Bully working at dcs nursery

[whodidnt]

A girl who bullied my now adult DSD relentlessly through secondary school has got a job working at the nursery my child goes to that means they will have direct contact with them.

The bullying was extreme not just a bit of teenage nastiness that can be forgiven. Verbal and online daily but also several physical attacks, she took without DSD’s knowledge inappropriate photos of her and distributed them round the school, repeatedly taunted her to harm herself, creating numerous fake online profiles and untrue rumours.

AIBU to be concerned about her working with children? WIBU to flag concerns to the nursery so they can keep a closer eye?

I’m assuming there’s nothing I can do about this except removing my child. The girl was under 18 when the bullying occurred but I don’t see how she could change that much in a few years and now be a decent person.

I’d raise concerns

I wouldn’t say anything but if I was in that position and really worried I’d remove my child . People can and do change and deserve a chance.

I think I’m going to, realistically they’re not going to be able to do anything but no harm that there aware and then be quicker to notice any worrying behaviour.

I had a similar situation with a hobby group that my DS was a member of. I explained to the group leader why I was removing him. As it turned out she didn't last long as leopards don't change their spots & parents were complaining about the way she spoke & behaved to their children.

Verbal and online daily but also several physical attacks, she took without DSD’s knowledge inappropriate photos of her and distributed them round the school, repeatedly taunted her to harm herself, creating numerous fake online profiles and untrue rumours.

"inappropriate photos" would these be classed as child sex abuse images sexualising your DSD?

I would raise a concern and not want my child to be supervised by her.

I can accept that people can change but if this was 4+ years of ongoing bullying on a daily basis thats a personality trait.

I would secure yourself a new nursery place first, then raise it. Otherwise you could find yourself screwed…it’s quite hard to recruit nursery staff and far easier to replace a client.

Ultimately a bully won’t likely have got a criminal record so it’s not like this would come up in disclosure.

I would move your child and put in writing to them the reason why.

Obviously people can change and I know kids who acted horrendously when we were in school who are actually really good social workers now. Hurt people can hurt people and they can also heal when circumstances change. But it would do no harm for the nursery to be aware of this given that it sounds like the bullying was extreme and given the family connection and how vulnerable children are at your child's age.

I am assuming that at the time you did not report the several physical attacks to the police?

Were the police ever involved?

I would remove your child and tell them why.

Bullies don't change. I would be looking g for a new nursery place before you say anything though.

Having been bullied in school myself, and to a life altering degree, I would voice your concerns to the manager. I would also, if the staff member stayed, remove my child. There may be times when your DSD may be with you on pick up or, if emergency contact, may have to pick your little one up. I wouldn’t want her to face essentially the girl who made her life hell for so long. I also wouldn’t be able to watch the girl care for my child knowing how depraved she really is.

does she have a criminal record for this stuff?

Hopefully you contacted the police at the time

if not you still can now because of safeguarding concerns.

Surely she would have this on her police record and i would be very concerned if the nursery has employed someone with that kind of record

Police were never involved unfortunately.
I wasnt around for all of it and DSD lied to cover for the bully on many occasions due to being blackmailed and scared. The school were aware and I assume would still have evidence of many incidences though.

Move your child if you are concerned. You could make her manager aware but with no specific evidence I doubt they would do anything

I'd let them know however I'd also say that she categorically cannot work with your child and you will not interact with her at all.

Agree but it would probably be a good idea for them to at least have this complaint on file, so that if she is accused of anything remotely like this again they’ll know it isn’t the first time.

I don’t know if they would even be able to do demand that?

And I don’t know if it’s that I’m specifically concerned this woman will target my child because she’s related to DSD just that she should not be working with children altogether.

People can and do change/grow up. That doesn't dismiss what she's done, you can absolutely tell them you don't want any interaction from her with you and your child.

Move your child asap. People can change but it takes time and effort. Don’t take the risk with your child.

Put in writing to the nursery why you are moving your child. If she hurts another child, you will wish you’d said something.

someone who bullied to that extent choosing a career that involves being in a position of authority over vulnerable people would be a great big red flag to me.

I think you've got no option other than to find somewhere else for your child to go.
I would make sure they know that the bullying behaviour was so severe that you are concerned for ALL children, not just that yours might be a target.
The worrying and abusive behaviour that you describe goes well beyond bullying imo and is a safeguarding risk.

I would definitely raise this with the nursery and make it very clear that your child is never to be looked after by this vile woman.
get some evidence from her school as well.