I'm in danger from unhinged flatmate?

PimmsPerson · 2025-08-03T13:15:48+00:00

Sorry for long post. Apparently I'm having high school style drama / civil warfare with a woman 15 years older than me... Living abroad in Jordan currently studying Arabic and live in a houseshare with a 34 yr old Jordanian woman (I'm 20, from uk). We were friends for the first couple of months but recently she started getting quite rude (shouting at me once when I let the door slam, telling me off matron style when i spoke over her unintentionally, pulling a face when I went out to get her tissues (to be kind!), but bought the wrong type...) so I was quite done with making any effort with her. However I kept being kind to her as I know she struggles with her mental health: going out to get her medication, cigarettes and generally comforting her while she complains about her life. A few days ago I wanted to ask to borrow one of her bags as I've done before. I knocked, called her name and stuck my head around her door at 6pm or so. She was on her bed watching tiktok but got up and shouted at me for intruding. I apologised but she told me off like I was a child, asking me over and over if she had given me permission. I walked away from the situation and she said I was immature. Next day, had just finished cooking and she told me to wash up. I said i didn't need to be managed and also that she needed to speak to me in a more civil tone. She absolutely lost it at me - I've never been screamed at like that in my entire life. Swearing in my face and following me to my room when I tried to exit the situation, then continuing to scream outside my door for 10 minutes or so. Insulting the UK, my character and personality, for intruding on her (i checked with other jordanians, what i did isn't some huge cultural crime) i thought she was going to hit me! Have tried to move out but landlord won't refund my rent (have 3 weeks left on contract) and can't find a flat for that short amount of time. But don't feel particularly safe. Wouldn't be surpised to come home and find her cutting up my clothes or some other terrible revenge, but maybe its my anxiety speaking I don't know. Any advice??? How should I go about this situation without making things worse? Don't want to let her walk all over me but also want to keep the peace for the next 3 weeks.

Secularbeaver · 03/08/2025 14:29

Leave, find somewhere else.
Can you couch surf in the mean time?

Sufferingjaysus · 03/08/2025 14:33

I agree wkth the previous poster, leave and stay with a friend or go home to the UK. Your instincts are telling you you’re not safe so trust those and leave

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 03/08/2025 14:37

For three weeks I'd just stick it out. She hasn't actually been violent. Make peace, apologise, you don't have to mean it. Keep your head down if you are worried about your things. Is there anyway you can lock your door when you aren't there? Or when you are? You can get some things travellers use that wedge under a door to prevent it being opened to 'lock' yourself in your room when you are there if there is no actual lock.

GRex · 03/08/2025 14:43

Move out. It'll cost you under £20/ night at a hotel, so for 3 weeks that's £600 max. Versus upset and worry about a crazy woman's behaviour.

MissMoneyFairy · 03/08/2025 14:44

We're you planning on extending your lease if there's only 3 weeks left, where were you going to live after that. Is she on the same course as you, is the house share arranged by the college. Is it just the two of you. I'd speak to your tutor, see if there is a halls room available.

Original poster

PimmsPerson · 03/08/2025 14:45

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

I did! After I intruded about 10 times, the next day when she mentioned it again, and then after she screamed at me about half an hour later i saw her in the kitchen and apologised again. Am just going to keep my head down like you say and pray we don't meet too often in the kitchen or elsewhere.

OP posts:

ThatGladTiger · 03/08/2025 14:48

I’m confused!

You say in your post you slammed the door, talked over her, walked into her bedroom and then got shitty when she asked you to clean up.

Whilst her reactions may be the extreme end, I wonder if you are not realising the impact of your behaviour. Especially for a person who is used to living by themselves.

As others have said, apologise and stick it out. I can’t see how you are in danger.

Original poster

PimmsPerson · 03/08/2025 14:52

ThatGladTiger · 03/08/2025 14:48

I’m confused!

You say in your post you slammed the door, talked over her, walked into her bedroom and then got shitty when she asked you to clean up.

Whilst her reactions may be the extreme end, I wonder if you are not realising the impact of your behaviour. Especially for a person who is used to living by themselves.

As others have said, apologise and stick it out. I can’t see how you are in danger.

Oh I was being honest about the odd thing I've done that has previously riled her. She slams the door, leaves her dishes in the sink at a similar frequency than i do. Spoke over her once because i thought she'd finished speaking but she hadn't. I'm usually quite self aware and have lived with other people a whole year here in Amman without issues. I just wanted advice from older women on how best to deal with tricky people - I dont have these issues usually as i tend to surround myself with chill people (or try to)

OP posts:

MiloMinderbinder925 · 03/08/2025 14:56

Can you get a lock for your bedroom door? I'd keep your head down and avoid her for 3 weeks.

