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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

More of a Wwyd - friends son with epilepsy

134 replies

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:05

My friends 17 yr old son has epilepsy and has it bad. For conte t he has had more than 8 seizures this year so far. He’s not supposed to drive until he is one year seizures free however he is continuing to have lessons. I’ve begged her not to let him as he is putting not only himself at danger but everyone else in the vicinity but she just won’t listen. She says he just wants to pass his test then he will stop. I really don’t know what to do it’s so dangerous

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 05/08/2025 17:40

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:48

Yes that is what she is thinking but they cannot take over the steering

They can reach the wheel. You having panic attacks about it is OTT though. Just report it.

LondonLady1980 · 05/08/2025 17:56

EatMoreChocolate44 · 05/08/2025 17:13

When I had my driving lessons my instructor was very reassuring that he could break quickly and grab the steering wheel again quickly if needs be. The instructors are trained to react very quickly as that is their job, they are in a car with people who can't drive and could easily make mistakes.You have made your feelings known. Hopefully he has made his instructor aware of his epilepsy and he has done a risk assessment with that information.

Edited

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yeah……I’m really sure the driving instructor is aware and I’m sure that all driving instructors have the authority to allow people to illegally drive based on their own “risk assessments”.

Who cares what the DVLA, the Law the doctors and Neurologists have to say on the matter? At the end of the day it’s the driving instructor’s personal assessment that determines whether someone is medically fit to drive despite having no access to that person’s health records 🤣

Who knew the laws around fitness to drive could be so flexible and open to personal interpretation 🤣

MyronB · 05/08/2025 18:36

Please report this! My partner has epilepsy so I understand the frustrations especially when I only started driving recently so we had to use public transport... I hate driving but I couldn't imagine lying to get him to drive, I'm completely disgusted at the mother for putting others in such danger, he's at least young and stupid (still no excuse). I can't believe people are actually defending this, trying to keep a person safe during a seizure is hard enough without having to control a car!

InfoSecInTheCity · 05/08/2025 18:40

Really though? “The instructor has a brake and steering wheel so it’s fine.”

yeah sure, ok. The instructor has some but not all, control over the car so it’s absolutely bloody fine to risk the instructors life and the life of every pedestrian and driver in proximity of the car being driven by a person who is a known and high risk of losing control of the weapon they are learning to control……

yep, yeah, absolutely. Completely fine.

OP, stop wasting time, effort and energy having panic attacks and trying to talk sense into your friend who is clearly incredibly selfish and has no concept of doing what’s right and considerate. Report it to the DVLA, it’s easy to do and once it’s done it’s done,

MedievalNun · 05/08/2025 21:19

Coming back in after the awful news piece about the 14-yr old and his epileptic dad. That 14-yr old tried to control the van by using the wheel. He tailed and, to quote the judge, ‘died in terror’.

You really need to report this. You presumably know your friend’s address and her son’s name. You therefore have enough information for the DVLA and police.

Either ring 101 or use the webchat. DVLA also have an online report function. Use them. TONIGHT.

rwalker · 05/08/2025 21:36

Send her this link they guy had an epileptic fit and killed his son
yes there was also drugs but ultimately it was the fit that caused the accident and killed his 14 year old son
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gq7de358go.amp

AvidJadeShaker · 05/08/2025 21:55

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:48

If he’s having lessons in a car with dual controls, it’s not a problem.

It is if he continues lessons, gets a licence, has a seizure and kills someome.

Musicaltheatremum · 05/08/2025 22:06

Are people on here mad?? Have you ever seen someone having a seizure. I'm a doctor (GP now retired) but did a lot of neurology over the years. The person having the seizure goes rigid then falls over the steering wheel and the instructor just controls the car. I've seen some mad things on here but this is one of the worst.
He should not be behind the wheel of a car full stop

Nowherefast4 · 05/08/2025 22:14

Musicaltheatremum · 05/08/2025 22:06

Are people on here mad?? Have you ever seen someone having a seizure. I'm a doctor (GP now retired) but did a lot of neurology over the years. The person having the seizure goes rigid then falls over the steering wheel and the instructor just controls the car. I've seen some mad things on here but this is one of the worst.
He should not be behind the wheel of a car full stop

Only tonic clonic seizures to be fair. He might be having focal or partial. Irrespective, just report it to the DVLA and the police.

