To cancel big white wedding for intimate registry office?

FirstTimeMum567 · 02/08/2025 21:38

I had the big white wedding AND a gorgeous registry office ceremony first with 15 family members (was living in Europe, you have to do both there, church weddings are not legal).

The registry office part was the absolute fucking best. Seriously. Wonderful, I have nothing but good memories. I enjoyed it. It was relaxed, had my most fave people, had a lovely bug family dinner after that. It was ace.

The big white wedding part? Honestly, I have no good things to say about it. It looked great but organizing it was stressful, the day was stressful, there was so much going on, it was a waste of time. My friends and family loved it, DH and I did not. We needed to just sleep for 3 days after that.

In fact the only photos we have up are from the registry office.

Hankunamatata · 02/08/2025 21:39

Wedding day is such a small part of your life.
You dont have to do registry office.
You could find a small venue that would be just as lovely

FirstTimeMum567 · 02/08/2025 21:39

Oh and I thought I would love looking like a princess, wanted the white dress etc. In reality, I found it stressful to make sure I looked good for the day, and felt really conscious of everyone looking at me and commenting on my looks. I don't look bad or anything, I normally enjoyed a bit of attention (in my 20s) but I actually found it too much. And too expensive.

andthat · 02/08/2025 21:40

EMREX · 02/08/2025 21:29

We booked a big white wedding a few years ago originally to marry in 2024. My partner ended up needing hospital treatment for an issue for quite a while which was stressful, so we moved it to May 2026 instead. I am pregnant with our first child and we both decided we were sick of waiting and have organised to have a small registry office do with just family and then a meal afterwards with our closest in September. I am now considering cancelling the May 2026 wedding as I just don’t feel it’s really worth spending another 10k when we will have already been married. It’s also really stressing me out to organise a big wedding whilst pregnant and include family I very rarely see. When I think about cancelling the big wedding I feel free, but also a bit sad I won’t get the big white wedding we thought we would have. We have a nice honeymoon booked for July and a baby boy on the way. We would get some money back from the wedding and not have to spend around 8-10k that we have yet to pay with the things we have left to sort out. Would you cancel the big wedding feeling the way I am? Or should I ride it out and just do both? Thanks

Absolutely cancel the big white wedding. What would be the point if you’ll already be married? Especially as it’s stressing you out!
Save the money!

Ilikewinter · 02/08/2025 21:40

I would cancel the big white wedding! You could organise a big party if you felt like you are missing out celebrating with wider family and friends?

Inglenooknook · 02/08/2025 21:40

Do it!

I had a small registry office wedding 7 years ago. It was so perfect. 8 of us at the actual ceremony, which was just round the corner from our flat. Lovely lunch with a few more family members, then drinks in a pub garden and a bigger meal for maybe 40 people in the evening.

I love attending big weddings but we both hate being the centre of attention and we have no religious affiliation, and the whole idea of planning a big expensive wedding just made me feel increasingly anxious and a bit sick! Put our wedding money towards buying a house. No regrets.

Dheops · 02/08/2025 21:40

I don't know what you should do.

With hindsight I think we would have been really happy inviting the people we really love and buying them a nice meal out. The nicest wedding I've been to was a when a couple simply booked out their favourite restaurant. Completely unpretentious, expensive but saved them thousands, you can go as full on with the dress as you want.

Original poster

EMREX · 02/08/2025 21:45

Cannot thank you enough for all of your replies. It has honestly made my mind up that we should cancel and just enjoy our beautiful intimate day!! I feel better already with the extra stress gone! Once we are married I can focus on solely becoming a mum and not trying to mess around organising a massive white wedding (when we will already be married) lol!!

OP posts:

Needspaceforlego · 02/08/2025 21:49

Have you already posted invites? Do you have family who might have purchased flights or accommodation?

You could just do a party after the registry office.

Daintydino · 02/08/2025 21:53

Definitely cancel it!

Makingpeace · 02/08/2025 21:56

Cancel the big white wedding.

Save the money and put towards baby costs, or have a vow renewal in a few years with a big party then (when your baby is a little bigger, less stressful and brings a whole other level of pure joy to a party) 😍

Enjoy your intimate day! It sounds perfect 😊

sesquipedalian · 02/08/2025 21:57

OP, cancel it - your registry office wedding will be fine; you’ll be just as married as if you had had a wedding in St Paul’s Cathedral, and you’ll be so glad of the extra money once your DS is here!

