To let family hold baby?

[KeenSnail]

Im reaching my due date and am having some anxiety about one of my family members holding the baby.

This family member suffers from seizures which happen multiple times a day and are completely random and therefore without warning. She even launches off of furniture if she has a seizure while sat down.

She has always been allowed to hold other family members newborns and children and absolutely adores them. I just can’t help but feel it’s luck that so far no one has been hurt rather than her being able to control her condition.

I don’t want to risk her dropping my baby and I also desperately wish not to hurt her feelings or my family’s.

I am constantly being told ‘she’d never hurt the baby’ and I know by being told that, I am being primed so that when the time comes I will not stop her but I really do not want her to hold the baby…

Am I being unreasonable?

If not, how would you go about making the family aware of my wishes in the least offensive way?

The family member, very understandably is extremely sensitive about her health and I do worry about the impact this would have on her mental health.

Thank you,

Of course YANBU. Frankly if she can’t recognise why it’s so dangerous, she shouldn’t be around babies at all.

Would she be safe if sitting on a sofa with someone sat next to her?

I would try and facilitate some cuddles as her life must be pretty hard already.

Did you read the OP? She can fling herself off the sofa when having a seizure. That’s not safe to hold a baby.

It’s a tricky one, I have literally seen her fall forward from a sofa onto the floor without any warning before.
I think even if I could react quickly enough to get the baby from her arms it would be a risk at how fast you’d have to move such a little one…
I also know sometimes during a seizure muscles can tighten so she might accidentally hold too tight to the baby to be able to retrieve safely in that situation. :(

Do you know what sort of seizures she has, OP? Because if they’re non-epileptic or psychogenic in nature, that might explain why she hasn’t had one whilst holding a baby. I still wouldn’t take the risk personally, mind.

Absolutely not. Why would anyone risk it?

No way should she be allowed to hold your baby. She very selfish expecting to given she knows how bad her seizures are. Whoever said “she’d never hurt the baby” correct that every single time to “yes she might if she drops it”.

@KeenSnail how did you manage this situation in the end?

All going smoothly!

I make an effort to sit next to the family member when we visit and encourage them to hold hands, sing or play with a toy together whilst I am holding the baby.

My thoughts are, if she felt excluded maybe she’d push for cuddles to give her a sense of attachment… Hopefully the time they have together is so positive and enjoyable without her holding the baby that no one feels the need to push it and take a risk.