Focussing on the positives of children growing instead of pining after the baby years?

[goldentrinket]

As my kids are growing up, both now in school, and I keep getting that pang, thinking about having another baby, missing the little years, feeling sad that those days are behind us.

But at the same time, I know there’s so much to enjoy as they get older, more independence, proper chats, shared interests.
Also really big for me is having a bit more space for me again. I really love having my own time and life just generally being a bit more easy going.

I’d love to hear from people who’ve moved past the baby stage, what do you enjoy now your kids are older?
I’m trying to shift my thinking and focus on the good things about this next stage, so some inspiration of what’s to look forward too would be really welcome!

Mine are now 8, 11, 14 and 16. It's bloody fantastic. We can do stuff together we both enjoy rather than me having to spend hours doing tedious and boring nonsense! We have a sport we all do together. The 11 year old comes on runs with me. I can play complicated board games with them. So, so, so much better than endless soft play

Every age has its positives. I so miss the big cuddles, the little hand in mine, the joy of leaves and snails and the seaside. But we made the most of all those lovely things and now we have cocktails and in sayings and photos of her adventures and the most brilliant chats with her early adult eyes (which are often worthy bollocks, but we've all been there). Each age brings something new and while I really miss 2, and 7 and 11 (not so much 12-15!) 19 is amazing and I'm sure 26, 33... all will be too.

So much more enjoyable doing activities with kids over 5 years. And it gets better once they’re about 8 or 9 as well. Lots more options, things you can enjoy as well and they develop their own cool personalities. Allowing them time to explore things they want to do (clubs and hobbies) without being tied up with caring for a baby.
Doing educational, sporty or cultural stuff becomes quite interesting and you find you’re learning too. Rather than being in a continuous baby brain fog.

Of course YANBU.

Every new stage brings new things.

Mine are adults now and wonderful company and make me proud time and time again with things they do.

I just have one son and I've loved every stage so far (except newborn actually!) but I do get weird pangs sometimes. I feel a bit cheated I only got to do it once.

Aw I’m still in the really early stages of parenting so it’s lovely reading about all the lovely ages coming up! My oldest is only 20 months and I’m already loving seeing how much he’s changed and evolved. I thought the newborn stage was nice but I’ve enjoyed every new stage more than the last!

I miss nothing!! Mine are 9 and 12 and they’re fantastic fun. We get to do things we all enjoy like play tennis and go for bike rides and runs, and they like their own space so I get mine. They’re great company and make us laugh like no one else. My 9 year old is still very cute and cuddly and my 12 year old is like a huge Labrador puppy - calls me his little mum and jumps around like he’s a 5ft 7 toddler. I wouldn’t go back to the baby / toddler years for all the money in the world. I’ve enjoyed every stage (except the baby years - okay at the time but objectively boring) but the older they get, the more brilliant I think they are!

God it gets so much better! Today we just hung out and went to Starbucks. They all put their own laundry away and I can’t remember the last time I knew about anyone else in my house going to the toilet 🤣

They're fun and smart and interesting people. It’s ace actually.

Absolutely couldn't imagine starting from scratch again. Had a horrible pregnancy and labour, my little one is now 5 and there is no money on earth to make me go back to stage 1 again. Finally feel like I have some semblance of work and life and finances balanced and having another would put us back 5 years.

I adore my sweet little boy and I couldn't ruin what we all have by having another. We are all in such a good place with regards to work, finances, independence and housing.

I have older kids teen and tween … and a 2 year old. The 2yo is awful at the moment and I’d happily leave home right now and live by myself. The older kids are a dream. Don’t do it. Don’t re do the baby a toddler stage it’s relentless.

Oh gosh, older kids are so much better than babies/ toddlers! Today, DD8 and I went to an art exhibition together, then had a lovely wander round the park and gardens, went on the carousel and when we went to the playground I sat with coffee and an audiobook while she played happily. We walked 15,000 odd steps without a single grumble from her (in fact we got home and she started practicing hula hooping). She played piano while I made dinner, then we watched an interesting programme (the BBC Human show). Tomorrow she'll wake up, read a book in bed and then bring me and DH fruit salad and toast for breakfast (I don't make her do this, to be clear, but she likes being helpful and independent). As it's due to rain tomorrow we'll play a board game I actually enjoy rather than one that makes me want to cut off my own arm in boredom. Life is good 😊.

