Childminder

[Mayana1]

Hello to all,
I agreed with one of childminders (by recommendation of my neighbour) to bring my child to her setting from September. We did few hours trial, he was fine there, but he is constantly saying he doesn't want to go there anymore. Another neighbour's child, who goes there as well, doesn't want to go there either. Mine gets upset even if I turn on the road that goes there. I don't know what to think on that. Thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she doesn't communicate promptly. It takes forever to get a reply (we agreed to contact her when I come back from holidays, which was last week and it took her 6 days to come back to me and she only replied after I called her - she didn't pick up- and she saw my missed call). I appreciate that she is busy during the day, but I don't think 6 days is a standard responding time. I was actually worried she will not come back to me at all, or she will ditch me. As well I felt a bit uncomfortable communicating with her in the first place.
I am considering another childminder now and I might found a potential one, but I already signed a contract with her. I am only sending him for 15 hrs, funded. How to get out of the contract if I decide so? Am I still able to do so as it is starting in September and we already did the contract in May?
AIBU to want to go somewhere else?

Read the terms and conditions of the contract you signed, that will give you the notice period.

Even if we did not even start yet?

I imagine there will be something in the terms and conditions. As you have signed a contract and therefore accepted a place, the childminder will not have been able to take on another child. There may be a clause to say that you need to give a month's notice and pay the amount for that month, or there might be a fee they charge for reserving you a place.

You need to check what you agreed to.

Actually, I don't have any paperwork. I only did the child information form and gave her the documents details as birth certificate, contacts, ID's and so. I sure would have paperwork right, have I signed it? But probably she applied for funding already, I guess...

Again you need to check with the childminder. Unfortunately no one on here can give you answers. You need to speak to the childminder directly about no longer wanting the place. It might be that she has a waiting list and just says ok, or as I mentioned she might have a policy of charging you a fee as she has reserved a place for your child, stopping another person from taking it, and if she can't fill it now she will be out of pocket from you changing your mind. Maybe check if she has a website or page where her policies are listed.
It will be easier to just call her though.

Go somewhere else. I know a few children who got very upset about their early years setting (nursery or childminder) and it turned out that there were problems at the setting.

Bad comms also, agree with you, this is unprofessional and will fill you with anxiety as sometimes you'll want a fast reply.

In terms of the agreement, I'm guessing you signed something, so this will give you a notice period. Give notice now and find somewhere else. I expect you will lose any deposit you paid, but I would just write that off.

ETA: if you don't have a contract/you didn't sign anything you should still tell her asap you won't be using her services.

I don't want to sound cheeky, but I want to be sure he is getting somewhere before I cancel her. At least I have a place at the moment. It was not my intention to cancel her and look for someone else, but he is really so upset going there and I find her very cold / not sure if they suppose to be like this for a teaching reason, or they should be a bit warmer... I must say in school I preffered strict teachers comparing to too soft ones, but is that the case with small children too? I know discipline is learned at home, but I do want a child minder to have boundaries too. I just don't want him to be upset every day.

I would just cancel and find somewhere else. I wouldn't be having a waiting period of time where I send him there. There are lots of red flags here and I wouldn't want him there at all...

Where is your neighbour sending their child to?

regarding discipline, you can set boundaries with kindness. I've got 3 school age children and encountered many early years settings. They were staffed by warm, friendly people who liked children but also took no nonsense.

This is the same childminder two of my neighbour's are sending their children too. None of them are happy with the communication, but happy with the progress. Both of the children are going to school in September. As one is not talking much he can't really complain, but the other one is constantly complaining regarding the childminder. So... I don't have a bad feeling about her, just not find her so friendly as a childminder per my opinion should be. Though she has a helper and she is lovely. I just wonder if this strictness comes from prepping them to school and she is very persistent to teach them. Though all the childminder need to follow the same curriculum, so...
What if she got the funding already? So confused of everything. At least if her communication would be good I would not thinking of changing her.

Exactly what I'm looking for. So it's not that AIBU? It is possible to find a friendly one, right.

