AIBU to consider asking DP to move out

[KZNGirl1]

Just got home from a week away with DS 15, DD 13 and DP. DP has very recently moved in full time temporarily until his work accommodation is ready in November. Kids are typical teenagers but generally really good. Week away was tense to say the least. DP was increasingly frustrated by DD who is high energy and can be loud. After dinner one evening she was chatting and joking around quite loudly. DP got quieter and quieter and then suddenly yelled Shut Up and stormed out the room. He didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the evening and pretty much gave everyone the silent treatment the following day. It feels like a massive red flag and I’m thinking about asking him to move out. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but, to my mind, his behaviour was unacceptable. When I spoke to him about it he told me he didn’t feel he’d done anything wrong and that if someone spoke to him that way he’d be fine with it because he’d ‘deserve’ it. WWYD?

Do you even need to ask?? Get him out of your daughters home.

Yes, he’s toast.

You need to tell him to pack his bags and go. Yelling shut up is not adult and neither is being a dick and ruining the holiday on days after

Yeah that dynamic isn't working. I'm not going to call him names or say he's a awful person but other people's kids are a million times more annoying than your own. It doesn't even mean you need to split up but moving a relatively random adult into a home with teens is not easy or usually desirable. DP and I have been together a decade. It will be another 5-10 until our kids are flown and we can cohabit. Blended / step stuff not for us. He needs to find a short let to tide him over.

Nope he’d not be staying with me and my kids - your DC need to feel safe, accepted and welcome in their own home. Let him find somewhere else to stay.

Come on now, how is he still in your home?

He needs to go @KZNGirl1 but be prepared for him to change his personality completely.

My ex was amazing with dd until she got a bit older. He would goad her until she snapped and then go mad at her and me abiut her attitude.

The first time it happened I hadn't been present so told them both to walk away and had a conversation with them both about attitude and told ex that he needed to remember she was young etc.

The second time I heard every word and whilst dd shouldn't have said what she did, he absolutely deserved to be told. He tried to deny it again and I kicked him out there and then for gaslighting us. He had no idea what gaslighting meant and was fuming when he realised.

We tried to keep going and whilst he never did anything to dd again he did become very nasty with me after that. When I told him to grow the hell up one night he walked out and never came back. I haven't heard from him since. That was 5 years ago and I haven't been happier! I met my now dh who is the polar opposite and dd adores him

I got rid of my ex in a similar situation.

This is my sons home, he needs to feel safe and not walking on eggshells, so it wasn't even a question, my ex was gone.

Get him out, it would stick in my craw to give him accommodation.

Bet he doesn’t even contribute much or do much housework or cooking?

Yabu not not kicking that piece of shit out the second he screamed at your daughter. She must be feeling horrendous. Be a mother ffs. She wasn’t even doing anything wrong. This is no doubt the start of abuse. Imagine being abused in your own home by your mums boyfriend because you were laughing and telling jokes

If she was being too much at the dinner table I think it's fine for any adult at the table to politely say do you mind reducing the volume a bit, it's too loud for me while I'm eating. That's not what he did. Keep him away from your children

He screamed at your daughter in your home.

He would have been packing and gone that night. Get him out of there and don't let him come back. He screamed at a 13 year old in her home.

He should be on his best behaviour while you're doing him a giant favour and instead he's screaming at your kid and then using the silent treatment. You get these are abusive tactics, don't you?

You are unreasonable to only be considering it instead of already doing it

This is a definite lose the bastard situation. Your daughter needs to know you've got her back always.

It's your home. You don't ask him, you Tell him!

Yes, he needs to go. You’re doing him a big favor and repays you by yelling at your DD. Ok, she was being loud but he’s a guest in your house. He can find his own temporary accommodation.

Yup, please get him gone OP
your poor DD

Yelling at her to shut up is a red flag.
Not thinking he's done anything wrong by doing that is a whole string of red bunting.

You have to tell him to go, your relationship with your DD stands to be irreparably damaged if you don't.

Its concerning you need to ask really

He is an adult. He could have just walked out and said - I need to leave.
The fact he respirated to telling your daughter , the child you grew in your tummy , your baby to shut up . This guy is an absolute disgrace.
if you do not tell him to leave he will think you will accept this ! He needs to go before abuse starts . Do it for your child .

He needs to go, like yesterday.
He's not even sorry op, he is doubling down to make sure you know he absolutely will continue to verbally abuse your children.
You need to set an example to them that this is an unacceptable way to be treated.

She wasn’t even being naughty, just loudly happy from the sound of it. Please don’t make her live with this man in what is supposed to be her safe space. I feel so sad for her.

Why’s he still there??

Sorry, he screamed at your daughter and blanked you all the next day and he’s still there?!

Screw that! Cheeky jerk!
Wwid? I'd tell him I am highly offended by his reaction to my dd and to pack his bag and move out. He owes your dd an apology, but sounds like he isn't sorry in the least as he felt she "deserved it".