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Original poster

To not order how much time do you spend with your kids

57 replies

rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 19:27

Since summer has broke up I have been with my kids almost every second of the day bar going to the shops for provisions occasionally on my own. Yes dad is here and yes we see people but I am still present. I have taken annual leave over summer and only work part time anyway.

I have just asked them to go their room multiple times for them to play together (they are 3 and 5) but they are back again next to me within 5 mins. How much of the day should they be playing away from you. I need space.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:38

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 03/08/2025 21:31

This thread is reassuring, my two are 5 and 7 and so demanding constantly from the minute we wake up to 9pm at night I’m SO drained and frazzled but I thought this was unusual! The only time I get some proper peace (although they will shout for me from the sofa) is if they are watching TV but then I’ve got to find something they will both watch and not fight about. If they are playing nicely together it can go from harmonious to fireworks in seconds. My eldest is firey and youngest still prone to tantrums and not backing down. The trampoline has helped but it’s 50/50 whether they are playing or fighting and arguing. My poor neighbours. My eldest also won’t go outside without me or upstairs / downstairs if I’m not there. I seem to need permission to walk round my own house, it’s madness.(I’m a SAHM so usually get a break from how intense it all is when they are at school but it begins again at 3.15 every day!!)

Edited

This 👏 my 5 year old will not go up or down the stairs on his own either!! I'm required to watch their every move or be involved even if sitting present or around to fetch things or split up disagreements. Solidarity to you ✊ we are not alone. It is so draining. I love them ..but the smaller term time doses are much more manageable 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:39

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 03/08/2025 21:31

This thread is reassuring, my two are 5 and 7 and so demanding constantly from the minute we wake up to 9pm at night I’m SO drained and frazzled but I thought this was unusual! The only time I get some proper peace (although they will shout for me from the sofa) is if they are watching TV but then I’ve got to find something they will both watch and not fight about. If they are playing nicely together it can go from harmonious to fireworks in seconds. My eldest is firey and youngest still prone to tantrums and not backing down. The trampoline has helped but it’s 50/50 whether they are playing or fighting and arguing. My poor neighbours. My eldest also won’t go outside without me or upstairs / downstairs if I’m not there. I seem to need permission to walk round my own house, it’s madness.(I’m a SAHM so usually get a break from how intense it all is when they are at school but it begins again at 3.15 every day!!)

Edited

Also my two have only just gone down. 9.30pm!!

OP posts:
crocodilesandwich · 03/08/2025 21:40

I think children need to be trained to play on their own- my big one has always been great at entertaining himself but I was a single parent when he was little so many times he had no choice but to entertain himself so I could get jobs done. My 2 year old would follow me around all day if I let him so I frequently tell him he needs to play on his own for a bit, I do set things up for him to play with then leave him to it. He’s definitely getting better but it’s small bursts, the rest of the time he’s my shadow!

redskydelight · 03/08/2025 21:43

I don't think a 5 and a 3 year old will play on their own for more than a few minutes. We went to the park a lot and interspersed screen time with "doing something". They were often happy to do something like "play dens" where the den was in the lounge, so I didn't need to do more than watch them. And the "restaurants" game didn't need much adult intervention. I'd just ask for bizarre combinations of food and sit and relax while they "made" it.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 03/08/2025 21:44

My 5yo has been really good at independent play from young. He can play for hours with trains/ lego/ magnatiles etc. Or he's happy to listen to his yoto for a bit. I didn't understand why others struggled without screentime. Then I had my 3yo, she needs constant attention, 20mins alone play would be her max. Together they can play quite nicely but probably require some intervention every 15-30mins.

I'm a SAHM so fairly used to it though I do sometimes hide in the utility room with a podcast and cup of tea when their dad comes home.

Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:47

Yes my 5 year old always quite good at independent play. 3 year old not at all. Which has disrupted him as 3 year will purposefully sabotage games or start rough housing so I have to intercept

OP posts:
Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:48

redskydelight · 03/08/2025 21:43

I don't think a 5 and a 3 year old will play on their own for more than a few minutes. We went to the park a lot and interspersed screen time with "doing something". They were often happy to do something like "play dens" where the den was in the lounge, so I didn't need to do more than watch them. And the "restaurants" game didn't need much adult intervention. I'd just ask for bizarre combinations of food and sit and relax while they "made" it.

Yes it very much is a mixture or screen time/play, screen time/play, screen time/play here too. Oh and snack. snack. snack. snack too!!

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/08/2025 21:50

Ddakji · 03/08/2025 19:38

Plonk them down in front of a movie. A looooooong movie.

Now that's a very good idea.
Especially when you've had enough!

WhySoManySocks · 03/08/2025 21:50

8 and 6 here. They recently moved frommamamamammamaaaamaaaa to “they’d rather play on their own thank you”.

One thing with that age difference is that it’s not your job to adjudicate minor squabbles. They are a part of the learning process and resolving them without an adult is an important skill. As ling as you are confident your little one is safe, leave them to it.

dodidos · 03/08/2025 21:51

Seen so many posts tonight about people moaning about their kids being around them.
Why have kids in the first place if all you are doing is moan about them. You’re their parent, the most important person in the world to them. It’s the summer holiday, they are not at school, nursery or with a child minder so of course they want to spend time with you.
Yes I have 3 of my own! Enjoy these times cos soon they will be wanting to spend their time with someone else and you will miss them

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/08/2025 21:51

rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:48

Yes it very much is a mixture or screen time/play, screen time/play, screen time/play here too. Oh and snack. snack. snack. snack too!!