Then you need to get a move on and find somewhere else. I think the longer you leave it the more likely you will be charged and also childminders talk - a lot will go to the same places and it may be that you are viewed as unreliable in terms of offering a place to in case you pull out last minute.
I think you need to find someone asap (remembering that places are likely to have been filled for September, especially 'good' childminders - my friend is full and unless someone leaves will be until next September!) or just give this childminder a try and continue looking at the same time.

Is there a reason you want a childminder over nursery?

I had a childminder my child didnt like. As soon as it was time to drop him off he would start crying. I used to pick him up and his mouth would be dirty and his hands unclean. His nose wasnt blown either. I terminated the contract when I picked him up once and his nappy was the same I dropped him off in and was full. She wasnt there instead she left her husband to look after my son, she didnt tell me that. She also tried to make me pay her holiday days despite her being self employed. She told me she could work half term but when half term came she said she actually cant.

I only had him there 3 times for 2hrs as a trial, this was back in May and he suppose to start in September. He totally knows where to go to her house and he is keep on telling me he doesn't want to go there. I can't say whether he would come back dirty or not, I've been told they put him to pee, but wouldn't know for sure. I was more upset that it was hot and they played in the garden and his water bottle was full when picking him up. Not sure if they reminded him to drink or they offered him water from a cup instead.
As well is it normal that a child should be snatched inside as he is crying at the door? Even coming out they just pushed him out, you can never ever see the setting again or come close?

He isnt happy there so I wouldn’t take him anymore. It seems they dont give him water from his water bottle you cant be sure shes actually given him any in a cup. Trust your feeling and remove him

Please don't turn this into a childminder bashing thread.

The op has said that she doesn't want to withdraw her child as nowhere to take them to, which speaks volumes.

I was a childminder for 12 years and had children who would be upset when arriving and then were fine when the parents left. And children who hated being at mine and I had to give notice, it was not because anything nefarious was going on!

@Mayana1 if you have not signed a contract, then there is no termination period and nothing to pay, then childminder cannot enforce a contract when there isn't one. Please ensure you give reasonable notice so the childminder can replace your child, it is her income after all.

Don't send your child there. He's not happy, you're not comfortable - there is poor communication. This is your precious child you are thinking about
Trust your gut instinct.
Let her know you are not going to take up the space.
Look for somewhere else that feels right to you and your child.

Lots of children will be unsettled in a new environment and cry when going in. Likewise many children will be upset at having to go to childcare and say they don't like it. That doesn't mean they aren't fine once they are there.
The water bottle may have been filled up for them so you don't know whether they did drink it all. My own child will go a whole day without drinking at home sometimes though and he can help himself to water or anything else for that matter, if he is thirsty he will but if not he doesn't bother (MN seems to have an obsession with children having constant access to water).

As others have said, if you don't feel comfortable sending them here then you need to find something quickly if you need them to be in childcare (though I am guessing you don't need the childcare based on your lack of urgency over this and it is more just using the 15 hours) in which case you just don't send them yet.

what's weird is that the parent is not allowed into the setting.

I've got 3 children and have visited a number of settings over the years and they have always let me in with the children at the beginning and end... so I can see the environment, see the staff with the children.

Yes children can be unsettled at the setting which is normal but if the child is really upset just going by the road, that sounds odd. Plus the 6 days taken to reply to an email and the neighbour removing their child.

Op, did you ask your neighbour why they removed their child?----

I don't understand why you would sign with someone your not happy with just because your neighbours use her.
She maybe on holiday so not have answered you. If your child wasn't due in what were you contacting her for? Presumably you had booked the next session and had time to discuss issues?
If your boy is in the settling in phase it's normal for them not to want to go they prefer to be with you and Tony understand the change especially once they realise it's on going. Is the other boy new too?
Funding will have been claimed so it's possible you will have to pay the new setting initially...in my borough it would be sorted out in December for Septembers payment. You need to talk to your LA.
Childminders do talk to each other whilst they don't disclose information it's not hard to work out enquiries that could be problematic and avoid them.