To want some time off?

[OneFancyRuby]

DH and I have got two children aged six and three. I work full-time in an office job that’s long hours. He works part time with a shift pattern of six days on and then six days off. The six days are on shift hours meaning he’s not really here at all except to sleep and then get up and go again at lunchtime. He often works shifts that end at 4 or 5 in the morning.

Since our second child was born, things have been harder. We found going from 1 to 2 children much more difficult than we expected which was coupled with losing family support completely when our youngest was around a year old. As a result, we have fallen into the habit of double parenting, I.e. At weekends we parent together both children or we take one each and do separate things with them to make it easier. At bedtime, we try to both be around because the youngest is very difficult and it’s much easier if there’s two people. I can usually manage this as I only do two days a week in the office and my commute is short.

The trouble is, I’m beginning to feel like I never get a break. I’m either solo parenting for six days whilst he’s at work or I’m trying to joint parent whilst he’s off. This means that I’m either working or parenting and I realise I now have very limited social life or any other activities of my own.

I’m five days in to a period of him being at work and I feel frazzled. I have juggled work and nursery/holiday club/being there to watch a drama performance in the middle of the afternoon etc and now doing the weekend on my own. I’m keeping my head above water at work by picking up in the evenings.

How do I get my act together? I feel really low tonight and have been impatient with the children and I can’t work out whether I need a break or whether I just need to give my head a wobble and buckle down. I feel like nobody else makes such a meal of parenting but I’m just so infuriated by the endless squabbling, shouts of mummy, demanding never-ending snacks and the crack of dawn wake up.

YABU - it’s just a couple of kids pull yourself together, woman.

YANBU - maybe take an afternoon out now and again on a Saturday have a coffee and go to a yoga class.

Im so resentful. Every bloody day. Everytime he gets to nap in front of a box set on a Tuesday afternoon, have a leisurely brunch or float around London going to exhibitions because “he didn’t have anything else to do”.

I thought him going part time would make life easier and it hasnt really. It’s helped a bit because it means he doesn’t work every weekend in the summer like before so we get some family life. But it hasn’t helped in an everyday sense, we still live in complete chaos.

But I’m conscious my attitude is coming from a place of being completely overwhelmed. I’m a partner in a professional service firm so constantly worrying about hitting my numbers, generating new work and protecting my team from cuts. None of that’s helping either

Do you think you’re picking up resentment vibes because the two of you aren’t spending any time together? You mentioned doing bits of work or household jobs after the children are in bed. If my husband and I don’t have any one on one time together (happens easily because of his working hours and the children’s low sleep needs) we just end up disconnected from each other and grumpy. Could you designate a couple of evenings (at minimum) a week as time to hang out together once the children are in bed? Even if it’s just watching TV or chatting?
edited to add - yes, you absolutely do need to find some time to yourself! I don’t quite understand why you don’t get time when the children are in nursery though. Sorry if I missed it!

You're putting too much pressure on yourself OP. Book that yoga class and go for that coffee! Ditch the mum guilt!