UrbanOasis · 02/08/2025 21:59

I went to the registry office with two witnesses 25 years ago. It is still one of my most treasured memories. Your life had changed hugely, follow your instincts.

vincettenoir · 02/08/2025 22:00

It sounds very much like you don’t want to have a white wedding so be guided by that. Although I guess how far along the May 2026 wedding is, is a factor. If you haven’t sent out invites and made many payments upfront then it’s a no brainer. But the more things you have committed to, the harder it makes it I guess.

Momstermash94 · 02/08/2025 22:18

I got married a few days ago in a registry office, we kept it small with less than 20 guests total, kept it low budget. We chose not to get a photographer due to the cost and we both said we are so glad we didn't hire one as even with just family taking photographs we felt like we were running out of steam very quickly posing for photos and started to feel a bit exhausted. The photos still turned out amazing with family using their phones! I wore a typical wedding dress and only wore it for the ceremony as I was so uncomfortable and fed up wearing the big heavy dress that I switched into a white summery maxi style dress for the afters and felt so much more comfortable. The afters was just food and drinks for the guests in a local venue where we hired a small function room that we decorated for the occasion. We were able to enjoy the day without having to talk to 100 people, we just chatted, danced and laughed with our nearest and dearest with no pressure. Our whole wedding cost about 3k and I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing. The registry office admittedly didn't feel very personal which is a shame, but it was light hearted and casual, I think I would have hated the pressureand anxiety of a big formal service in front of loads of people

Original poster

EMREX · 02/08/2025 22:23

we have not sent out invites yet! We will lose some money as our venue was all inclusive package and we paid it in full, but in the long run we will end up saving more due to the outstanding things that need to be booked/paid. I’m well over losing the money now, it doesn’t make me annoyed. We have waited so long to get married and I’m just desperate to be his wife now! The intimate day will be lovely, I am really looking forward to it!

OP posts:

Arseusmaximus · 02/08/2025 22:29

EMREX · 02/08/2025 21:45

Cannot thank you enough for all of your replies. It has honestly made my mind up that we should cancel and just enjoy our beautiful intimate day!! I feel better already with the extra stress gone! Once we are married I can focus on solely becoming a mum and not trying to mess around organising a massive white wedding (when we will already be married) lol!!

Great decision! Congratulations!

Dogsrbrill · 02/08/2025 22:30

Can you restructure the wedding , you have already paid for the venue and food , can you ask them to provide an afternoon tea/ evening event with what you have already paid?

Dogsrbrill · 02/08/2025 22:31

I mean can you downsize from full blown wedding to party ?

GRex · 02/08/2025 22:33

YANBU. Have a nice 1 year anniversary party instead. Much cheaper, less stress and you'll still get to invite everyone you want.

RedLightGreenLiiight · 02/08/2025 22:33

I think if you're both happier with the smaller wedding then stick with that. You could always put some of the money you're saving towards a special family holiday in a few years time once the baby is old enough to remember it.

Clearinguptheclutter · 02/08/2025 22:35

another vote for cancel the wedding! I think with a baby coming it makes perfect sense. I can’t imagine having a big white wedding with a new baby.

if I could go back in time I honestly wouldn’t have bothered, just a small low key affair would have been better really. Our wedding was good but a massive stress really. And cost an obscene amount of money

Cancelling is fine as long as nobody has arranged flights etc from afar.

verycloakanddaggers · 02/08/2025 22:41

Sounds like a really good decision, enjoy your small wedding!

Blissinabottle · 02/08/2025 22:48

It was our 20th anniversary yesterday. We had parents down the registry office and a meal in a nice restaurant after, my Dad insisted in paying, as he said it cost him a lot less than both my sister's receptions had. I would have happily married DH in my jeans and t-shirt and grabbed two witnesses off the street, but I knew that having a little wedding would make my DM happy and I'm glad I did because I'm the only one of her children who's marriage has been happy and has lasted. She's no longer with us and she adored DH, so I'm glad we did a little something special.

We both would have hated a big wedding though, neither of us would have liked being centre of attention or all of the organisation. We look back on it so fondly and it was really intimate and special with the people who meant the most to us.