Is this controlling ?

[greengocart]

For a while I have not felt like a “ partner “ to dp more like I’m seen as another “ child “ I’m nearly 40 🙄

I’m not sure if he’s controlling because it’s not the obvious control like stopping me going out or what I wear etc but this morning there’s been a few times I’ve felt like he’s shutting me down, I’ve had surgery and not able to drive for another week ( 8 in total ) today I asked him when he was shopping to get the toiletries ready for holiday on Saturday to which he said “ why don’t we get them in the week nearer the time” ( so I can pack last minute 🙄 ) then I asked whist we were out if we could pop and get our sons feet measured but he said to me “ we can do them at home with a tape measure “ then I’ve realised I’ve put a top in the dryer that shouldn’t have gone in there so I’ve emptied it out but it was wet and absolutely boiling so I left it to cool down before I checked for said top I go back out in the kitchen to do this and it’s all back in the dryer ! Apparently he’s trying to be helpful but I find it so draining ! Is he controlling ?
he also when I asked to pop to the shop for a card says oh we’ve got one upstairs ( not the one I wanted to use for this occasion ) he also has a go because a family member gave our son a tiny bit of fizzy but then he’ll go and buy our dd a massive bottle of coke !

He doesn't really sound controlling, more that he has put up some boundaries around being controlled. he sounds like he is more than pulling his weight, too, but you don't sound happy - if you are not happy, then go. There doesn't have to be a reason

We have this. You need to be less obliging. My personality type is obliging, considerate and cooperative. I think about what works for everyone. If I come up against someone who is more directive, or just doesn’t think beyond their immediate preference, they end up inadvertently walking all over me.

You have to speak up. It can feel really challenging because by my own standards I’m being difficult. But by theirs all I’m doing is asserting myself.

When you are recovered, do your own thing. Don’t organise yourself as a team. It will gradually get easier and he’ll stop assuming his way is fine.

He's just chosing easy options but you are also being quite dependent on him.

Why can't you order the toiletries with a supermarket delivery or on Amazon? Or do the whole food shop so that the pasta meal isn't even an option.