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AIBU?

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Help! I can’t co parent with my ex

5 replies

Raynaodld · 03/08/2025 20:56

For context my partner and I have separated. He has been a menace ever since. It’s my birthday soon and he keeps making comments about I won’t get no present from him and being very immature in general. He acts very mean behind closed doors as he comes to mine to watch the kids. It’s gotten to the point where we have blocked each other and have to communicate through email ans phone calls only. I am getting a CAO as he only sees our 2 and 1 year old on the weekend and does not contact them during the week anymore as he is focusing on himself and going to the gym and seeing friends. He claims when they are older ( after I have done the hard work) he will want to have more involvement but he misses gp appointments, left early on our daughter’s birthday and makes minimal effort saying he does not have to contact the kids unless it’s his days. I do the hard work during the week by myself. He has the audacity to feed them McDonald’s all weekend even though I specifically ask him to feed them nutritious meals and stock the house full of fruits, vegetables and healthy food which does not get touched during his visits. Our son is also mixed and has lovely curly hair which he insists on his next weekend with him he is going to get it cut by his barber as he looks too much like a girl. Our son is 1. He is lazy and selfish and I fear eating junk food all the time will have a negative effect on the kids health. I told him off and had to get my parents to mediate as when I asked him to stop feeding our babies junk he flipped it on me and asked them to stop giving them Ella’s kitchen snacks as it’s also highly processed. I can not co parent with someone so petty and irresponsible. They are toddlers and I understand McDonald’s can be had as a treat but they should not be having it breakfast lunch and dinner 2 days in a row every weekend.

OP posts:
tellmesomethingtrue · 04/08/2025 01:06

Sounds really tricky. Does he see them alternate weekends? How do you know he feeds them 6 mcds meals over a weekend? Is he just trying to wind you up?

tellmesomethingtrue · 04/08/2025 01:10

Hang on…. He comes to yours to ‘watch the kids’?? If it’s his time with them, the kids need to go to his house. Why are you providing a fridge full of food and enabling him into your home? This doesn’t make any sense.
if you’re separated, then he should have designated time with the children. Are you claiming child maintenance from him as your time with the kids is not split 50:50?
You said that he does not have to contact the kids unless it’s his days - this is usually how it works, no?
I’m assuming you don’t live together.

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:19
  1. You can't force him to have them more
  2. You can't control what he feeds them in his time. You can make your wishes known but its up to him (but yes it would give me the rage but id bite my tongue)
  3. Why contact at your house?
Oldtiredanddone · 04/08/2025 01:19

Ignore the ridiculous shit from him. As if it would matter not getting a birthday present from him. Don’t let him come to your home to see the kids any more, he does not need to be in your home at all. His time with them is on him to sort out.
You will have to pay to go to court to get a CAO. £200 last I knew and you still have to argue your case in court. As it stands he should be the one paying to take it to court himself if he wants contact and you shouldn’t be letting him run roughshod over you. Even in that circumstance he can’t be forced to have better or regular contact with them. Unless you refuse his contact with them as the situation stands right now you can’t stop him from feeding them rubbish either. Refusing contact going forward would also make him unable to cut your son’s hair. You need to sort this situation out now while they are so young, believe me as the mother of a teenager who’s “DF” caused so much harm even with going to court and the CAO being established completely in my favour - he was told to shut up about any objection he had towards my parenting as he’d allowed me to parent solo with no complaint for 4 years. As it played out he disappeared completely when she was 7. Now 13. The trash took itself out.

InBedBy10 · 04/08/2025 01:25

Unfortunately, you can not dictate what happens when he has the kids. My ex (of 20 years) walked out 3 years ago, and honestly, as hard as it has been, being 100% on my own with the kids. It's also the best thing that has ever happened to me because I don't have to "co-parent."

Back to you, if you genuinely dont think he is doing right by the babies, then stop the visits. Let him take you to court, and then you can plead your case.

If the court grants him access, then leave him to it. No, it is not ideal. But you will never win in this situation, and it's only 2 days. Ignore , ignore , ignore.

That's the only way to deal with exs.

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