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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Talk me out of moving house

11 replies

despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:10

We've lived in a small village for 30 years. Our children went to school here and had loads of friends, but are now grown up. Youngest son has struggled with growing up and has had all sorts of drink/drug disasters. We love him dearly and have done our best to support him - perhaps too much. People who knew son when he was younger understand, but recently new couples have moved into our village who don't get what we have been through. I've ended up being outspoken in defence of my son as I've found strangers being judgemental quite difficult! We are finding ourselves more and more left out of social occasions and I have heard that they gossip about how awful my son is at things like book club, even though they've never met him. We have a lovely home here that we've put out heart and soul into over the years, but I just want to leave and have a fresh start elsewhere. Younger son is more independent.now. Moving would be expensive and it would be sad to leave our home, but I just feel I want out. I want a fresh start somewhere else. It makes me unhappy to be like this and increasingly we feel like shutting ourselves away. Younger son is more independent now.

Do I just live with this or move?

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 03/08/2025 21:13

What is your youngest son doing that means newcomers are speaking badly about him? Or are they hearing stories from people that knew him before?

BakingMuffins · 03/08/2025 21:14

I wouldn’t be pushed out but I can’t blame you for leaving but will the problem follow if trouble stirs there…

despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:25

Littletreefrog · 03/08/2025 21:13

What is your youngest son doing that means newcomers are speaking badly about him? Or are they hearing stories from people that knew him before?

He gets himself in all sorts of messes. Long story. Latest story was a complete fiction about something that happened in a local pub while he was running a marathon elsewhere!

OP posts:
despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:27

BakingMuffins · 03/08/2025 21:14

I wouldn’t be pushed out but I can’t blame you for leaving but will the problem follow if trouble stirs there…

I guess we would just be much less open about him if we moved elsewhere. A bit sad, but after 15 years of it, I could do with a break.

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FionnulaTheCooler · 03/08/2025 21:29

Would your son be moving with you or has he moved out and will be staying in the current place?

AvidJadeShaker · 03/08/2025 21:31

Move not just because of your DS but 30 years is a long time and now it’s time for the next chapter in your life.

despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:34

FionnulaTheCooler · 03/08/2025 21:29

Would your son be moving with you or has he moved out and will be staying in the current place?

He has moved out but stays with us from time to time. We've probably been too open in the past about him. But it can be a lonely business dealing with it all.

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despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:36

AvidJadeShaker · 03/08/2025 21:31

Move not just because of your DS but 30 years is a long time and now it’s time for the next chapter in your life.

Yes, I think it is time to move on. It's just hard to leave when we put so much into the house and the village. I think we need to find a project to develop so that we can put our energy into something new rather than feeling defeated.

OP posts:
AvidJadeShaker · 03/08/2025 21:37

despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:36

Yes, I think it is time to move on. It's just hard to leave when we put so much into the house and the village. I think we need to find a project to develop so that we can put our energy into something new rather than feeling defeated.

Or put your energy into joining new activities in the area you move to.

Littletreefrog · 03/08/2025 21:49

Your village doesn't sound lovely it sounds horrendous. If people are making up stories about things he hasn't even done I don't think there is much hope of it turning around.

despairingmum4 · 03/08/2025 21:56

Littletreefrog · 03/08/2025 21:49

Your village doesn't sound lovely it sounds horrendous. If people are making up stories about things he hasn't even done I don't think there is much hope of it turning around.

I don't think they do it on purpose. They don't check rheir facts. They get things wrong as they don't know him. They rhink he's a bad person, whereas anyone who knows him can see he's confused and vulnerable, resulting from a host of learning difficulties. Whichever way round, it's pretty upsetting.

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