Struggling to cope in pregnancy

[roisin8]

I am writing this whilst sobbing, I’m 34 weeks pregnant and I just cannot do it anymore and I know I have to.

I’m a lot bigger this time around, constantly in pain with my back, even my thighs ache constantly. My 2yo has suddenly hit the “terrible 2’s” in the last couple of weeks and I don’t have any patience left.

I am waiting for an iron infusion as I have very low ferritin and hb and tablets aren’t bringing it up, they’re just making me sick and constipated. I’m exhausted, dizzy, pale.

I’m almost 35 weeks and haven’t got a hospital bag packed yet, none of babies stuff has been washed and organised let alone packed.

We recently found out we had bed bugs (likely to have come from DH staying in a few hotels for work on big projects recently), our beautiful bed had to be tipped. I’ve got around 24 scars from being bitten all over my arms and face, some have turned into bruises. We had to get pest control in and thankfully it was contained to our bedroom and our (18 month old and very expensive) mattress was saved thank goodness but I’m so emotionally worn out by that and then physically worn out by pregnancy, a toddler and a never ending to do list for the new arrival. Whilst we wait for delivery of our new bed frame, DH took the opportunity to decorate our bedroom so everything is everywhere right now and I don’t cope well with mess.

We've finally got a day free next Sunday to go and get all of the last bits we have to so I can pack hospital bags and be ready but I’m paranoid I’m going to go into labour this week because baby has moved right down, I can feel so much pressure and my pelvis is so sore, braxton hicks have increased and I’m genuinely so so uncomfortable.

It wasn’t like this with our first, cot was up, all clothes washed and organised and hospital bags packed at 34 weeks. I felt so organised and could relax. I really enjoyed my first pregnancy and felt so happy, I’m terrified I’m going to have PPD (have been on antidepressants for over 10 years now anyway).

I am worried that I’m causing the baby harm by being so stressed, anxious and crying all of the time. I feel guilty. I feel guilty to our DD that the last weeks of us being a two are spent with me barely even being able to get on the floor with her to play. If I do, I pay for it during and then after for hours with my pelvis and back. I take her to the park etc and can’t do any longer than 30 mins.

Please can anyone reassure me that this will pass and I’ll look back on it one day and it’ll be a distant memory because at the moment I feel so close to the edge of a deep depression 😔

Breathe OP. It's normal to feel like this especially after the run of events you've had. Look after yourself and baby at the moment. Do not feel guilty about neglecting anyone or anything else. Get your DH to take up the slack with park visits and playing on the floor. You'll be able to do it again soon. You need to focus on getting your health straight and taking some time to rest.
I was similar to you breezed through first pregnancy, second time round with 4 year old was not as much fun and also was absolutely massive and in pain.
You won't always feel so overwhelmed. Once you've got your hospital bag sorted you'll feel more prepared.
Once you have had baby if you still feel low then speak to your gp. Depression during pregnancy is so common and there is support there if you need it. I had PND and felt so much better after some counselling and antidepressants.

You will look back on it like a distant memory. I definitely do. I see it as like a fog I was in and now I'm back in the sunshine. You'll get there ,take one day at a time.