Climbingrosexx · 05/08/2025 22:18

Musicaltheatremum · 05/08/2025 22:06

Are people on here mad?? Have you ever seen someone having a seizure. I'm a doctor (GP now retired) but did a lot of neurology over the years. The person having the seizure goes rigid then falls over the steering wheel and the instructor just controls the car. I've seen some mad things on here but this is one of the worst.
He should not be behind the wheel of a car full stop

I really think they are and to put the responsibility on the instructor to save the day just because they have a brake and clutch just beggars belief. As for the suggestion the instructor would do his own risk assessment.

tinygingermum · 05/08/2025 22:26

Please report it now. DVLA, police and try and find the driving school and report it to them aswell, they need to know.

feellikeanalien · 05/08/2025 22:27

I cannot believe some of the responses on here. Even if he is not having full on tonic clonic seizures what do you think happens during absence seizures? I can only presume that people saying there is no issue with this do not know anyone with epilepsy.

mnahmnah · 05/08/2025 22:32

Are there lots of driving schools where you are? If not, I would be tempted to ring a few and see if they are his

Arran2024 · 05/08/2025 22:42

Are his seizures only in his sleep? If so, the DVLA may allow a provisional licence. But otherwise, absolutely not. My daughter has epilepsy. She has no idea a seizure is coming and they are unbelievably forceful - it is not just a bit of flailing of the arms, but seriously strong jerks which are incredibly dangerous.

The parent should help her son apply for pip and use the money for taxis. You can also get free bus pass with epilepsy.

AvidJadeShaker · 05/08/2025 22:49

Arran2024 · 05/08/2025 22:42

Are his seizures only in his sleep? If so, the DVLA may allow a provisional licence. But otherwise, absolutely not. My daughter has epilepsy. She has no idea a seizure is coming and they are unbelievably forceful - it is not just a bit of flailing of the arms, but seriously strong jerks which are incredibly dangerous.

The parent should help her son apply for pip and use the money for taxis. You can also get free bus pass with epilepsy.

My DS gets a bus pass because he isn’t allowed to have a provisional license.

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 22:52

Id report the instructor too. He cant have a learners license either with his condition. So the instructor hasnt done his due diligence.

And id report the son to DVLA.

As an inexperienced driver, if he had a fit or earlier symptoms he isnt experienced enough with a car to minimise any incident if it were even possible. He could kill someone including himself. His mums an idiot.

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 22:56

GeniuneWorkOfFart · 05/08/2025 14:00

I tried to report someone I know for driving despite having seizures, but I couldn't make the report without their driving license number and address. So they're still driving Hmm

Report to 101 with as much info as you have

raspberryberet7 · 05/08/2025 23:02

Thanks everyone good to know that the majority of people agree with me. I have reported to dvla and am trying to find who the instructor is to report to them too. Will also call 101. I’m would rather not lose the friendship but tbh I’m prepared for it and think that she is being an absolute irresponsible parent with this tbh. His seizures come without warning and he’s been known to have multiple seizures one after the other. They don’t seem to happen when he is asleep.

OP posts:
IworkMiracles · 05/08/2025 23:04

If the seizures are only whilst they are asleep, then they are able to be assessed for a licence.

Problem with epilepsy isn't clear cut "12 months free of seizures" epilepsy is unique to the individual, their triggers, types of epilepsy, what medication works. There are a multitude of medications and what works for one person with one type does not work for soneone else with similar seizure patterns and types. Some people know they are likely to have a seizure, others it's out of the blue, there is no typical.
Tell the individual to wait. I was having a terrible time in my late teens with seizures, they were at their worst, but by the time I was in my mid 20s, they settled right down and now controlled.
Insurance will be alot cheaper as a new driver over 25!

