Basically me and the ex (and DC’s father) were together for over 11 years.
The first five years we were extremely happy and very much in love with him even proposing to me with a beautiful ring.
Out of nowhere it turns out that his cousin is actually his half brother, DNA tests were done etc and there was a lot of hurt and confusion.
Around this time the dynamics changed in our relationship.
As he was brought up with his sisters and had always dreamed of a brother he began spending all his free time with his brother.
His brother has been to prison and was involved in gangs etc and just always has a lot of trouble that follows him around, he is also very sleazy and there have been rumours around for years that he sleeps with underage girls.
People have actually posted this on Reddit and on that Facebook honey trap page.
But apparently it’s all lies written by exes.
Also lost custody of his daughter as a baby
Anyway I tried to be supportive and in the end we just ended up breaking up as I was just pushed to the side and he had started lying to me.
By that time we had 3 young children.
He is the one who always kept chasing me and wanted us to be a family.
Every time I would agree he would then say “he wasn’t happy” etc and point out all the stuff that had happened in the past then break up with me again.
This was a recurring thing from 2017 - 2023.
There are certain things that happened over 8 years ago that he can’t accept. Such as me going on holiday with my friends where he believed I slept with someone else.
I didn’t at all.
But during this period he was going out clubbing with his brother and when telling me he was going to work on a night shift.
Double standards all the time.
I do believe a lot of it is caused by his bothers stirring and bad influence.
We at currently not together and I have no desire to ever get back with him whatsoever due to him abusing me but it’s like every time he will spend time with his brother he will come to me with this awful anti women attitude because all his brother does it stir and I am the one who gets all this verbal and emotional abuse.
It is every time he is either with or after seeing his brother.
I would like to have an amicable friendly relationship with him for the sake of the kids but it just seems impossible.
I don’t even know who he is anymore as he isn’t the man I met all those years ago.
Now out the blue he wants us to try again and be a family.
For years he would go out at the weekends with his brother and not bother to see them.
Basically it’s like he is in love with his brother as that’s all he talks about.
When I gave birth to the last DC I required emergency surgery and it took me months to recover and all I heard from both of them was how I was stopping them from seeing each other.
That’s how bad it is.
Now he is approaching mid 40s and wants to buy house as he currently lives in a council flat.
He has asked me to help him contribute towards a deposit and for me to have my name on the house and we all play happy families.
He then says I am robbing the kids of a father and a family dynamic.
Its all very confusing as ex had said for years that he dosent love me, dosent feel love up with me etc.
I want to be happy and it’s definitely not with this man at all but I feel guilty as my kids would love for us to be together.
Am I being selfish?
Am I in the wrong?
All I want is a civil go parenting relationship without all the abuse.
He has no set visiting schedule.
Comes for a few hours at the weekend.
He does pay me money for the kids but if I meet someone else the money will be stopped.
I’m also concerned about having my kids around his brother to be honest due to what’s been written on these pages.
I just feel very trapped and emotionally abused and I don’t know what to do.