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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Volunteering with asylum seekers and refugees

420 replies

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 10:09

There is so much said on MN about asylum seekers and refugees, and often it is speaking about them as a block, rather than by people who know any as individuals.

AIBU to suggest that some of you who currently feel fear and hostility have a go at some volunteering to get to know one or more individuals and see if your feelings change?

There are lots of ways to get involved in helping welcome a refugee to the country, and maybe more people extending more welcome will help with intergration, which seems to be one of the main concerns of some posters.

Many places have volunteers facilitating english conversation sessions, or literacy support. Many councils look for volunteers to support refugee and asylum seeker children in schools, you can ask your local council, or one of the main refugee organisations what volunteering opportunities are available in your area.

Also volunteering with any homeless charity is ineviatably going to bring you into contact with refugees, as so many are sleeping rough

You can find out about people first hand, rather than through the right wing press. Personal relationships can only help people understand each other better

OP posts:
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Jennps · 03/08/2025 17:06

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:02

I dont think there is anything lecturing, virtuous or badgeworthy about volunteering, do you? I think it is completely normal human behaviour that the majority of members of any society are involved in at some point in their lives. This is just a discussion about one possible aspect of it that maybe some more people could consider, and that might maybe help address some of the fear and divisions that is apparant on this thread, and elsewhere on MN

Your posts are like Whitehall’s political bingo. Just loads of mundane, superficial, abstract words but without the substance on the problem and how to solve the real problem - which ain’t the lack of people volunteering to work with asylum seekers.

It’s like a beauty pageant speech. Where the contestants want to aim for world peace.

skymagentatwo · 03/08/2025 17:06

polarband · 03/08/2025 17:01

I worked on a documentary recently with female asylum seekers a few years ago and it was humbling to hear their stories. I do think however it is not possible that everyone can volunteer and sometimes I think that being so magnanimous about refugees and immigration can be a somewhat privileged position and doesn't consider the experience of those who feel themselves in direct competition with that group. I agree that in most cases the competition and threat isn't real but I can empathise with the feeling that it is.

For example in my town there has been an huge amount of immigration in the past few years and from my perspective as someone in a nice area of town, well educated, well travelled, financially secure. Its a boon to the local area there are new interesting shops and eateries opening up and the town centre has a bit more life to it. For people like me there is only benefit really. However as someone from a very poor background I know it can feel different when you're already struggling to pay your rent, for food, to find enough work and so on. Then you see new people coming in and apparently getting all this help, houses, benefits etc. It doesn't matter if it isn't true because so many people are stuck in survival mode, they don't necessarily have the luxury of being as open minded as more insulated people.

The crux of the matter is the steep inequality we have in this country which is the worst in Europe, especially now. This stores up trouble down the line with immigration whether economic or via asylum seeking. Its all very well for people to come to the UK to better their circumstances but what happens to their children and grandchildren when they find themselves in the same poverty traps that UK nationals of lower class find themselves in? It just created growing dissatisfaction and resentment and amplifies any other tensions that may exist.

I sometimes find the "oh people who think refugees are all here to take from them are just ignorant" are somewhat missing the point that certain circumstances set people up for these views that are likely out of their control. In addition just telling people they are ignorant and to educate themselves while well intentioned can drive them into the arms of people like Farage or worst Tommy Robinson. people who ruthlessly exploit peoples sense of powerlessness and desperation to gain power. However unpalatable it might be to some we need to extend the same empathy we have for refugees to those in the UK whose views we find disagreeable (to say the least) in an effort to understand why they feel like that and what can be done. Again reams of research shows that it is inequality that drives much of the fear and resentment as opposed to genuine hatred.

Edited

So why did your documentary not cover unknown men? or did no this meet the narrative or bias of your documentary.

Also you claim "For example in my town there has been an huge amount of immigration in the past few years and from my perspective as someone in a nice area of town, well educated, well travelled, financially secure. Its a boon to the local area " . So when there are large groups of unknown foreign men hanging around in groups, intimidating and following lone women and girls how are they a boon to the local area?