Wessexfuntime · 05/08/2025 23:55

This is taken from Lancashire Police FB page without the video or additional information.

You need to do the right thing, it isn't just his life he is potentially destroying it is the life of other innocent people, if he was to have a seizure when driving.

I have tonic clonic seziures and was not able to drive for nearly two years. A couple of years without a car is better than being dead.

The beginning of this video shows the scene after 14-year-old Ryan was killed in a collision on the M6 earlier this year.

The man in the footage is his dad, Daniel Burba, who was jailed today.

At 12:18pm on 20th April, Burba was behind the wheel of a Peugeot Bipper van when it collided with a tree just off the southbound hard shoulder in Lancaster between junctions 34 and 33.

Ryan was in the front passenger seat and tragically died.

Burba should not have been driving the Bipper for many reasons.

Weeks before the fatal collision he had been told he was not allowed to drive because of a medical condition, having been diagnosed with epilepsy. This condition was made worse by the use of illegal drugs.

Burba had suffered an epileptic fit moments before the collision, aggravated by his use of cocaine.

Other motorists described the Bipper to be driving with its hazard lights flashing and in an ‘erratic manner’ and in excess of the 70mph speed limit. This led to a subsequent loss of control where the Bipper sharply veered to the left, leaving the carriageway to the nearside and up the grass embankment where it struck a tree.

This was a major incident that resulted in the closure of the motorway for a significant period of time. We know there was some frustration at the time, but we hope the public understand that the carriageway needed to be closed

Climbingrosexx · 06/08/2025 06:28

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 22:52

Id report the instructor too. He cant have a learners license either with his condition. So the instructor hasnt done his due diligence.

And id report the son to DVLA.

As an inexperienced driver, if he had a fit or earlier symptoms he isnt experienced enough with a car to minimise any incident if it were even possible. He could kill someone including himself. His mums an idiot.

Report the instructor for what? My husband checks the driving licence on the government website, asks if they have any medical conditions and checks their eyesight. They cannot request medical records. The lad has a driving licence which he likely obtained fraudulently. This is on him not the instructor. Seriously some of the misinformed comments on here are unreal

Climbingrosexx · 06/08/2025 06:39

raspberryberet7 · 05/08/2025 23:02

Thanks everyone good to know that the majority of people agree with me. I have reported to dvla and am trying to find who the instructor is to report to them too. Will also call 101. I’m would rather not lose the friendship but tbh I’m prepared for it and think that she is being an absolute irresponsible parent with this tbh. His seizures come without warning and he’s been known to have multiple seizures one after the other. They don’t seem to happen when he is asleep.

You have made the right decision and you need to find out who the instructor is to warn them, but reporting them? I would bet my house on it the instructor does not know about this. He probably has a wife and family to go home to just like my h does. He wouldn't risk his life and business like this

Climbingrosexx · 06/08/2025 06:44

Climbingrosexx · 06/08/2025 06:28

Report the instructor for what? My husband checks the driving licence on the government website, asks if they have any medical conditions and checks their eyesight. They cannot request medical records. The lad has a driving licence which he likely obtained fraudulently. This is on him not the instructor. Seriously some of the misinformed comments on here are unreal

Sorry I misread you are reporting TO the instructor. I can't find a way to delete the message I need new glasses that's for sure!

HedwigIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/08/2025 06:48

EatMoreChocolate44 · 05/08/2025 17:13

When I had my driving lessons my instructor was very reassuring that he could break quickly and grab the steering wheel again quickly if needs be. The instructors are trained to react very quickly as that is their job, they are in a car with people who can't drive and could easily make mistakes.You have made your feelings known. Hopefully he has made his instructor aware of his epilepsy and he has done a risk assessment with that information.

Edited

What????? The risk assessment would be “get out of my car”! It’s illegal - as many posters have already said. Fucks sake - the ignorance and entitlement on this thread is next level 🤬