Show quote history

Yes, I remember this from long ago.

It's hard work @rainingitspouring2

But luckily, they get older.

For now, don't feel guilty about sitting them in front of the telly with a plate of various snacks.

menopausalmare · 03/08/2025 21:53

At that age I'd spend most of the day with them and then crack out the pinot grigio once CBeebies came on.

humblebea · 03/08/2025 21:53

@dodidosNothing helpful there really was there?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/08/2025 21:57

Sounds pretty normal for that age I’m afraid. I promise it does get easier as they get older.

MixedBananas · 03/08/2025 22:00

😂 I homeschool so 24/7 all year round for me. But I got my peace and space when they go to bed. Bed is 7:30pm.

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 03/08/2025 22:00

rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 21:38

This 👏 my 5 year old will not go up or down the stairs on his own either!! I'm required to watch their every move or be involved even if sitting present or around to fetch things or split up disagreements. Solidarity to you ✊ we are not alone. It is so draining. I love them ..but the smaller term time doses are much more manageable 🙈

Show quote history

Yes exactly! I thought the baby and toddler years were hard and never in a million years did I think that parenting would feel so difficult now they are older, it’s even harder at times than when they were really little! The strain of the constant negotiations, feeding them, sorting out impatient arguments and bickering, can’t decide on what to play, trying to get them to get dressed, out the house. I hate that it feels so hard and the days feel so long I know I should be so grateful of this time!

SleeplessInWherever · 03/08/2025 22:03

dodidos · 03/08/2025 21:51

Seen so many posts tonight about people moaning about their kids being around them.
Why have kids in the first place if all you are doing is moan about them. You’re their parent, the most important person in the world to them. It’s the summer holiday, they are not at school, nursery or with a child minder so of course they want to spend time with you.
Yes I have 3 of my own! Enjoy these times cos soon they will be wanting to spend their time with someone else and you will miss them

We were sat up with ours 1:30am - 5am last night, and 2am - 6am the night before. And obviously have then had him all day.

I can confirm that when he goes to his grandparents tomorrow, he will not be missed. Certainly not for the first few hours. 👋🏻

MixedBananas · 03/08/2025 22:03

dodidos · 03/08/2025 21:51

Seen so many posts tonight about people moaning about their kids being around them.
Why have kids in the first place if all you are doing is moan about them. You’re their parent, the most important person in the world to them. It’s the summer holiday, they are not at school, nursery or with a child minder so of course they want to spend time with you.
Yes I have 3 of my own! Enjoy these times cos soon they will be wanting to spend their time with someone else and you will miss them

This is true... My Mum always says she regretted working while we were young and clingy as when we got to be teens, typically wantes to spend more time with friends and in our rooms and she qished she didnt work the first 10years of our lives. Her biggest regret.
I homeschool so I do need the break but I remind myself that my kids are a blessing. I have many friends who are infertile for 10+years and that in many countries around the world there are parents who send their kids off to school and they never come back. That helps me when I feel a bit touched out.

PassOnThat · 03/08/2025 22:04

It's really tough when you just need some peace.

Do you have any large cardboard boxes? Put some stickers and pens in a large cardboard box and tell them they're not allowed in it, you're saving it for an art project later. Then "give in".

I frequently set up things like playdoh or kinetic sand (or even just some blocks) on the table and tell my kids they're not allowed to touch it because I'm saving it for something. It instantly makes the activity much more attractive. Forbidden fruit and all that.

Children are like cats in many ways. Pet them and fuss them and they'll go away. Try to avoid them and they'll rub up against you.

dodidos · 03/08/2025 22:13

humblebea · 03/08/2025 21:53

@dodidosNothing helpful there really was there?

No but it’s true

Lifeofthepartay · 03/08/2025 22:14

When they were that age I could barely go to the toilet on my own. They are 12 and 9 now we have meals together, and we watch films, go for walks or to the park etc but they also spend a good chunk of time on their bedrooms doing their own thing, the eldest goes out with friends, sometimes for hours at a time (and comes back with them here ☺️😂)

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/08/2025 22:14

dodidos · 03/08/2025 22:13

No but it’s true

Show quote history

In your opinion.

Isitreallysohard · 03/08/2025 22:17

@rainingitspouring2 Maybe you should get them to do things separately if they fight, is that an option?

Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 03/08/2025 22:19

dodidos · 03/08/2025 21:51

Seen so many posts tonight about people moaning about their kids being around them.
Why have kids in the first place if all you are doing is moan about them. You’re their parent, the most important person in the world to them. It’s the summer holiday, they are not at school, nursery or with a child minder so of course they want to spend time with you.
Yes I have 3 of my own! Enjoy these times cos soon they will be wanting to spend their time with someone else and you will miss them

Oh I do cherish them. I have dedicated my all to them. They think I'm the best mum ever and tell me so regularly. But I am an adult and an adult craves a little adult time, space and interaction sometimes too. That's all.

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 03/08/2025 22:21

Oh gosh you're still in the trenches a bit.

Small stages. Set up a play like trains/duplo and walk in and out of the room, eg ¥just getting a cuppa" and then come back after 2 mins, gradually extend this. Don't ever get sucked in and PLAY in this sacred time, you're just bobbing in and out with a comment, "nice to see the bridge you've built, just need to wipe the counter". Get them used to you being there but not there. The more you disengage now, the greater the long term gain!