not sleeping at our flat but a local B&B he comes daily around 8.30 and leaves at about 21 when kids have gone to bed. He never goes out by himself for coffee/walk/to explore anything like that ever. Just sits on the sofa watching us or waiting for us to come up with a plan for the day. My DH has got a lot of trauma with his dad as his father is very particular and quite likely autistic however noone has ever pointed any of it to him. He lives by himself , doesnt have friends, only had one woman in his life who didnt really tell him how his ways can be a bit overwhelming for others and he is quite comfortable living this way as it allows him to follow his routines etc and not compromise with anyone. You can see how this becomes a problem when he comes.
He would successfully mask the first 2 days or so but then the frustrations from kids tantrums, mess etc would get to him and he would get more and more irritable. It causes my husband either to argue with him or simply to shut down in our bedroom in order to avoid confrontation.
I feel like I am constantly left to navigate any potential outbursts and mitigate these situations for the sake of my children. I am now exhausted after 10 days of doing exactly that. I do not think this is my job to plan out daily activities every single day (father in law is restless yet would not leave a house by himself without being sent to get something ) . I feel like I need to give people instructions every few minutes otherwise they just dont communicate at all. If my DH opens up a conversation with his dad about anything important in his life work/colleagues etc his dad just switched the conversatition to his safe topics like cricket or football or just suddenly asks me 'so what are we doing today?'
AIBU to thing I shouldnt be held hostage by their strained relationship? After hoovering the whole day today/cleaning/entertaining kids/cooking I also got this extra baby sitting. After once again being starred at and asked 'so what are we having for tea' whilst I was sorting the dishwasher out I just said ' not sure avout you two but I am going out for dinner by myself '. I ordered my children a pizza. I just have had enough of being a people pleaser for 10 days in a row. I am off on school holidays ( I am a TA) i am tired of being this perfect host and I havent even had a day to myself out alone.