I never got the parents who sobbed at 'next steps' stuff. Leaving nursery, leaving primary, leaving secondary, dropping off at uni etc. We've always been excited about his next steps. When we dropped him off at uni we all went and explored it was exciting, so proud and excited for him. Other friends were ' eh i cried all the way home'. Nope.
I do look back with love on his history, wonderful memories and even though I'm in my 50s I still coo over little uns .

The next stage is exciting.

Needed to read this. My DC2 is starting school and DC1 (7) is now in size 1 shoes and suddenly seems so grown up. I feel like they were babies only yesterday! Haven’t ruled out having another…

My eldest is only 2 so I don’t have much experience of this but what I have noticed is that every stage she is in, becomes my favourite stage. I find myself wishing I could freeze time to live in each part a little longer, but then when she grows, learns & changes I’m just as taken in by her.

A colleague told me that we fall in love with hundreds of different versions of our children over their life times.

Mine are 15 & 17, every age has good and bad and I think being in the moment and enjoying it when it’s good is really important. I also think as they grow it’s important to have one eye on the fact they aren’t going to need you forever and enjoy having more time to do whatever it is you can do without them. I’m very sad at the idea of mine leaving home (dc1 will be off to uni in a couple of years) but I’m also looking forward to being able to go on nice holidays where I only have to buy 2 tickets rather than 4!

Mine are 1.5 and 3 and reading this gives me some hope coz tbh some days it’s fucking torture !! I long for the day we can do fun things without toddler tantrums and lugging round changing bags after having to wash and dress 3 ppl just to go out !!! Also can’t wait for the day the only arse I need to wipe is my own and I don’t need to watch anyone doing a shit

Oh this is much needed! I am a bit jealous of my friend’s youngest m, 4yo, starting school this September as she gets to do the insane school years all over again… Mine are now 10 and 7 and the phrase big kids, bigger problems is definitely true. However…

My 10yo can now walk himself home from school.
Bike rides are possible and fun.
I do not have to stay at every play date.
I took them clothes shopping (only Tesco!) the other day and they enjoyed picking some new things.
I no longer need to watch them every second.
Holidays are now good fun rather than being a case of same shit different location.
They seem to have recently learnt how to be more empathetic and often say I’m sorry & I love you.
My 10yo came home from school on the last day with a board game he and his friends had made from scratch. Amazing.
No need to work your day around strict nap and mealtimes. Obviously they still need to eat but the world will not end if they have lunch at 12.30 instead of 12.15.
No more heavy car seats with fiddly harnesses.
No battling with pushchairs and lugging around changing bags when you go out.
I can leave my 10yo home alone for up to an hour!!
When you are helping them with homework or teaching them something new and something clicks in their head 💡 I understand why teachers teach.
Seeing them with their friends. Their funny chats and hysterical laughter.
It will never again be my sole responsibility to change the nappy of a baby or potty train a small child.
I helped my 10yo with his maths homework a few months ago and I worked out a question incorrectly while he got it right.
My 7yo loves watering the plants and feeding our cats.
They are often ready to leave the house before I am.
The questions they ask and conversations that you end up having, teach you a few things too.
My 7yo thinks it’s very funny to scribble all over Donald Trump’s face if it appears in a magazine/newspaper.
They finally seem to have learned (most of the time!) to take turns when talking, so I spend less time having to remind them not to interrupt each other.

We were going to have a third child but after a couple of miscarriages and DD2 was three we decided to stop. Although part of me would always have loved a third child, life just became so much easier. We did a day out without my lugging the buggy and baby bag, no tantrums or meltdowns, queuing for the baby chance. At that moment I knew I couldn't go back to the baby/toddler years.

Next year we are going abroad for the first time since DD1 was a toddler, that trip was anything but a holiday so we couldn't face it again until the girls were older.

Oh, definitely the conversations when they get older, and hearing how all the values you've tried to instill in them over the years have come to fruition. Ds is 14, and we've had a few of the usual teenage ups and downs like everybody. But I was at an amusement park with him and his 8yo sister recently and while we were there, he did two things that just made me so proud. He told some younger children not to chase the ducks because it was crual to frighten them. He then used a napkin to pick up some chewing gum someone else had dropped and put it in the bin "so that the ducks won't be harmed by eating it". He's a real animal lover.

And then my 8yo astounds me with the level of her maturity too sometimes. I've lost count of the amount of inspirational/ perceptive/ insightful things she's struck up conversations about. Wise beyond her years. She's ND, so we've had more than our fair share of challenges with her. But her way of thinking is just so profoundly beautiful that it sometimes takes my breath away.