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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit put out with my friend..

34 replies

PinkMoonRising · 03/08/2025 08:54

This isn’t a friendship ender or deal breaker, but just want to know AIBU with these thoughts?

I booked a caravan holiday with my 2 kids, costing £400. I invited my friend and her children. I didn’t expect nor would’ve taken it but when I invited her there was no “wow thank you, are you sure you don’t want anything towards it?” No offer at all.

I bought all the food which cost close to £150. I paid for the activities.

the children were not sleeping and she had other plans which I knew about anyway, so she left early.

i didn’t get a thank you, any offer towards anything, nothing. To be honest she moaned a bit about the kids, the price of the activities, the site. Didn’t even buy my kids an ice cream, and as she left she bought her own kids some toys and nothing for mine.

I feel awful saying this as otherwise she’s such a brilliant friend. AIBU?

OP posts:

Dontlletmedownbruce · 03/08/2025 10:30

It is poor behaviour but could be a bit of a blind spot. If someone invites me to their house for dinner or a bbq I wouldn't think I'm supposed to offer to pay for food, maybe that's how she saw it? I'm surprised you paid for the kids activities, I wonder was it something you suggested that she just went along with. She still should have paid something.

If this is unusual I think you need to let it go, you're not BU to feel a bit annoyed though.

Katflapkit · 03/08/2025 12:11

Dontletmedownbruce. You may not offer to pay for food but you'd offer to bring something to a BBQ surely? And Drinks?

OO - is she also on her own? Is money an issue? Does she pay her way normally? Have you been relying on her a lot recently, perhaps she saw this as your treat for those 2am calls?

Laura95167 · 03/08/2025 12:24

I can understand her not offering to pay for the caravan if it was already booked and paid for.

I dont understand why she didnt pay for her kids activities and half the food.

Some people are selfish. Id curb your generosity in future. It wont be reciprocated

Batherssss · 03/08/2025 12:29

Awful mean behaviour.
She sees you as a mug and sadly you behaved like one.
There is a total imbalance in your friendship for the way you both behaved.

You need to work on your self esteem.
You deserve better.

bluebunnyjacket · 03/08/2025 12:34

By saying they aren't sleeping, do you mean they came for the day?

In which case I'm not sure why she'd offer money for the caravan but she should have contributed to food and activities

Original poster

PinkMoonRising · 03/08/2025 12:36

@bluebunnyjacket the plan was for her to stay 4 nights but she only stayed 2.

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkMoonRising · 03/08/2025 12:40

@Katflapkit no she’s married and works, I’m single and have been off work due to health reasons so it was a massive treat for us.
I was more than happy for it to be a treat for the support she’s given and as I say if she’d have offered to pay half I likely wouldn’t have accepted it, but it was the fact there wasn’t even a half arsed offer or even a let me buy the kids a small treat or something as a thank you. I didn’t even get a thank you for the nice time message. In fact she pretty much said thank god I’m home when she got back!! I understand the kids are a handful when all together but she didn’t have to pay a penny for it - I even paid £20 for the caravan to have WiFi for 10 devices which she looked at but didn’t offer to pay for.

OP posts:

Moonnstars · 03/08/2025 13:27

PinkMoonRising · 03/08/2025 10:24

No I’ve never posted about this before. It’s the first time I’ve had any kind of break away in a couple of years since separating from my ex husband. It’s not even that I’d have taken the money from her, it’s just a half hearted “are you sure you don’t want anything?” Would’ve been nice? I said I was getting the food before we left and it wasn’t a case of ok you get this and I’ll get that, she just said “oh I don’t need to bring anything then” it just got me when she turned up back at the caravan with toys for her kids and hadn’t even bought mine a bar of chocolate.

other than this she IS a good friend. She’s supportive, caring, a friend you can call at 2am and she’d be there at 2.30.

It does sound like she takes advantage of your good nature. When you said you were buying the food before you left, most people would have mentioned contributing. I again think you need to be more upfront - I'm going to do a supermarket shop for me and my kids - what are you planning on doing?
Or if she said she didn't need to bring anything this is when you should have said 'well what about food for your family?'

HamSandwichKiller · 03/08/2025 13:36

It doesn’t sound like she saw the break as a treat and the kids were hard work so she was just glad to get home. Still super rude not to contribute to food or any kind of gesture of thanks. As she’s a good friend I’d chalk it up to the summer holiday blues but equally don’t invite her on holiday again 😊 I hope you enjoyed the last 2 days of your holiday either way.

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