To think he’s trying it on?

[Jollyjokers]

Myself and my brother are carers for our mum. He usually lives with her but I do not (I am local but have my own children).

He’s had Covid and chose to self isolate for 7 days at his friend’s house as he was working away. I had to do everything for her while he was away (daily care).

He tested negative yesterday and is now back home but refusing to be around my mum or doing any caring duties. He’s in the house but in his own space and wearing a mask.

He has said he won’t help with any caring duties until Wednesday as that will be 10 days and that’s the recommended guidance.

I am still doing all the caring and he’s calling for orders ‘can I have a drink?’, ‘can you cook me dinner?’ As he says he could still be contagious and doesn’t want to risk passing it on.

AIBU to think this is him just not wanting to help out now he’s tested negeative?!

I am knackered and could do with a break. I am out all day with my children tomorrow and he says I should cancel so I can care for mum.

We are meeting friends and I’ve said no! He says she won’t get any care until I get there about 4pm as it’s too risky for him to!! 🙄

I suggested he wear a mask if he’s so worried. Apparently this is not sufficient.

I wasn't aware there were any guidelines nowadays.

Why don't you have care support from the local authority?

Yes he's trying it on. He likes the idea of being the one being cared for, not the one doing the caring. Go out with the DC and let him sort out any problems.

Depends. Does he normally do everything for her?

If she’s old and in any way vulnerable, I don’t blame him for trying not to infect her.

If he normally does everything (as he lives there, I assume he does) then YABU to be knackered after a week doing what he does all the time.

I appreciate you have your kids but I’m trusting your DH has stepped up there while you’re looking after mum.

He doesn’t no. I am round everyday even when he is here and I do a lot of it as he doesn’t want to (toileting and dressing etc).

I am a single parent so no help from a dh sadly!

She wont have strangers in the house.

Yes but I dont blame him nobody should be taking on this level of care for parents this is why carers exist.

Thanks. With that extra detail I’ll vote, no you are definitely not BU!!

Agree to his terms, and then he can provide all care for the next 10 days. You get yourself a few days break from it OP.

Well its tough shit why should you and your brother make yourselves ill just because she doesn't want carers its non negotiable

And if there are jobs he doesn't want to help his mum with, then he can stump up for a carer for those bits whilst you are getting your 10 days back.

She wont have strangers in the house.

Easy to say when you've got a son and daughter going round there doing the care.

In any case, it's hard work being a live-in carer so your brother deserves a break. If you don't want to do the personal care then don't do it - outsource it to a paid carer, it isn't your mums decision to make, it's yours.

No their mum can pay for carers.

Ok well I think your brother has probably had enough with that and this is his way of sending the message.

There's no guidelines to isolate whatsoever in August 2025 so he's lying and trying to palm it off on you.
Bloody twat..

You dont need guidelines to stay away from vulnerable people when you're sick and contagious it should be common sense.

I agree with this.
It’s not your Mother’s decision to make. Your children are your first priority OP.

This isn’t about these ten days…
It’s about recognising that your mother needs a care plan and some frank and long-overdue conversations need to be had.

I don’t think either of you is BU in this case. You have your own family to think about and are helping out with your mum when you can. He is there full-time… He has no break from it at all.

i’m afraid the time has come to speak to your mum and explain to her that she can no longer refuse to have ‘strangers’ in the house. If she wants to remain at home, she is going to have to allow carers to come in. You need to be firm on this. And I’m speaking as someone who was in your position with a sister in your brother’s position.

He was testing negative and still alleging he can't do any care work. He clearly wanted a break at OPs expense so is rinsing it in typical 'man flu' style.

Im not talking about him specifically obviously he was trying it on and I dont blame him. I was replying to your comment stating their is no guidance anymore. Their doesn't need to be guidance people need to use common sense.

Oh yeah, you're not wrong there. Sorry if I misunderstood.