ND sibling life

[Siblingsadness]

Hello I've name changed for this but am a regular member of MN
I've got a sister and I love her dearly. We have always been very close.
She is the mother of 2 kids who have autism, her ex was also autistic with other family members ND too. My sis has not had a diagnosis but as she has got older it's becoming clearer she is also ND.
I have no one to talk to in real life about this without sounding like a cow. When she got divorced , I was a full on support network, helped her etc. I've recently had a large break up (not married but actually together longer than sister and ex)
She has not been able to empathise or support me as a sister at all. She just doesn't seem to connect that I feel as rotten as she did. She does have a connection issue at times even with her own children. She just struggles to connect.
Before people jump on me on this thread

1. She would be upset if I talked to her about it
2. We are very close and things are reciprocal, I am not leaning on her too much, she loves me as much as I love her.
3. We lost both our parents a while back and so only have eac h other so I feel incredibly lonely

This is not a bashing thread , this genuinely a thread for any solidarity with other people in close ND relationships and how do you navigate I love her, so this is not a no contact thing, it's just hard managing her ND when I'm so heartbroken

I am sorry you are going through a difficult and lonely time. It might help to cast your net a bit wider and reconnect with old friends / rellies who might be better placed to provide some emotional support. It sounds like you love your sister a lot. IMO if you get to a place where you feel like you have a robust enough support network then you are less likely to feel dissatisfied / resentful that your sister is not equipped to support you in the same way you were able to support her.

Sorry to read this. Can you speak to a friend? I think even though your sister doesn't realise what you do, she's got things going on with herself. Like you say so you've drawn the short end of the stick here.

Yeah very good advice thank you. I love her unconditionally of course and she is my only family now so I think the loneliness is what is upsetting me more. Its not that she doesn't love me , it's more that her way of viewing that is different

I'm in a similar position in that there's a complete absence of empathy, plus a great deal of neurodiversity, in my immediate family. It makes relationships very tricky. I try and tell myself that my family members show their affection differently and they do what they can within their own parameters. And I rely on friends to do the touchy feely stuff that my family can't do.
In your case, you know that your sister loves you and you might have to settle for that. Expecting more from someone likely unable to give it is only going to hurt you.