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 03/08/2025 17:07

PricklyThorn · 03/08/2025 17:05

Really? How is that possible?

Because they can and do.

They aren’t allowed to earn money.

one woman I supported was a qualified social worker in her home country. Here she volunteered for a homeless hostel.

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 03/08/2025 17:08

ilovesooty · 03/08/2025 13:03

Mumsnet is riddled with anti asylum seekers attitudes now, and sadly I'm not surprised at the response you're getting nor at the way the poll is going.

Yup. They’re all out there hiding in the shires! Totally embarrassing.

It’s a great idea op. But those reform voters who “definable aren’t racist “ don’t like their assumptions being challenged.

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:08

Jennps · 03/08/2025 17:06

Your posts are like Whitehall’s political bingo. Just loads of mundane, superficial, abstract words but without the substance on the problem and how to solve the real problem - which ain’t the lack of people volunteering to work with asylum seekers.

It’s like a beauty pageant speech. Where the contestants want to aim for world peace.

what are your suggestions for improving bridge building and intergration?

OP posts:
PricklyThorn · 03/08/2025 17:14

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 03/08/2025 17:07

Because they can and do.

They aren’t allowed to earn money.

one woman I supported was a qualified social worker in her home country. Here she volunteered for a homeless hostel.

These are unprocessed asylum seekers? You have to be dbs checked to volunteer or work with vulnerable people. Something doesn't seem right there.

Jennps · 03/08/2025 17:14

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:08

what are your suggestions for improving bridge building and intergration?

‘Bridge building’? Honestly, please quit already, it’s so cringey.

But reducing the immigration numbers drastically would be a sensible start. Because people are not robots, they don’t have a button you can press and reprogram their minds through a factory reset. You can’t change their views and values, especially around women overnight, after having lived in a certain environment and society their whole lives. So you give it time for those already here to become conditioned to local values and mindset. Keeping the floodgate open is insanity.

We don’t need to become accustomed to misogynistic attitudes of those who bring those views with them, or ‘building bridges’ as you call it. They need to take on the values of this society.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/08/2025 17:14

@SumUp

I don’t have a ‘phone’ , so it would be a bit ‘complex’ for me. Perhaps I could borrow one from one of the lucky arrivals who get their choice between an I phone and. Samsung? Then we could have a lovely chat via Google about ‘stationery’ (sic) as suggested by the OP.

Do you think that sneering at people is a good way to convert them to your cause?

nellly · 03/08/2025 17:14

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 12:49

why is it patronising? Please explain what is patronising about the suggestion? it would help people get to know each other. It just seems a way to break down the barriers. personal relationships and working towards a shared goal benefits everyone. It doesn't have to be either/or, does it? Some people do very little voluntry service, and could start with this, some people already do a lot, but could perhaps extend a little, and as I said, some areas of voluntry work such as helping run night shelters for the homeless help both the local population, and refugees, many of whom are sleeping rough

Because it suggests that the people concerned about immigration are just a bit simple and don’t recognise the trauma some of the migrants have come from.

its perfectly possible to understand on an Individual level that many are wonderful human beings trying their best to carve out a life AND worry about there not being enough school places in your area or a lack of GP appts 🤷🏻‍♀️

EasternStandard · 03/08/2025 17:17

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:08

what are your suggestions for improving bridge building and intergration?

Why can’t the answer be the gov actually sorting out dangerous crossings and not relying on SM posters promoting the chaotic system.

ilovesooty · 03/08/2025 17:18

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/08/2025 17:14

@SumUp

I don’t have a ‘phone’ , so it would be a bit ‘complex’ for me. Perhaps I could borrow one from one of the lucky arrivals who get their choice between an I phone and. Samsung? Then we could have a lovely chat via Google about ‘stationery’ (sic) as suggested by the OP.

Do you think that sneering at people is a good way to convert them to your cause?

Yet you're sneering at someone's spelling.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/08/2025 17:21

Sorry, it was irristible. I just thort it would be a bit useless to start teaching people wrong as yer English soooo confusing, with it being derived from so many other languages, cos the Brits never made up nothing on their own..