ThatGladTiger · 03/08/2025 15:29

PimmsPerson · 03/08/2025 14:52

Oh I was being honest about the odd thing I've done that has previously riled her. She slams the door, leaves her dishes in the sink at a similar frequency than i do. Spoke over her once because i thought she'd finished speaking but she hadn't. I'm usually quite self aware and have lived with other people a whole year here in Amman without issues. I just wanted advice from older women on how best to deal with tricky people - I dont have these issues usually as i tend to surround myself with chill people (or try to)

Show quote history

But it’s her house. She probably expects higher standards from house guests.

If it’s only three weeks just try and stay out the way. When you do interact just kill her with kindness. It will go quickly! Good luck!

Mygosh · 03/08/2025 15:38

So she doesn't own the property because you have a landlord? I'd speak to the landlord again and tell them just how overbearing this crazy lady is. Does the landlord have any other properties?

MoodyMargaret11 · 03/08/2025 15:46

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

Are you for real???
The woman chased OP out the kitchen and continuously screamed outside OPs door - there's 0 excuse for any of that. She was super rude trying to boss OP around when she'd just finished cooking dinner. But even if the plates were left for an entire day, there's no reason for her to treat the OP this way. And as soon as the OP defended herself /responded similarly which she had the right to, woman went crazier...

OP dont be buying this mental woman anything, don't even engage. Expensive or not, if the landlord is unhelpful then move out anyway, you'd feel super stressed and bullied there. Find a hostel or see if any of your friends have a couch/spare bedroom, offer them a bit of money for the inconvenience but dont stay there.
And if you haven't shared with your parents yet, maybe you should. I bet they'd be keen to send you extra money to get you out xx

Createausername1970 · 03/08/2025 15:48

If you are genuinely concerned for your welfare, then ask the other Jordanians you have spoken to if you can stay with them for the final three weeks, or move into a hotel for a few nights while you sort something else out.

Otherwise, keep your head down, eat out if you can, stay out the house for as long as you can, stay out of her way while you are indoors, and be ultra quiet and ultra tidy for the next three weeks, but ask around anyway to see if there is somewhere else you can transfer to.

Maddy70 · 03/08/2025 15:58

It's very rude entering someone's room unannounced. To you it's popping your head round the door , to me it's intrusive. That's my safe space. She could have been naked having a wank etc
I would apologise and say you didn't think and you didn't mean to be rude
Sounds like she's a bit fed up of poor manners, do you often leave dirty dishes etc?

I would manage her gently. You only have three weeks left apologise (even if through gritted teeth) and see if some balance can be regained

Dodeedoo · 03/08/2025 16:18

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

Apologise for what? This woman sounds like an absolute psycho cunt. Nasty aswell!

PInkyStarfish · 03/08/2025 16:26

Whilst screaming at you is unacceptable, you sound laid back to the point of laziness and I would find you very irritating to live with.

Sounds like she has had a belly full of you and cannot put up with you any longer.

Can you ask your family to give you a loan to pay off the last three weeks so you can rent elsewhere?

saraclara · 03/08/2025 16:32

PInkyStarfish · 03/08/2025 16:26

Whilst screaming at you is unacceptable, you sound laid back to the point of laziness and I would find you very irritating to live with.

Sounds like she has had a belly full of you and cannot put up with you any longer.

Can you ask your family to give you a loan to pay off the last three weeks so you can rent elsewhere?

I've re-read the OP and can't find any hint of laziness. In fact OP actually runs errands for the flatmate, out of thoughtfulness.

If you're referring to the washing up, OP had literally only just finished cooking. She hasn't been leaving anything around for hours.

dogcatkitten · 03/08/2025 16:43

I expect she thinks she is in charge because she is older (and you are a foreigner), and thinks you should respect her and do what she says. So far you had been pretty much doing that, but you have now apparently transgressed in some way, in some cultures loud is normal for dealing with inferiors (don't know about where you are). Keep a low profile or move out! Count down the days. Do you have any friends you could lodge with for the rest of the time? Or a cheap hotel, if they are safe.

Velmy · 03/08/2025 16:49

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

Absolute state of you.

Meanttobeworking · 03/08/2025 16:58

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

Someone screams at you like a lunatic and your plan of action would be apologies and a small gift? Riiiiight.

OP has already apologised for going into her room anyway.

Springtimehere · 03/08/2025 17:17

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Dodeedoo · 03/08/2025 17:36

PInkyStarfish · 03/08/2025 16:26

Whilst screaming at you is unacceptable, you sound laid back to the point of laziness and I would find you very irritating to live with.

Sounds like she has had a belly full of you and cannot put up with you any longer.

Can you ask your family to give you a loan to pay off the last three weeks so you can rent elsewhere?

You sound like high maintenance

Dodeedoo · 03/08/2025 17:37

Velmy · 03/08/2025 16:49

Absolute state of you.

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Embarrassing, isnt it? 😳😳

coxesorangepippin · 03/08/2025 17:40

Move??