To think that nobody is ever “just curious?”

[ForBreezySloth]

People love to say they’re “just curious” but let’s be real - curiosity always comes with an agenda. Whether it’s prying into someone’s personal life, fishing for gossip, or subtly challenging someone’s opinion, there’s usually more going on than pure, innocent interest. I’ve noticed this a lot in conversations where people claim they’re “just curious” but really want to judge, debate, or push a certain angle.

AIBU to think that when someone says they’re “just curious”, they’re rarely being 100% honest about their intentions?

I think it's possible to be curious without any malicious intent. Humans are curious creatures in general. Is it nosy, perhaps and of course one can always tell someone to keep their beak out but I think it s actually possible to be a bit nosy, even a busy body without having any ill will, some very kind and well meaning people can be curious.

I am often just curious.

i love travelling because you can see other cultures and places.

No one ever claimed that being curious was a selfless act. Doesn’t make it wrong. Everyone is ‘curious’ to a more or lesser degree. It’s part of the human condition, its how we benchmark our own behaviour, mortality, lifestyle, etc.

Yes I think it's possible to be just curious

But surely “prying into someone’s personal life” is just being curious, OP? Most of us are a bit nosy at heart.

I’m super nosy and live to hear about peoples travels, home interiors, camper vans (not kids though haha).
i think I’m genuinely just curious. I love to know the full variety of human experiences.
i really hope I don’t judge people, I don’t feel that I do.
unless they have a hot tub.

Being curious about things is a sign of intelligence. A curious child may ask: Why is the sky blue? Why do frogs sing in the rain? How does a spider build a web?

Many scientific discoveries were made because someone decided to explore their curiosity.

Being nosy is not being curious.

Not necessarily, a curious and inquisitive mind is a sign of an intelligent mind. It’s how the information is used that’s important. Not everyone is under-handed.

I had a tradesman do some work for me. My neighbour asked how much it cost as he was curious. I told him because it’s not some secret and that’s the end of my story. I don’t care if he shared the info with his wife when he got home because it was info that I was happy to share. 🤷‍♀️

Cobblers.

peoples lives fascinate me, because they are invariably so different to my own. I am especially curious about how people met their other halves, because the way I met mine was odd. Absolutely no agenda, why would I have?

perhaps it says more about you Op?

I think you're projecting your own feelings on the rest of people. I am overly curious, there's nothing behind it. I just hate knowing there's something I don't know.. for example, I couldn't wait to find out the sex of my kids, I didn't actually care one way or the other, it would have killed me to not know for mine months. I respect privacy and won't push or snoop but sometimes I desperately hope people will share.

You're spot on there @ForBreezySloth ,
my agenda is;

1. Become curious, 2.Think about it a bit more,
2. Become curiouser,
3. Ask around a bit...
4. Decide to pry more in to third party's private life.
5. Make rash assumptions based on point 5 7 . Decide on course of action.
6. Don't listen to any other viewpoint
7. And relax

Fair enough, sounds like your curiosity genuinely comes from a good place. But I still think that’s the exception, not the rule. In my experience, “just curious” often masks something else… judgement, comparison or low-key moralising. I don’t think all curiosity is bad, just that people often hide behind it instead of owning their real intention. And maybe it says something about me or maybe I’ve just seen behind the curtain a few too many times.

I think that's nonsense.

I am always curious. I find the world and everything in it fascinating and always want to now more about new cultures, new technologies, why things are the way they are etc.

I can't imagine ever being any other way.

Are you mixing up curiosity and nosiness?

I find human behaviour very interesting but more on a while rather than on an individual basis. One person's behaviour or choices, only tells me about one person but patterns of collective behaviour much more interesting and a lot more can be learnt from it.

Rubbish.

I'm massively curious about most things. I know plenty of people with inquiring minds.

If someone who is judgemental or has a history of gossiping, causing trouble asks you a questions saying that they are “just curious” then it’s ok not to answer if you don’t want to.

Most people are curious about others in a good way and ask questions so that they can become closer by knowing more about the other person. A person who wasn’t curious is unlikely to have friends or a romantic partner because they wouldn’t know anything about the other person.

But people can be curious about so many things, @ForBreezySloth - not just about other people’s lives or circumstances.

I am curious about history, about books, about art, ballet, theatre. About different cultures and their history. About all sorts of minutiae and trivia.

What kind of questions do you have in mind?

I might not answer honestly to “Why did you break up with X?” but I have no problem with “Which do you prefer- Popeyes or Wingstop?”

I think you’re right that curiosity about the world, ideas, or human behaviour in general is a totally different thing. My post was more about the interpersonal kind of curiosity - when someone’s digging into someone else’s life under the guise of being ‘just curious.’ I probably should’ve clarified that I’m not anti-curiosity as a trait - just sceptical when it’s used in conversations that feel more like veiled judgement or control.

Now, I'm curious.

How did you meet your OH?

(promise there's no malicious intent here as OP seems to be implying)

I'm a curious person, I'm also someone who has zero interest in actually entangling myself, or becoming involved in someone else's business/drama. So I generally read books and watch documentaries to satiate my curiosity in human lives. I do like to hear other people's opinions and thoughts on things because it's interesting and I like being informed and see things from different perspectives, but I would hate to be seen as nosy or judgemental.

I lurk on mn because I like to hear about different opinions and lifestyles, without any actual involvement or influence on anyone. It's just pure curiosity.