My bad.

Pinkelephantridesagain · 03/08/2025 17:22

I'm not a reform voter
Because I want to keep the NHS
But immigration has gone to far
It's not working for us a country
We don't need huge influxes of men
When they are granted alyslum.where will they live ,we can't afford to house and support the whole world ..I wish we could ,but we are a small island we can't fit the whole world in here
For those who disagree with me
Answer me this
At what point will you say ,stop,we are full we can't take anymore people
Where I live you can't get a dentist appointment or a doctor's appointment,the waiting lists are horrendous
There's no housing available for single mums , many are years in temporary accommodation of one room
The UK needs to help itself first , before it gets to help others

Mildmanneredmum · 03/08/2025 17:26

skymagentatwo · 03/08/2025 13:36

Yes sure they are all extraordinary and lovely people, lets face it most lovely people leave their wife's and families behind in dangerous countries and dump their ID on the way here.

How many of these extraordinary and lovely young fighting age men who are in the majority, who have little prospects of getting a partner or sexual desires met for months on end are going to say yes its fine. How many young british women are queing up to date these men when they get frustrated?

Should be all be telling our daughters OP, that all these immigrants in large groups on my street corner are wonderful and they should be chatting to them and volunteering to make sure they are okay.

What about the ones that keep stealing from where I work or harassing people and following them around? and fuck off with the wing press, I don't need that to see exactly what is happening within my own community and what is being covered up and not reported.

Edited

Absolutely. I was followed, harassed and assaulted on the way home from work every single night. I left London and moved away.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 03/08/2025 17:27

PricklyThorn · 03/08/2025 17:14

These are unprocessed asylum seekers? You have to be dbs checked to volunteer or work with vulnerable people. Something doesn't seem right there.

They are processed and known.
They were also checked. And awaiting for refugee status. Many keep their documents.

summershere99 · 03/08/2025 17:27

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/08/2025 13:03

Because I don’t speak Arabic, Pashtun, Somali or any other non European language, and judging from the few interchanges I have heard Very few of the arrivals speak more than a few words of English or any European language . So I would have to have an interpreter, which would render my involvement rather expensive and probably ineffective.

Neither do I and yet I have had many meaningful interactions with people from these countries who speak little English through my job and through volunteering. If they are in the UK the vast majority want to learn English and are eager to have any interaction that will help this. You don’t need to speak the same language in order to communicate, at least at a basic level.

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:28

Jennps · 03/08/2025 17:14

‘Bridge building’? Honestly, please quit already, it’s so cringey.

But reducing the immigration numbers drastically would be a sensible start. Because people are not robots, they don’t have a button you can press and reprogram their minds through a factory reset. You can’t change their views and values, especially around women overnight, after having lived in a certain environment and society their whole lives. So you give it time for those already here to become conditioned to local values and mindset. Keeping the floodgate open is insanity.

We don’t need to become accustomed to misogynistic attitudes of those who bring those views with them, or ‘building bridges’ as you call it. They need to take on the values of this society.

Edited

Well, the numbers are only going to rise. Look at what is happening in the world. The Uk is not taking their fair share of refugees by any measure, so any adjustments are going to be raising the numbers, quite significantly. So yes, building bridges and intergration, what are your suggestions. If you would rather call it something else less cringy, go ahead, but lets have some positive suggestions from you, if you have got any.

OP posts:
summershere99 · 03/08/2025 17:31

Jennps · 03/08/2025 17:14

‘Bridge building’? Honestly, please quit already, it’s so cringey.

But reducing the immigration numbers drastically would be a sensible start. Because people are not robots, they don’t have a button you can press and reprogram their minds through a factory reset. You can’t change their views and values, especially around women overnight, after having lived in a certain environment and society their whole lives. So you give it time for those already here to become conditioned to local values and mindset. Keeping the floodgate open is insanity.

We don’t need to become accustomed to misogynistic attitudes of those who bring those views with them, or ‘building bridges’ as you call it. They need to take on the values of this society.

Edited

I mean there are plenty of misogynists who are white and British… it’s not exclusive to certain cultures. Shame we can’t export them though.

Pinkelephantridesagain · 03/08/2025 17:31

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:28

Well, the numbers are only going to rise. Look at what is happening in the world. The Uk is not taking their fair share of refugees by any measure, so any adjustments are going to be raising the numbers, quite significantly. So yes, building bridges and intergration, what are your suggestions. If you would rather call it something else less cringy, go ahead, but lets have some positive suggestions from you, if you have got any.

Edited

Yes the numbers are rising
Because the useless labour government are choosing to allow the situation to worsen
Sadly it will mean reform in at the next election and who knows what chaos that will bring

smallglassbottle · 03/08/2025 17:32

Can I ask a question?

If someone comes across the channel and has discarded their identity papers en route, how do the authorities find out their identity? They could be a criminal or an ex isis member or something.

PInkyStarfish · 03/08/2025 17:34

There is a vast difference between refugees that include women and children fleeing persecution and war that come here via legal means and the fighting age men that come to the U.K. via dinghies who through personal identification overboard so that we have no idea od their true identities, their ages or if they have a criminal background. They are not fleeing persecution or war but will be instructed by traitorous lawyers who will tell them what to say. Those men are a danger as their culture and often their religion do not hold women and children in the same regard as we do. They come for economic reasons only and could have stayed in France.

tuvamoodyson · 03/08/2025 17:36

skymagentatwo · 03/08/2025 15:46

Even the ones that lied to get here? 🙄

….the ones who destroy their documents and say they’re 14 when they’re actually 26? Those ones OP??

Phobiaphobic · 03/08/2025 17:37

SootherSue · 03/08/2025 16:25

Are these asylum seekers worth getting to know as individuals? Do sexual assault victims of asylum seekers need to be more open-minded, too?

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2025/08/03/council-leader-police-cover-up-rape-asylum-seekers/

To reduce tensions, I think that the communities who pontificate about wanting asylum seekers are the ones whose communities should have them all, and the communities who don't want them should be left alone. Don't say there are too many for you to cope with - it is your side of the argument insisting that no matter how many people from completely different cultures come here, it won't impact community cohesion or local resources. To suggest otherwise is racist.

So stand by your convictions. Get together with like-minded people, approach your MPs and local councillors. Demand that asylum seekers be rescued from the filthy stupid bigoted angry plebs and moved into your neighbourhoods. Not the poor neighbourhoods in your constituencies (so you can once again foist them off on someone else whilst looking righteous), YOUR neighbourhoods, next to YOUR kids' schools, where YOUR daughters walk home at night. Then, since you are so very right and enlightened, you can dance around with the asylum seekers singing Kumbaya, and the rest of us can have a little cry about how many productive new members of society we've lost to you.

I think this is an excellent plan.

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:38

smallglassbottle · 03/08/2025 17:32

Can I ask a question?

If someone comes across the channel and has discarded their identity papers en route, how do the authorities find out their identity? They could be a criminal or an ex isis member or something.

with many professionals it is quite easy to confirm identity these days, university staff, etc, are well documented on the internet in many countries, and so are members of crafts guilds, etc. Many asylum seekers dont deliberatly dump identity papers, they just dont happen to have them to hand when they run. I've known people warned at work, for example, that a warrent has been issued for their arrest, and they have taken off immediatly not even hanging round 5 minutes, so they might well not have any documents to hand, even if they are close by

OP posts:
Katesam2016 · 03/08/2025 17:40

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 17:38

with many professionals it is quite easy to confirm identity these days, university staff, etc, are well documented on the internet in many countries, and so are members of crafts guilds, etc. Many asylum seekers dont deliberatly dump identity papers, they just dont happen to have them to hand when they run. I've known people warned at work, for example, that a warrent has been issued for their arrest, and they have taken off immediatly not even hanging round 5 minutes, so they might well not have any documents to hand, even if they are close by

You are completely deluded! 😂